Hope everyone had a spooky Halloween! Now onto the medical monsters…we open the show with a 66 year old woman, Lanique, with a face pulled tighter than a drum discussing her boobs. Her breasts, when she raises her arms, looks like a weird bubbly rippled mess. She had a boob job at 37 and had another soon thereafter. The scar, instead of going under the tit, goes across the bottom of it and looks like she had a bad encounter with a stabby guy.
For some reason, we are treated to Terry and Nassif discussing sex in the call room when they were medical students before Lanique arrives. She relays her story and reveals herself as a headcase. She speaks with weird non-sequiturs and ill-timed laughter and I think the doctors are contemplating how to do a brain transplant during the operation. Also, what the hell is this name? Lanique? Is that like a Local Area Network and Unique together? It’s annoying.
Like a New England Patriots football
Terry says she has “severe disfigurement but just wants to be normal.” Well, that might be an uphill battle but at least she will have a decent set of boobs at the end.
The next case is Candace who has a funky nose. She describes it as having lots of bumps and ridges and that it is very wide. Honestly, it does not look awful. But she feels her childhood was taken away from her because she was made fun of. Christ, parents, instill some confidence in your kids. Instead, her idiot Mom let her get a nose job at age 12!
She blames herself and is very wrapped up in her nose. But, she has a husband and two kids. So it isn’t like she is crying herself to sleep on a bus station bench every night. We go to commercials to get a break from feeling bad for other people.
Thankfully, we don’t have to feel guilty for too long because we meet Elle from Newport Beach and learn about her conservative upbringing and wonky boobs. She got crappy implants with high breasts and low nips. She wanted the Pam Anderson look and had some really bad surgery. She could not even lift her arm for six months. Yikes. Elle’s breasts have been holding her back. And probably hurting her back as well. She should have just become a lawyer after getting in to Harvard and winning them over with her froo froo ways and smart brain.
They have this stupid side storyline with Elle having a crush on Nassif. Nassif is sitting there looking like a goober. Elle seems like a nice gal but definitely a moron. She didn’t even question that her previous doctor didn’t schedule a post operation appointment!
I feel the juices flowing. And if don’t there is surgery for that!
Terry examines Elle and says that they can help her in a huge way. Yeah, I am sure. Terry is 100% jerking off later that evening and thinking about her. Terry promises to make her look amazing.
We jump back to Lanique who is ready for her surgery. They open up a boob and pull out an odd triangle of silicone. Terry says “What the hell is this?” I think they also find a 1980’s GoBot and a pack of Cool Ranch Doritos in there.
They pop out the implant and there is another sheet of silicone in there. Terry is confused but amusingly says he would not expect anything else from Lanique.
This show really is like a dual disclaimer for both NOT getting plastic surgery and getting the RIGHT doctor for plastic surgery.
Now, Candace and her nose are back. Nassif pronounces her nose “messed up,” which I think is a medical term. Terry informs us that 15 is the minimum age for surgery and at 12, the nose is not fully developed.
The doctors take their time to explain what surgery can and cannot do. Nassif, who looks like a fucking psychic, feels all over her nose and comes away with so much information about bone fractures, scar tissue and surgical mesh. It is really impressive. He thinks he can help. Candace has a lot of hope.
Elle comes into the office for surgery and she has removed the raccoon makeup around her eyes. She is naturally pretty. They get her all prepped and remove the old implants. Terry says she has naturally pancake-y breasts but he thinks she will be happy-ish.
Candace and her husband Kevin are in the waiting room. He says some vaguely encouraging words and Candace looks overjoyed to get the process started. Nassif is really working on that nose as he corrects the previous surgeon’s mistakes. He gets the mesh out in one piece and is confident he will get a very good improvement.