Page Six – Robert DeNiro Is Yelling At Spiders
Robert DeNiro is a cool guy who makes pretty rad movies and also he’s the Prime Minister of New York City, where he rubs shoulders with movie stars and kings. Unfortunately, though, the winds of time are slowly corroding the great monoliths of DeNiro’s mind, turning them into sand and dreams. That’s probably why he’s becoming increasingly ornery and has gone on record being a major dick to people just because he has an expensive headache or some shit. On Wednesday, he was presenting an award to disenfranchised baby collector Angelina Jolie at the MoMA (in front of lots of rich people in tuxedos and gowns eating thousand-dollar plates of food) when he chose to go off on the recipient who had just accepted beforehand. Sniveling at tech mogul Stewart Butterfield, he “went on record” as having serious beef with the guy even though he didn’t know “who the fuck” he was. What a classy, not-crazy thing to say Bobby! Why don’t you just turn in for the night. Go turn on Matlock; we’ll bring you your Drambuie and cough drops.
Defamer – Ellen Pompeo Feels Bad About That.
“That” being her tweet about Daniel Craig needing a reality check. Welcome to This World We Live In, where it’s high school all the time! Juicy gossip left and right, juicy gossip outta sight!
People – REPORT: LAMAR ODOM PARTYING HARD
… in the hospital. Khloe Kardashian, a woman you’ve never heard of, is reportedly planning a massive kegger for ex and recovering bender haver Lamar Odom at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. I mean this party’s gunna have everything: balloons, a birthday cake, maybe some gifts, people standing around, a table, some chairs, that window over there. Seriously kid, this shit’s gunna be on the next level. We might get a little stupid from this, so hang on to your butts.
TMZ – [white noise]
One of the flock welcomed a new ewe last night as Jessa Seewald, nee Duggar, christened what I’m sure is to be a well-traveled highway (her birth canal). After having complications with her home delivery, the 23-year-old and her 21-year-old husband rushed to the hospital to LOL do this the fuckin right way come on now. And guess what – she won! She got a boy. Phew.
Us – In Case You Needed Another Reason to Hate This Kid
Some infuriating adult diaper rash named Jason Beavers DARED to get Queen Bette Midler’s name wrong. That is because he is an embarrassing abortion of human substance whose brain has slowly sloughed out through his ears after repeated and aggressive exposure to Axe fumes. Pay this clown no mind.
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