Last week, Kandi and Phaedra kind of made up and Don Juan single-handedly trampled all over it with fish tank shoes and an awkward level of disgust. Kim Fields made her entrance onto the show with a vague commitment to help Kenya’s pilot land safely in the Bermuda Triangle. Porsha gave her man a trophy for being able to pretend to like her and/or vagina for two whole weeks and Cynthia cried while Peter ran away.
We start with one of Phaedra’s orifice-inspired obssessions. She and Porsha are getting colonics done by someone called the poop doctor or poop master. Either way, she allows people to call her something involving poop and that makes her a better woman than me. Phaedra claims that Kenya’s so dark because she’s full of poop. I mentioned in a recap a season or two ago that she and Momma Joyce seem to have a bit of a color complex based on several situations. I think this is part of why Joyce was mad at Phaedra for setting Kandi up with Todd. She literally asked Phaedra why she didn’t get Kandi someone like Apollo who had no known job and a criminal background. Let me find out Phaedra carries paper bags in her purse for more than just stealing from the Sizzler…The girls chit chat while Porsha has poop sucked out of her and into a tube.
“So when the tube is full, you just empty it onto my chest?”
“That’s an extra $50.”
Porsha discusses her party for Duke. She’s proud of him for not running away from her and she’s annoyed that people had so many bad things to say about him. He says that he’s past all of that. At 24? The only thing he’s past is 23. She defends his picture with the transgender girl by saying that there’s no telling who you’re taking a picture these days. I’m sure this relationship was simply used to get her a full time spot this season so I’m not going to analyze this anymore. Porsha drags Kandi into this and reveals that Kandi has been storing Apollo’s stuff in her garage. Porsha thinks it’s wrong of Kandi to keep it without telling Phaedra but acknowledges that Kandi’s garage is “weird”. What does that mean? Is it home to a little people colony? An underage fight club?
Kandi and Todd discuss the situation in bed. He says that he gave Apollo permission to leave the stuff there and more importantly, he wants his money. Kandi still holds out hope that they can rekindle their friendship.
Adding horizontal stripes to the bonnet does not make it sexier. Your head just looks wider.
Noelle has decided to go into performing so she needs a homeschool tutor. Leon shows up to the house to interview a potential tutor and get some of that Bailey booty. Peter hasn’t contacted her in over a week. Ummm, how has she not packed up all of her stuff and moved to Milwaukee? I’d literally send divorce papers comprised of cut up newspaper letters if my husband ever did that to me. The tutor shows up and is really handsome but this is Atlanta so Cynthia shouldn’t get her hopes up too quickly. Cynthia definitely set up this tutor storyline to have an excuse to get Leon into the house. He pours some dark ass orange juice that’s probably left over from the Bar One closing and asks Cynthia about the video situation. She says that she has checked out and isn’t happy. Leon says that she’s walked away from many relationships but now she’s married. She has to exhaust every option before she walks away. In other words, call me as soon as you kick him out and change the locks. I’m willing to bet my lunch money that Cynthia envisioned 47 different ways to have sex with Leon; preferably on top of Peter’s weed stash.
Porsha is at a celebrity charity track meet. She stretches in her sheer leggings in front of an underage boy. She is so weird. I am refusing to analyze the cast this season but the whole hypersexualization thing she’s been leading with since the divorce is bizarre. Anyway, she performed at the track meet as poorly as she did on the SATs. Kandi is there to support the charity and they discuss Duke. Kandi reminds her that they were right about Kordell and Porsha says that she understands that they want the best for her.
“You’re right, Kandi. I’ll keep myself bendy for an even richer player.”
Kenya is preparing for the launch of her hair care line. The event planner’s name is Passionate; talk about pressure. You can’t ever just go out in sweatpants, flip flops and be, like, semi-interested. Marlo is there to give her opinion and tells Kenya that neither she nor Sheree had etiquette at the eyewear launch. Marlo encourages her to make up while Kenya says they should have a rent party to raise money for Sheree’s house. This from the woman who’s marriage, baby, TV show and hair care line have yet to materialize. I’m all for jokes but she’s living in a glass house…encased by concrete…and filled with mold.