Just when I thought I wouldn’t have to see these idiots again, there they are. At least Sabrina decided to dye her hair back to brown. Rebecca decided to dress up for the occasion. No hot pink cheetah print leggings paired with a truck stop shirt today. She teaches us that “nice dress” is relative, because she’s wearing jeans and a knit top. Real Housewives reunion this is not. None of the kids speak above their inside voice, the host responds to answers with a dull “OK”, and the music sounds like a bad porn. So, strap on your cheetah leggings and prepare for the most boring reality TV reunion evah! Our host is some woman named Michelle Beadle and her first question addresses Rebecca’s upset over Sissy wanting to tag along. Before she can really answer, Jeremiah chimes in to applaud Abe for telling Rebecca to go fuck herself in the first episode. We all did, Jeremiah. We all did. The baby was with Abe and Rebecca the whole time, but they tried to keep her away from all of the BS. I’m curious as to how that would work, unless Rebecca and Abe weren’t actually living in the house. OR, maybe that’s the real reason Momma and Sissy came down. Who knows. I have a hard time sorting out this show. So, we abruptly cut to Jeremiah and his relationship with the White Trash Queen, Kim. Kim is lurking around backstage and we see this, because we can’t have an episode of Breaking Amish without mirroring some trashy 90s talk show. “I’m Kim and my boyfriend, Jeremiah, slept with over 100 women while we were together. I am 1,000 percent sure he’s lying. I’m gonna’ make him take a liar detectin’ test today!”We go where no real woman ever wants to go. I thought I would make it out of this season alive, but I may not. Sabrina tells us that the way Kim found out Sabrina slept with Jeremiah is that she asked her if she knew how big is Jeremiah’s junk. Then, Jeremiah says she can’t know very well, because it was just “in and out”. Can we not edit this stuff out? I realize that this is the most boring crop of people ever, but surely we can find something else to discuss. He makes a clever little chauvinistic quip and Michelle preps herself like Bruce Lee readying for a big fight in the ice plant. We move on to the MLK parade. Kate had a general idea of who he was and Jeremiah smugly admits that he knew the whole time, but just didn’t want to speak up and clue them in. Michelle’s not buying it and quizzes him. Jeremiah, like the true super-dumbass he is, notes that MLK freed the slaves. Oh boy. I thought that my student was the only person in the entire country who thought that. It’s an epidemic of stupid. I’m not buying the fact that they leave school [...]
Just when I thought I wouldn’t have to see these idiots again, there they are. At least Sabrina decided to dye her hair back to brown. Rebecca decided to dress up for the occasion. No hot pink cheetah print leggings paired with a truck stop shirt today. She teaches us that “nice dress” is relative, because she’s wearing jeans and a knit top. Real Housewives reunion this is not. None of the kids speak above their inside voice, the host responds to answers with a dull “OK”, and the music sounds like a bad porn. So, strap on your cheetah leggings and prepare for the most boring reality TV reunion evah! Our host is some woman named Michelle Beadle and her first question addresses Rebecca’s upset over Sissy wanting to tag along. Before she can really answer, Jeremiah chimes in to applaud Abe for telling Rebecca to go fuck herself in the first episode. We all did, Jeremiah. We all did. The baby was with Abe and Rebecca the whole time, but they tried to keep her away from all of the BS. I’m curious as to how that would work, unless Rebecca and Abe weren’t actually living in the house. OR, maybe that’s the real reason Momma and Sissy came down. Who knows. I have a hard time sorting out this show. So, we abruptly cut to Jeremiah and his relationship with the White Trash Queen, Kim. Kim is lurking around backstage and we see this, because we can’t have an episode of Breaking Amish without mirroring some trashy 90s talk show. “I’m Kim and my boyfriend, Jeremiah, slept with over 100 women while we were together. I am 1,000 percent sure he’s lying. I’m gonna’ make him take a liar detectin’ test today!”We go where no real woman ever wants to go. I thought I would make it out of this season alive, but I may not. Sabrina tells us that the way Kim found out Sabrina slept with Jeremiah is that she asked her if she knew how big is Jeremiah’s junk. Then, Jeremiah says she can’t know very well, because it was just “in and out”. Can we not edit this stuff out? I realize that this is the most boring crop of people ever, but surely we can find something else to discuss. He makes a clever little chauvinistic quip and Michelle preps herself like Bruce Lee readying for a big fight in the ice plant. We move on to the MLK parade. Kate had a general idea of who he was and Jeremiah smugly admits that he knew the whole time, but just didn’t want to speak up and clue them in. Michelle’s not buying it and quizzes him. Jeremiah, like the true super-dumbass he is, notes that MLK freed the slaves. Oh boy. I thought that my student was the only person in the entire country who thought that. It’s an epidemic of stupid. I’m not buying the fact that they leave school [...]