Hey trash bags, I’ve got some bad news. This is our last recap for Couples Therapy as this week was the season finale. I know all 15 of us viewers are really bummed out, but as they say, all subpar television shows must come to an end. I know nothing will ever compare to Couples Therapy, but there is this other show that’s starting up on WEtv that’s called Marriage Boot Camp. It’s a show about washed-up irrelevant “celebrities” who fight to save their relationships and any sense of relevance. It’s no Couples Therapy, but it’s basically the exact same show only on a different channel. Also, they have Mama June and Honey Bear from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo this season. Hopefully this will help with everyone’s inevitable Couples Therapy withdrawals.
Last week, Carmen was pissing Adrian off for not being thrilled about the two-day deadline for their televised wedding. This week, she is still trying to defend her opposition to not having enough time to plan her “perfect” wedding. Finally, gentleman Joe steps in and tells Carmen she is acting like a brat and to go apologize to Adrian and get on board with the program. This is one of the few examples of me agreeing with Joe and Carmen seems to as well because she goes after Adrian to apologize. After speaking with Adrian, Carmen asks Janice to be her wedding because I guess part of her “perfect” wedding was having an insane person take control of everything. Janice graciously accepts and immediately starts sharing her ideas. Obviously, Janice has some great ideas such as white doves and lighting some of those “paper things that go up into the heavens” (spoiler alert: those are called Chinese lanterns and they don’t use either at the wedding”. Also, Janice decides to use this wedding as an excuse to get more botox. What have been her excuses in the past? It had do be a day on the calendar?
Janice and Rocky go to have their session with Dr. Jenn and Janice says that watching Carmen and Adrian’s romantic engagement has made her feel inadequate. She explains that she feels this way because she won’t be the beneficiary of Rocky’s health insurance, won’t be on his will, and she has to sign a prenuptial agreement. I feel bad because I can see why this would make Janice feel bad, but I can definitely agree with Rocky’s position because she is fucking crazy and he is probably doing what is best for both of them. Dr. Jenn does her best to explain this to Janice and they seem to leave their last meeting in a content fashion.
Meanwhile, Joe and Kaylin are hanging out. Kaylin wants to play a game but if you guys can believe it, Joe would rather fuck. Kaylin immediately shoots down this idea and the two soon begin a game of cards. Joe tries to act like he is enjoying himself, but we all know what he would rather be doing. It’s fun watching Kaylin holding onto her newfound power like that kitty hanging in there on that clothesline. Joe is basically withering away into nothing right in front of our eyes.
Carmen gives Jaclyn the role of wedding director and Jaclyn rightfully so is apprehensive and predicts some issues of stepping on Janice’s toes. Carmen is stupid and assures Jaclyn that she and Janice will work together. Has she been in the same show I’ve been watching for the last few months? Janice will definitely be getting her money’s worth in going on a power trip planning this wedding. Good luck with that, Jacyln.
At the very last group session, Dr. Jenn tells everyone that they will be telling their partners their “bottom lines” and what they expect or won’t tolerate moving forward in their relationships. Scott and Jaclyn are first and Jaclyn says that Scott needs to stay sober. Scott agrees and says that Jaclyn needs to respect his manhood and share responsibilities with him. Janice goes next and doesn’t say what her bottom line is. Instead, she takes this as another opportunity to say she doesn’t want to sign a prenuptial agreement. Dr. Jenn is like “we’ve discussed this, it’s gonna happen and it’s a good thing.” Rocky doesn’t get a turn because the VH1 producers couldn’t give two shits about what he has had to say all season. Neil and Big Ang are next and Neil says that Big Ang needs to change and not act like such a bitch anymore. Big Ang is proud of him for speaking up for himself and then says she wants Neil to finish a 12-step program. Carmen and Adrian are next and Adrian says he wants Carmen to stop interrupting him and to listen to him instead of focusing on how she is right all of the time. Carmen says she wants Adrian to forget their past issues and to move on. Kaylin and Joe are last and Kaylin shares that she wants a relationship with someone who will bring out the best in her. Joe accepts this and says he just wants Kaylin to be okay and thanks her for always being supportive of him.