Welcome K-fans. This week we see a lot of “tagalongs”, “third wheels”, and other misnomers. We also get hints that the “Kardashian Men” are cursed (No wonder Caitlyn trasngendered!) Let’s get to it. This was one of the best openers Miss Ellie has seen since she started recapping this weird show.
We all remember this:
Cailtyn brings Kim a housewarming gift:
Kim immediately tries to swipe a credit card in the ass:
And then Caitlyn offers to have a glass glued to the top of the wooden ass — to imitate Kim’s photo spread for Paper magazine. They both make some crude remarks about the “front” of the sculpture – the wooden vagina needs to be “shaved” – it is halfway between a vagina and a penis. (Just like Caitlyn?)
Kendall is in Rome working, and Kris is a tagalong. Kris is fawning all over Karl Lagerfeld, a fashion icon. She has looked up to him since she was a teenager and is obsessed with him. Kendall and Kris take a quick one-day tour of Rome. Kendall doesn’t get to be a tourist very often so she’s excited. Then there is a “pap” so they leave. Kendall is real sensitive about paparazzi’s. (oooh, foreshadowing …)
Karl doesn’t look happy
Kim and Khloe pounce on Scott about why he disappeared at the NY fashion week show. Scott complains that Kourtney doesn’t communicate well, and he was feeling like a “third wheel”, chasing the whole family around like a tagalong. It makes him look needy, and he’s sensitive about that. Khloe assures him that no matter what he’ll always be a part of the family, not a tagalong.
ASS Shot
A personal trainer is working with Khloe and Kourtney. (Lots of ASS shots to follow.) Khloe tells Kourtney that Scott has come over to see her and how much she has missed having him around as a friend. But she wants to be respectful of Kourtney’s feeling. Kourtney doesn’t think he should be going out partying, but hanging out with Khloe is okay.
Corey is “antiquing” with Kris — he doesn’t like shopping but likes to spend time with Kris so he goes along – a tagalong. He calls Kris his perfect little antique (ouch).
Corey acts like a little boy with his mother. “Can I pick this up? Can I smell this?”
The family is having a special Armenian dinner in celebration of the father’s birthday – they do this every year. Everyone is there, including the deceased Robert Kardashian’s best friends, Sheila and Randy Kolker, and Lamar and Scott (tagalongs?).
WOW! Miss Ellie has glass envy. Look at the humongous wine glass Corey is using!
Scott complains to the camera that he doesn’t know how to act around Kourtney. Khloe is upset that Scott is being moody and negative. Lamar tries to talk to Scott. Scott says it was scary when he went to see Lamar when he was in the hospital. Lamar says he’s taking it day by day. Scott says he gets it – since he was in rehab himself. Scott says Lamar’s recovery was a miracle – he has another chance at life.
Kris is seen stealing a drink in the background
Kylie is over at Khloe’s and complaining about all the paparazzi all the time – she wants to go out in public and not be noticed (Isn’t that what all the K’s live for???). Kylie just wants to be “normal”. Khloe agrees, saying she just wants to go to a regular mall – visit the food court – like she used to do. The family realizes that Kendall and Kylie have NEVER experienced a normal life – but they have incredible opportunities – so it’s a gift and a curse. Khloe mentions that she knows a guy who does prosthetics, professionally. Kylie gets excited – especially when Khloe says he can do anything – even give them a big ass! She wants to have a makeover and then go do the Hollywood tours. Khloe is excited that Kylie is excited. They call Kendall and she is on board, too.
Kylie’s face when she finds out that she can get a prosthetic Big Ass
“You want to go on a Hollywood Home Tour?”
Kris and Corey and Kris’s mother are having dinner at a restaurant. Corey wants to take Kris out on a “fun date” – roller skating is what he considers romantic. Kris had knee surgery a few years ago and doesn’t want to go in case she re-injures herself.
“Roller skating does not sound like a fun date.”
Look how many pillows are on Khloe’s bed! (There won’t be room for her huge ASS.) Kim and Kourtney make fun of all the pillows.
Kim sporting another Big Coat
Khloe and Kourtney and Kim all talk about how Scott played the depressed victim at the family Armenian dinner – moping and negative. He’s not even making an effort.
Shelby Michael Patton – Prosthetic makeup artist – is at Khloe’s. Khloe and Kendall and Kylie are getting fitted with prosthetics so they can go out in public and “be normal”. Kylie says (again) that she missed out on being normal growing up.
“Let’s see, I want red hair, freckles, glasses, and a nerdy look”
… Kinda like the girl in the background here:
Khloe is at Scott’s new house. He complains how hard it is for him – being with the family reminds him of old times. Khloe lectures Scott on how he should behave. She wants him to smile more and not be moody.
At Kendall’s condo – the girls are getting their prosthetics on. Khloe will be the grandma – they come up with names. She wants to be called Lulu – Kendall tells her Dolores would be better. Khloe is doing a complete transformation on her face, but Kendall and Kylie are only getting fake noses and ears.
Kim asks Kris why she won’t go roller skating with Corey. Kris says she doesn’t think Grandmas should go roller skating, and she is afraid of breaking her arm. Kim notices that their relationship is 90% what Kris wants to do, and Corey is easygoing so just goes along with it. And Kris never bends for him.(Sounds like a family trait!) Kim says Kris needs to be nudged. Kris finally agrees to go roller skating.
The girls, in their new personas, go out in public. They are Sam and Natalie Johnson from Albuquerque, with their Grandma Dolores, born in 1937. They have accents. They have rented a “regular” car. Kendall has red hair and a pregnancy belly. Kylie has a ton of tattoos and glasses. They stop at Subway for food. Then they notice paparazzi’s. Kendall is freaking out.
They get on the tour bus. Meanwhile they are making a big scene and the people on the tour are starting to notice something is up. Khloe is pissed – they’ve spent too much time in make-up to not go through with this — six hours in make-up. Seriously, what did they think would happen when they have a camera crew following them around and filming them? Also, Khloe needed to lose her fabulous nails with the French manicure.
The tour guide shows them the restaurant that is Kim’s favorite. The K-girls yell out: “Kartrashians? We don’t want to talk about them!” When the tour guide mentions that Tyga tried to keep out Paul McCartney at 1Oak, they all yell out: “Not true!” People are starting to suspect who they are. So they decide to jump off the bus at the Beverly Hills Hotel because paparazzi’s are not allowed there. They make a run for it.
Khloe peeling off her face
In the car now, Khloe starts peeling off her face and wigs and stuff. They are laughing like crazy. Kylie and Kendall agree doing this with Khloe was more fun than with the other sisters. Back at Kendall’s condo, Scott and Kim come over and they share all the snap chats and videos with them. They like them. This makes Scott realize how much he has missed out on not being with the family. And he needs to think more positively. He will make more effort to be a part of the family.
Kim taking off her Big Coat
Kim says paparazzi’s are always going to be there. Kendall surmises that since paparazzi’s are always going to be a part of their lives, laughing about it makes it so much easier.