TMZ – Rickety Old Timer Down with Your Phunky Phresh Beats
John McCain, your elder, so have some damn respect will ya, admitted with aw-shucks defeat that he likes Britney Spears. He likes Britney Spears! Sure. Why not, kid. Yeah, he’s real keen on that betty. She’s a real dime. You know who’s really great though? You know who Ole Man McCain is super into? That Clint Eastwood. Now there’s a fella you could share a Lucky with. True American patriot. Ole Man McCain and Geezer Eastwood could just spend hours together on the porch, sitting in rocking chairs, cradling rifles, shooting at squirrels and staring down rowdy kids that have the nerve to pass by on their flashy ass bicycles. Thinkin like they’re hotshots all’a sudden. >:(
People – That Buzzing Sound is Back
Professionally Haggard Wench Kate Gosselin is screaming at the press again, bitchin’ about her divorce from John like we haven’t heard this shrill, obnoxious, not-in-anyway-touching sob story a million fucking times before. Kate, literally, you are the word “nag.” If God was Oxford’s English Dictionary, he would have delivered you unto us as a prophet of what NAG is. Nag as human incarnate. Do you suddenly drop dead unless you’ve told someone how beleaguered you are lately? Do you know when your divorce happened, by the way? Two Thousand Fucking Nine. Seven long ass years ago. Do you know what you could have done in that time? Picked up a new hobby. Had a bottle of wine. Gotten laid. Started a new career. Taken care of one of your 4,924 kids. Jesus, I dunno Kate. Just take all this whining and bitching and blow it at someone who cares, like a corpse.
Perez Hilton – Dear Paps Thx For Takin Care of the Wife All These Years Luv Kanye
Here are some $200 Yeezy Boosts. Don’t fuck em up.
Us – Please Don’t Remember I Was Ever on the Same Show as NeNe Leakes, Guys
Kim Zoliciak, a funny mask from the Halloween surplus store that sprouted a body one night and ran away, got a pretty nice anniversary present from her cornfed, drop-dead gorgeous, totally sweet (but kinda dumb, but that’s OK), football slamming husband Kroy Biermann. Guess what. It’s an obnoxiously huge diamond. Duh. Surprise. It’s like the size of my apartment. So yay. Good for the Biermanns. I’m just going to go on pretending that I don’t secretly love your reality show and your six adorable but terribly named children.
E! – We Kan’t Eskape
Khloe Kardashian is refiling for divorce, which apparently a thing that actually exists and is allowed in the family court system of the United States of America? from husband, basketball player, and Tyrone Biggums source file Lamar Odom. Because this is one merry-go-round we are never gunna get off. So buckle in, buster. Try not to puke.
Wheeeeeeeee!killme
Have a great weekend, bitches!
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