Hello, dear Trashies, how have you been? RHOC was dark last week due to Olympic Coverage. Personally, I’d like to see Bravolebrities participate in some of these Olympic events. Imagine Shannon doing the vault? Meghan spiking Jim’s severed head in a the Beach Volleyball Final? Heather getting her vagina steamed while doing the long jump? Or Vicki drowning in the deep end of the pool?
We open with a déjà vu:
WHO?
YOU!
WHO?
YOU!
WHO?
YOU!
Anyone miss that? Me neither.
Kelly arrives at Tamra’s house. Last weekend for Tamra to drink, before her fitness competition. Tamra explains, since Meghan won’t be able to have sushi once she is knocked up, they are going to have a celebration for her at a traditional Japanese restaurant. Nothing says “Welcome Screaming Harpies” like a tranquil, quiet, traditional, shoes-off Japanese Restaurant. Well, ok. That might be ok. Just thinking if they went to a North Korean restaurant, they would probably all wound up getting a bullet to the backs of their heads if anyone gets out of line. What am I saying IF? WHEN somebody gets out of line. It’s really just a question of Who at this point. Who? You! Who? You! Sick of that yet?
Kelly asks Tamra if she has been to Japan? Because Kelly has been… twice. Tamra says, ok, you can translate our names into Japanese to make the name cards. Because you can totally become fluent in Japanese over the course of two vacations. MisRed has been to Italy twice, but I certainly not fluent in Italian. I can order wine, sparkling water, gelato and say “Beware of the Dog.” Really, that’s the essentials you need in any language. Kelly says the Japanese just end everything in “O.” ArigatO. Eh, that’s not exactly the way it works. I’m sure the Japanese love Tourist Kelly.
I became a millionaire by sucking the right d*cks.
Kelly tells Tamra that Shannon is not her “type of girl.” Tamra says that Shannon, at heart, is a good person. Kelly rehashes the whole damn thing AGAIN, how Jaci said that she wasn’t with Michael when Jaci saw her in Park City. Is it just MisRed or does Kelly seem to be the only one upset by this? PsychoMike didn’t seem particularly upset, and not for nothing- Kelly was SEPARATED from Michael at the time, oh and engaged.
I got to off-load her for awhile. #winning
Tamra asks what Shannon would have to gain from setting Kelly up? Kelly doesn’t really know. Then Tamra tells Kelly that Nina said Kelly “sucks d*cks to pay her bills.” Kelly says she feels sorry for people that say nasty things. Psst, this is foreshadowing. Kelly says “I’ve been a millionaire for years and years and years- I don’t need to do that.” “That” being: suck d*cks. Isn’t her husband the millionaire?
You’ll do it just like every other woman. Get on your back, point your heels to Jesus, and think of designer handbags.
We join the family Gunvalson/Wolfsmith/Culberson for lunch. Vicki has a whole 2 hours between customer appointments so she is spending a full 7 minutes with Briana and Troy.
In her talking head, in which, btw, she looks so pretty, Briana says that even though Vicki bought the house, she and Ryan paying for the renovations themselves. Their budget is $50k and if she goes one penny over, she will cry herself to sleep every night. In the next breath, Vicki says that she is going to buy a boat. A big boat. Then she says she had to give Donn their boat. The boat for which she paid. Because she is the one with the money. Then Vicki says “I need to find a husband so I can do things.”
It makes me a little sick that Vicki is so desperate. I mean, she’s not completely fugly, she’s just the most annoying woman on the planet.
Briana says that before Vicki dates anyone, they need to have a job, and Briana will need to see their arrest record. Vicki just wants to date someone younger than her, 5 yrs younger. Briana questions why a younger man would want to date Vicki? Vicki’s “love tank” is empty. Vicki needs someone to do her “bitch work,” because her laundry is really piling up. All Vicki wants is to have sex <INSERT MISRED’S DRY HEAVE HERE> and travel. Briana suggest she get back together with Donn, the thought of which makes Vicki scoff.
Tamra calls Meghan to go over the guest list for her “sushi insemination dinner.” Wouldn’t it be funny if Meghan gave birth to a Salmon Skin Hand Roll? Tamra wants to know if Meghan is okay with Vicki attending because they had a “moment” at the Disco Party. A moment where Meghan complained about being bloated and Vicki didn’t harass her for not having a job. Meghan said she doesn’t want Vicki there. But Tamra said she already invited her based on the conversation they had the previous day, where Meghan said to invite “all the girls.”
Vicki is never a good idea.
Meghan says it’s rude and inappropriate for Tamra to suggest Vicki be permitted to attend and Tamra shouldn’t shove Vicki in her face the day before she gets pregnant. Tamra is, understandably, confused. Then Meghan is like- Screw the whole thing, I’d rather sleep. Tamra is like- Why are we canceling the whole thing? She offers to just un-invite Vicki. Sounds like Meghan has some hormone issues. Tamra says “I can’t. I just can’t with these girls.”