Greetings, Trashies! Sorry for the delay. Remember when I said I was entering the “famine” portion of my usual work? Well, I was apparently very wrong. I need to learn not to jinx things like that. I had to cram a whole week’s worth of work in three days, but now I’m chilling in my parents’ basement after a very crazy Fourth of July. Let’s get this snark party started! We’re in Chicago this week. This is our first time here, right? I’m starting to lose track because we keep repeating cities. We’re only 2:26 into this episode and I already want to punch Nick in the face for his “make some Illi-noise” pun. I usually love a good pun, but that was awful even by my standards. Is it time for the first act yet? Kelsey Huxford is up first…with her dog Bailey. Apparently, she’s never left her dog for even a night. Does that seem a little odd to anyone else? I love my cat like it’s my job, but I have definitely spent a night or two away from her. Kelsie also admits to sneaking Bailey into hotels. I wonder if she knows that most hotels allow you to have pets as long as you let them know ahead of time. I won’t be ignored, Bailey!And then Kelsey and Bailey “dance” to “We Go Together.” It’s cute, but I can’t imagine buying a ticket to go see this as a whole show. It really was nothing more than Bailey running around Kelsey as she walked around the stage. For some reason, the judges just throw on endless praise. How the hell does Kelsey make it through with an act like this? Like I said, this was cute as hell, but it wasn’t anything more than that. Would anyone out there actually buy tickets to this show?Bruce and his family do a bunch of tricks with basketballs…and unicycles…and his twelve children. I’m not really sure how to describe it because the show focuses on them for all of 15 seconds and they are on their way to Vegas. After that, Cammie (I hope I spelled that correctly) sings a song. We get no back story from her and we again spend all of 15 seconds on her audition. From what I hear, it’s the weirdest and most melodramatic version of “Over the Rainbow” that I’ve ever heard. Anyway, she gets through to Vegas.We continue our light speed auditions with dancers using televisions to perform the most literal interpretation of “What a Wonderful World” that has ever existed in this universe.This is literally the most literal show I’ve ever seen.There is more gushing from the judges. It’s another big love fest and the group makes it through. Did anyone even catch their name?David Ferman was inspired by a comedy juggler he saw on a cruise when he was a kid. He doesn’t think that anyone has ever juggled on “America’s Got Talent” before. Apparently, David doesn’t have access to [...]
Greetings, Trashies! Sorry for the delay. Remember when I said I was entering the “famine” portion of my usual work? Well, I was apparently very wrong. I need to learn not to jinx things like that. I had to cram a whole week’s worth of work in three days, but now I’m chilling in my parents’ basement after a very crazy Fourth of July. Let’s get this snark party started! We’re in Chicago this week. This is our first time here, right? I’m starting to lose track because we keep repeating cities. We’re only 2:26 into this episode and I already want to punch Nick in the face for his “make some Illi-noise” pun. I usually love a good pun, but that was awful even by my standards. Is it time for the first act yet? Kelsey Huxford is up first…with her dog Bailey. Apparently, she’s never left her dog for even a night. Does that seem a little odd to anyone else? I love my cat like it’s my job, but I have definitely spent a night or two away from her. Kelsie also admits to sneaking Bailey into hotels. I wonder if she knows that most hotels allow you to have pets as long as you let them know ahead of time. I won’t be ignored, Bailey!And then Kelsey and Bailey “dance” to “We Go Together.” It’s cute, but I can’t imagine buying a ticket to go see this as a whole show. It really was nothing more than Bailey running around Kelsey as she walked around the stage. For some reason, the judges just throw on endless praise. How the hell does Kelsey make it through with an act like this? Like I said, this was cute as hell, but it wasn’t anything more than that. Would anyone out there actually buy tickets to this show?Bruce and his family do a bunch of tricks with basketballs…and unicycles…and his twelve children. I’m not really sure how to describe it because the show focuses on them for all of 15 seconds and they are on their way to Vegas. After that, Cammie (I hope I spelled that correctly) sings a song. We get no back story from her and we again spend all of 15 seconds on her audition. From what I hear, it’s the weirdest and most melodramatic version of “Over the Rainbow” that I’ve ever heard. Anyway, she gets through to Vegas.We continue our light speed auditions with dancers using televisions to perform the most literal interpretation of “What a Wonderful World” that has ever existed in this universe.This is literally the most literal show I’ve ever seen.There is more gushing from the judges. It’s another big love fest and the group makes it through. Did anyone even catch their name?David Ferman was inspired by a comedy juggler he saw on a cruise when he was a kid. He doesn’t think that anyone has ever juggled on “America’s Got Talent” before. Apparently, David doesn’t have access to [...]