Hello everybody, I’m back! This is the very first Christmas-themed recap I ever wrote for TVGasm way back in 2009, so I thought I would share it all over again. Don’t judge me, it’s called “regifting”… enjoy! :) Welcome everyone, and Merpyful RamaHannuChristmaKwanzukkah! As part of my contractual obligation with TrashTalkTV overwhelming Christmas Spirit™ I’ve been asked to tell you a Christmas story. So here goes: A long time ago, in the dim, dead days of the 1970′s there was a “special” little boy named J-Mo who liked to dance to Donny Osmond disco records, dress his Curious George in flashy outfits and jump up and down on his bed singing “Jean Naté… Jean Naté… Jean Naté… Whee, I’m gay!”. Clearly he was sort of a ‘tard, but still a very sweet child who more than anything loved Christmas Time, and all the wonderful TV specials that came with it… …in all their gloriously weird Rankin Bassiness… Every year he would get that special warm feeling inside when he and his older brother M-Mo would sit down in footie pajamas in front of their hulking RCA TV set (that had no remote control at all) and watch primitive wooden figures dancing and singing songs of Secular Christmas (which was sort of a relief, they got plenty of religious preaching from those sneaky bastards over in the Charlie Brown neighborhood). The two of them would dream of a beautiful Christmas Eve in which sleigh bells tinkled in the night, one might hear prancing hooves on the rooftop, and fall asleep to the sounds of someone coming down the chimn– er, through the front door (since they had no fireplace). Most of all, they would hope against hope that this year they might not wake up on Christmas morning to the joy of 47 shiny brand new (and extremely enticing) toys… only to be immediately kidnapped and taken away to boring-ass church for the next sixteen hours. Anyhow, it’s cold outside tonight, let’s get our footie pee-jays on, try not to get cigarette burns or spill our akamaholic drinks on them, and settle in together to revisit the classic Rankin/Bass production of Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town after the jump! …why millions of children of the 70′s grew up dyslexic… Our story starts with the Voice Of Fred Astaire driving a North Pole Mail truck through a snowy woods. Suddenly the truck belches, farts fire and stalls, causing one of the nearby snow-covered trees to nearly bury him in a mini-avalanche. Ole Freddie the Postal Worker jumps out and immediately breaks the fourth wall, talking directly to us and telling us that he gets a lot of letters from little children with questions about Santa Claus. The camera zooms in on one of the bags of letters, and it appears that the letters themselves begin to speak in the overlapping voices of little children, asking questions about Santa, eventually rising in a maddening chorus of creepy kids repeating “Why?” over and […]
Hello everybody, I’m back! This is the very first Christmas-themed recap I ever wrote for TVGasm way back in 2009, so I thought I would share it all over again. Don’t judge me, it’s called “regifting”… enjoy! :) Welcome everyone, and Merpyful RamaHannuChristmaKwanzukkah! As part of my contractual obligation with TrashTalkTV overwhelming Christmas Spirit™ I’ve been asked to tell you a Christmas story. So here goes: A long time ago, in the dim, dead days of the 1970′s there was a “special” little boy named J-Mo who liked to dance to Donny Osmond disco records, dress his Curious George in flashy outfits and jump up and down on his bed singing “Jean Naté… Jean Naté… Jean Naté… Whee, I’m gay!”. Clearly he was sort of a ‘tard, but still a very sweet child who more than anything loved Christmas Time, and all the wonderful TV specials that came with it… …in all their gloriously weird Rankin Bassiness… Every year he would get that special warm feeling inside when he and his older brother M-Mo would sit down in footie pajamas in front of their hulking RCA TV set (that had no remote control at all) and watch primitive wooden figures dancing and singing songs of Secular Christmas (which was sort of a relief, they got plenty of religious preaching from those sneaky bastards over in the Charlie Brown neighborhood). The two of them would dream of a beautiful Christmas Eve in which sleigh bells tinkled in the night, one might hear prancing hooves on the rooftop, and fall asleep to the sounds of someone coming down the chimn– er, through the front door (since they had no fireplace). Most of all, they would hope against hope that this year they might not wake up on Christmas morning to the joy of 47 shiny brand new (and extremely enticing) toys… only to be immediately kidnapped and taken away to boring-ass church for the next sixteen hours. Anyhow, it’s cold outside tonight, let’s get our footie pee-jays on, try not to get cigarette burns or spill our akamaholic drinks on them, and settle in together to revisit the classic Rankin/Bass production of Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town after the jump! …why millions of children of the 70′s grew up dyslexic… Our story starts with the Voice Of Fred Astaire driving a North Pole Mail truck through a snowy woods. Suddenly the truck belches, farts fire and stalls, causing one of the nearby snow-covered trees to nearly bury him in a mini-avalanche. Ole Freddie the Postal Worker jumps out and immediately breaks the fourth wall, talking directly to us and telling us that he gets a lot of letters from little children with questions about Santa Claus. The camera zooms in on one of the bags of letters, and it appears that the letters themselves begin to speak in the overlapping voices of little children, asking questions about Santa, eventually rising in a maddening chorus of creepy kids repeating “Why?” over and […]