Welcome to this year’s Fox live musical trainwreck! To be honest, I didn’t watch the past two, because I was busy and had no real connection to any of the stars or anything. But this sounds all too promising- and i’m writing a recap for it so I might need to watch a little bit. Little backstory, I did music theatre my whooooole lime long up until a couple of years ago, and I was pretty alright at it, so I’ve been told. But I’m even better at being judgmental so here I am!
We open with a cover of the song Grease by that one singer I have been avoiding up until now. And I was right to avoid. EH. I just paused it because they took a selfie 
I need a second.
Alright I have a water bottle and am ready to resume. Okay, wait, is this a live musical or just a live taping of a movie? This isn’t a stage. This is a movie set. I love Aaron Tveit with mine whole heart but this feels a little miscast??? Oh god. This isn’t working. Nothing is working. So far I’m alright with Vanessa Hudgens as Rizzo and I did not expect to be.
OH HERE SHE IS, SWEET SWEET SANDRA D! LITTLE MISS PERFECT!
Alright it’s time for Summer Lovin’!! Time to hear these nerds sing!! First we have to make sure the greasers prove how manly they are too each other, then we can begin. Aaron Tveit is a true star, taking it up the octave, all n all KILLIN IT. Then there’s Julianne Oatmeal. PERSONALLY I am not a fan of her voice, she sounds a little bit like she’s got a cotton ball stuck somewhere in her mouth. So far, V as Ritzo is my favorite part! Okay I haven’t seen Grease in a while, but I definitely do not recall this cheerleading bit. And I hate it. Why are we so mad that Sandy is good..? Why did we need this whole sequence, was it somewhere in Julisnsd’s contract? Whatever, whatever, Danny & Sandy reunite and we all know the story. But Carly Rae Jepsen just said “the only man a girl can rely on is her daddy” and I THREW UP! What the hell!
Pink Ladies Sleepover! Somebody has a HUGE room?? Something about Keke Palmer is just very off putting to me in this role. I just got done recapping Scream Queens and she didn’t really bother me there. She’s practiced every line in the mirror too many times or something. Her voice is alright, the sequence with the audience was weird and UNTRUE but it quickly became Sandra D with Vanessa’s legs lookin good and she’s still my favorite part. I wanna have a sleepover with her. Then Sandra Pee looks in the mirror, sheds a single tear, and finished throwing up to a tune.
Unprotected sex and Grease Lightning and I don’t care enough to comment. I am so sick of watching a bunch of dudes fight over nothing! V said “BITE THE WEENIE!” because she’s here to save the fucking day. I kind of love the song Magic Changes, or maybe it’s just been stuck in my head for the past 10 years so I got used to it, but either way, it’s nice. This dude has moments. Which is a thing I’m seeing a lot of. Nobody is super bad, and occasionally they hit a nice note, but overall eh!! I know there’s someone who could kill! Danny decides to be athletic and join the basketball team and welcome to Cameltoe: The Musical! If Aaron Tveit put on those shorts I would probably forgive him too, ms. Pee. Although I hate to say I’m pretty sure most of that booty is his mic pack. They decide to go to the dance together and then Danny and magic changes boy share some true magic by making out in front of everyone.
Gah, Danny and Sandy are so cute! I love it when my boyfriend is ashamed to be seen with me in public, so sweet! The more I watch the more I realize how disgusting Grease is. All I need is an Angel more like all I need is for this song to be over wow nice one! They wrote this song for Carly Rae Jepsen, so…why didn’t they write it in her range…? This is probably the worst song yet. TOO MUCH POP IN THIS WHOLE DAMN SHOW ALSO WTF WHY ARE THERE THREE ANGELS THIS IS BULLSHIT. I don’t care who you are!!! THis is wrong!!!
Joe Jonas singing at the dance is a good example of how this should be done. Let the leads be actual broadway vets, and then throw in someone fun for ratings. Please don’t make me listen to that song CRJ sang again! And I don’t even hate her! I watched her on Candian Idol and was obsessed with her song called Hotel Shampoos or something when I was like 13. (found it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBCX82cDbD8&noredirect=1 ) But her voice aint music theatre! Also why are we hating and slut shaming chacha? She’s pretty cool tbh. I hate Danny. Hint: if you’re guy acts like an asshole but it’s all a front and he’s really a nice guy? Nah he’s just an asshole sorry! Lesson learned.
I miss Mario Lopez!
Back at the dance, Danny fools around with cool girl ChaCha so Sandy goes home and hopelessly devotes herself to the column on her porch. Glad they kept that blow up pool full of Olivia Newton John’s tears.
You guys, Grease is terrible. Aaron Tveit is awesome and this role is nothing to him. If you think this is good, imagine him playing a role with any substance!! We’re all here to hear him sing that first verse of You’re The One That I Want, let’s be honest.
Vanessa Anne Hudgens OKAY???? She’s been my fav the whole time and this was make it or break it and grl MADE IT!! She had me feeling things when it turned to “I could hurt someone like me” I felt it!! Also, I heard her dad passed away this morning. Which is ridiculously sad and ugh. There has just been so much heartbreak and sadness lately I want to sit in my room and eat saltines and not come out for a week. V, you killed it. Your dad is proud of you. AND SO AM I .
OH, no. Danny accidentally murdered Kinky, so he’s gotta step up and be the brave one. What a gent! This driving sequence is cracking me UP. They sure are going fast for there to be NO WIND AT ALL I MEAN MY GOD! I don’t know anything about cars but that guy probably should have gotten one of those “go faster” switches installed. What a slip. Julianananabanana must have taken some throat coat because she’s stepping her game up! She went backstage to check twitter and couldn’t handle the love V was getting. That’s what you get when you play the oatmeal character. Be the funny girl if you want a hashtag. Anyway Sandra Dick decides to be herself no more, because what’s the point in that?
Hello Danny I am an actual DEMON now but I’ll let you feel me up!
I’m still uncomfortable with how long it has been since we heard from Mario Lopez, is he okay?
brb fast forwarding through morning announcements
I have been waiting fro Aaron Tveit to sing “I got chills” my entire life.
THAT GIANT GOLF CART NEARLY JUST TOPPLED OVER AND HOW AMAZING WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN.
It is the next day. I have slept on it. I have gathered my thoughts about Grease Live. Overall I am not impressed, but a lot of that has to do with me realizing how disgusting Grease is overall. Let me be clear, I think it is an awesome thing for television to be airing musicals, truly! I am a music theatre girl in my heart. And I understand that you need celebrities to get ratings. It just makes it a bad representation of theatre! The cast was alriiiight, but when you go see a broadway show you aren’t WORRIED about the people having their shit together. You don’t sit on the edge of your seat hoping your ingenue doesn’t wreck her big song. That’s kind of the point of Broadway. It’s live every day and they are consistent. Kind of the point, dare I say! Fill the cast with Broadway people and sprinkle in a big name. Don’t make us suffer. Don’t make me watch Anna Kendrick sing a duet with the guy from Phil of the Future. Please.
Thank you for reading! I’m excited to be back in the game, I’ll see you guys for the Oscars & RuPaul’s Drag Race!
For Demitrius, a lovely soul gone too soon. <3