Howdy, Trashmii! Here it is, the moment we’ve been waiting for, Jax gets arrested for stealing a pair of sunglasses, YAY!!! Let’s just jump right in, shall we?
We open back at Cuckoo Coconut. Jax is pulling the wool over Brit’s dumb eyes (with Scheana’s help), and Lala’s crying out on the street, because no one believes her that Jax wanted to f. her brains out — tragic!
KFC says to Jax, “It’s fine, you say? Well it’s not fine, none of this is fine.” Scheana butts in with her very helpful two cents – “I think that you have sent mixed signals,” she says to Jax. “You’ve been a little flirty back.”
KFC lays down the law — “I just want you to be honest with me always, okay?” she says. Jax doesn’t answer, so she repeats, “Okay?” He looks at the ground and mumbles, “Mmffmf.” That’s good enough for KFC.
Time for beer bongs! “Where’s Lala?” someone asks. “Li’l bitch,” says KFC, to peels of laughter.
“Good one, Li’l Abner!”
James and Faith go find Lala.
Lala is alone in her room crying. She says Faith was just as naked as she was, yet “I was put on blast for that, put on blast for everything.” She tries to call her mom, who’s not picking up, and then bursts into tears. Smelling blood, that slimy little arthropod James sits on the bed with her.
“I haven’t spread my legs for anybody,” says Lala, which Maxie quite enjoys.
“Glad Mummy let me go!”
“I mean, that he could look me dead in the eyes and say he didn’t say that shit?” Giving Jax way too much credit in the brains department, she exclaims, “That’s how serial killers operate!” James climbs into bed with her. “Let’s go night-night, Cowie,” says poor innocent Wawa, as the little creep peels off his trousers.
Defying Mummy’s orders, Maxie kisses Faith at the door. His homework assignment is almost completed! But wait — just nanoseconds before her virtue is stolen, Lala kicks James out.
Back at the pool, Katie and Schwa kiss, and Jax butts in to lick Schwa’s ear.
“I got this from Lala, Bro — pass it on!”
Scheana approaches Ariana. “Can I talk to you for a second?” She presents Ariana with a half-assed apology, which doesn’t go over well. Ariana interviews, “Scheana doesn’t have remorse for anything that she did, because apparently, Scheana’s too big to fail.”
“I just wish you could actually mean it,” says Ariana — about Scheana’s apology — to which Scheana replies, “I DID mean what I said.” HA! Ariana blows a circuit, and Bofannashay wins the round.
Meanwhile, KFC displays her worthiness by doing a beer bong. “We should get married right now!” exclaims Jax.
A waiter comes up with a beverage cart. Shay asks Scheana permission. “I wanna drink the hard alcohol,” he begs. She glares at him. “You’re so drunk,” she growls. “How the f. do you know?” he responds. As they depart with the gang for the elevator, they continue their little squabble. “You know who’s wasted? Is everybody ELSE,” says Shay. “I’m not married to everybody else,” replies Scheana.
She interviews, “I need my rock, I need someone to talk to about what just happened. But if I have a drunk husband, he can’t be that person.” He can be that person in the morning, after a real omelet and a little hair off the dog, dude — seriously, can this bitch just chill, ever?
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