Well last week on Big Brother was a real whirlwind of emotion – some butterflies tried to start beef with Paulie before he was evicted from the house, there was a clip show on Friday for no apparent reason unless people are just that hungry for some Ziggy Marley action, Paul in a business suit was starting to oddly grow on me, and the remaining house guests had begun a Fear Factor style competition to determine HOH. Will tonight’s episode show us Paulie and the ladies in the Jury House? Will he encounter butterflies there as well? Will Julie Chen sport a side pony? No, because this isn’t a Thursday ep. Anyway, let’s dive into tonight’s thrilling Biiiiiig Brrrrrother!
This episode is brought to you by the saddest lil flag wave of all time.
To win HOH in this week’s competition, the houseguests are trapped in a pitch black “Black Box”, and have to stay in their own lane within, holding down a button until they are given 30 seconds to search for discs (in their lane) that they’ll stack on a pole. Whoever has the most discs wins! Oh yeah, also they are being pelted with rando foul smelling liquid throughout this, and they’re searching for the discs in a sticky sludge and some feathery stuff.
Fuuuuuuuuun
OOOH FLASHBACK TIME – 82 minutes before last eviction. Paulie was having a meeting with Nicole, Paul, and Corey, where he tells them that the next people who need to be out of the house are Victor and James, and Paul agrees.
Nicole immediately goes and tells Nat and James this, and that she is NOT AT ALL down with getting James out of the house. Nat is like “Oh hellllll no!”, and is mad at Paul for wanting to get out James, and by default, her, out of the house. James is cool with Nicole now and wants to take her and Corey to the final four along with him and Natalie; James promises Nicole that no one will come between them.
Except Natalie
BACK TO THE BLACK BOX. So far Michelle has gotten the most discs (2), and she also won an advantage earlier in the day during a pie eating contest. Oh yeah, did you know that this contest is 2 hours long? It is. Corey uses his freakishly long arms to his advantage by reaching around and getting discs while still holding down his button.
Unfair advantage, Stretch
Michelle’s actual advantage was 30 extra seconds to search for discs, but she didn’t find any. The weird Jigsaw voice comes on again and announces the next 30 seconds. James is all “when I’m back at home I can make a sandwich and use the bathroom in 30 seconds”, but in the black box it feels like time ends before it starts.
What kind of sandwich you makin in 30 seconds? Like, a mayonnaise sandwich?
Some wacky-ass hijinks ensue as Paul loses a shoe, Michelle almost falls, and then Corey pokes James and HE almost falls over.
If even one person gets this reference, my life is complete. Sorry everybody else.
Michelle is flailing her arms around trying to get some of the gunk off her, and she loses her grip on the button and is eliminated. As she walks out, Vic is all “DANG IT MICHELLE!” and Michelle of course starts to cry (yesssss).
Back in the black box, the mystery goop is coming back down on them, while Corey says “thank yew, big brothur..” – the elapsed time is 34 minutes. Nat complains about her back, and Paul says everyone is hurting and then he loses his OTHER shoe! More liquid is dumped on them (seriously, what IS it though, guys? James says it smells like a port-a-potty…) then a powdery mist is sprayed in their faces.
Spooky spray
The elapsed time now is 1 hour 9 minutes, and Nat falls on her face, but none of the other contestants see it because the whole thing is in the dark.
We saw everything though.
The sound effects are getting progressively more insane, but a lively ska tune has started up in the background – pick it up! At this point, everyone is lying about how many discs they have on their pole, and everyone’s scrambling to get more and Nat just wants to make a deal. On the way back to his pole, James has four discs in his hand but slips on his back and is eliminated.
I guess James and Nat were really falling in love – HAHA GET IT
Shortly after that, the whole contest is over and everyone heads outside to tally up their discs. Paul has 5.
“This competition sucked and I sucked at it”
Nicole also has 5, Corey has 10 (wooo!) and Natalie has (drumrolllllllll) 10! Oh shit, it’s a tie! What now, Big Bros? Paul thinks he’d rather have Nat win the tie breaker because he knows Corey would put him on the block, but doesn’t think Natalie would, but Nat is ON TO YOU Paul, and knows you’d vote James out.
Either way, Glitter Beard is Glitter Screwed.
TIE BREAKER TIME, Y’ALL! Nat won because she placed her final disc down 4 seconds before Corey, so she is the new HOH! She is super psyched to win her first HOH and James is proud of her but also nervous because now they’ll have to actually commit to a side. Nicole just hopes that Nat will work with her, and Paul hopes she’ll keep the targets on Corey and Nicole, and I’m excited to see who will be disappointed (signs point to Paul).
Time to crush some dreams!
Back in the house, Paul is PISSED, Michelle is like, blow drying her shorts, and Natalie is showering off the goop in the shower and feeling nervous about nominations. Also, she totally forgot the part about having to nominate two people for eviction.