Welcom back to the Mother/Daughter Tragedy! I’m not even going to waste a second with some kind of introduction because nor did the producers. We pick up in the middle of Krista and Courtney’s big fight where Krista admits for the first time to Courtney that she was in love with her husband. While Heidi stands outside listening with a glass of wine. Talking to Karen. The two biggest betches on the show. Please become best friends.
Courtney runs to Heidi for comfort, while some violin music comes on for the rest of the house to just say “Drama?” in unison I swear to god. These ladies are like cartoons. Rumor has it, Krista is leaving! I need to figure out what the hell this Doug person looks like. Why is his game so strong. brb.
Okay. I looked him up. I don’t get it. Also, Josie apparently thinks this is her chance to be discovered as the new Gigi Hadid or something. We all sleep in full makeup and a push up bra, right?
You’re not fooling anyone, girl.
And frankly if your name is Josie and it doesn’t immediately follow up with “and the pussycats”, I don’t give a crap.
Courtney is for some reason unhappy that her mom is leaving. Why?
Heidi is trying to convince Krista to stay, purely for her own entertainment, and spits out possibly my favorite line of the whole show so far: “You are a strong Christian woman. Why don’t you pray about it for a minute? My secret is, I’m a prayer warrior.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAH I am losing it over here. So is Karen!! Heidi then goes on to pray, and finds a way to brag about it. “Most of the things I pray for come true.” The other girls put her clothes back into the closet so she couldn’t leave anymore. Heidi delivers the news that Krista is staying, all thanks to me, you’re welcome.
Heidi and Natalie come down the hallway and Karen refers to them as “Frick and Frack” and I wonder which one is Frack because I want to make an oil joke. Whoever they are, they are not going to remember any of this experiment because they have been drunk the entire time. Heidi tells Natalie what she heard from listening in on Krista and Courtney and drops in another favorite, drunken line: “My relationship with my husband is 99% emotional.” To which Natalie so touchingly replies, “Exactly”.
Good morning! Frick & Frack stumble into the kitchen wearing pleather and ready to talk shit. Same. Oh, and they are already drinking, and being told they are alcoholics. God forbid Kim overhear that word somewhere.
Not even trying to hide it.
Oh my god we are only ten minutes in and I’m exhausted with these people.
Krista reveals what Doug’s fantasy was: her and Courtney in bed together, with her teaching Courtney how to please him.
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I’ll let Head Bitch (Karen) handle your reaction.
Courtney comes in wearing only a pink robe and tells her mom to be honest. She claims she has a recording in her husband’s jeep of her saying age thinks about him sexually all the time, and that the Mother/Daughter thing was her idea, ALSO this isn’t the first guy she has done this too!!!! Apparently when Courtney was TWELVE, she brought home a seventeen year old boy (ew) who liked her (ew), and Krista started “falling in love with him” WHAT THE HELL?????
Dr Deb comes in and is like “so I watched the footage all night and Krista let’s talk”. Debbie just keeps trying to tell Krista she is a piece of shit but she will not hear it. She is the effing worst.
Back at the breakfast table, Heidi tries to make things about her again. Fast forward.
Today’s therapy session is basically everyone roasting each other. This show is fuckin good. Shar’s mouth is watering, while Heidi’s would be if it weren’t full of vodka. Deb asks if anyone wants to go first, and shockingly Heidi raises her hand. Question is “Who do you think is holding back?” and EVERYONE votes Mother. I mean, yeah. When does she have the chance to speak? Debbie asks her what she thinks, and Heidi answers for her. Bringing up the alcohol issue and Kim Richards is bleeding out of her eyes. She says it isn’t funny to throw around that term, because some people here are actually dealing with that. It’s been 31 minutes in, exactly, and Kim finally speaks up to say “Stop making this about me”.
Go eat.
Kyle jr tells Kim to shut up because it isn’t about you and Kim says “oh, don’t do that” oh nooooo. Heidi chose to go herself only to stir up shit in the so far quieter pair. She’s awful but kind of my inspiration at the same time.
Time for Krista and Courtney! Krista apologizes, but like… alright. It’s a step? Courtney brings up the 17 year old grocery store boy and Krista just keeps saying “I was vulnerable”. Thanks for making Kim look sane. Natalie steps in and I could write an ESSAY on her little speech. Here she is giving Courtney shit about still being married to Doug which is a valid point but damn aren’t you supposed to be pretending to be her friend or something????? Courtney says that Doug is the victim in this…… eeehhhh? Is he?
Krista weeps as if she is winning a god damn Golden Globe, drunk, and thanks everyone in the room for helping her. Here we go, Kim and Kyle jr. Kim opens up with the fact that she is in recovery right now, so nobody should bring up the word alcoholic. Josie asks a question about why they come onto shows like this when they also insist on keeping things private. Makes sense. They give an answer that doesn’t answer anything. These Bitchards girls are always filtering every word they say.
Krista is talking about how much she opened up in therapy today, and again, I’ll let Karen handle it.
This week on Mother Daughter Experiment: Wife Swap: Edition: On Lifetime: We are switching it up!
New families:
Shar & Kyle jr
Karen & Josie
Kim & Courtney – Take Miami, and never give it back
Darlene & Cassie
KRISTA & NATALIE
Jessica & Heidi
Jessica & Heidi talk about drinking, over two glasses of wine.
Kim & Courtney roll around on a rug both talking family, and Kim talks about a family member she stopped talking to for a while, Kyle sr.? I’m sure she loves the shout out.
Oh good, Jessica and Heidi decide to make up. Thank goodness, i was afraid I was going to have to hear about this into next week.
Krista & Natalie. HERE WE GO. Krista stars complimenting Natalie on her boobs and brings in the fact that “Guys like real boobs, too” This lady has some serious issues. Natalie tells Krista that what she needs to do is stop talking about Doug. So she talks about Doug for an hour and a half. This lady is insane. I love Natalie.
I’m so worn out from writing about these idiots. I’ll see you all next week. Thank you for suffering through this with me. I love you.
KAT
