Hello Trash Talkers! It’s Floshizzle, fresh off Mob Wives with a new crap show to recap. This one is a BRAND NEW SERIES! It’s the very latest in mindless entertainment from the greedy goblins at E! I just discovered this bitch this week, so we are doing a double.
So, who are the stars of the latest in trash? The L.A. Clippers Spirit dance team. If you are clueless about who the hell the L.A. Clippers are, all you need to know is that they are an NBA team. Easy, right? The L.A. Clippers Spirit is the pack of scantily clad women who dance on the sidelines during L.A. Clippers games. They also crawl across the basketball court in skimpy outfits during halftime and timeouts, without demanding any dollar bills. All of this for around minimum wage. That is, allegedly. That is the same crap pay the goddesses who cheer for the NFL are rumored to get, by the way. Sucky, huh?
However, unlike the NFL cheerleading teams, the NBA dance teams have little or nothing in the way of reality TV shows up until now. *Cue argument from NBA fans who are generous enough to read this* Meanwhile, Making the Team: The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders begins its eleventh season in August. It’s one brutal show that covers mostly the audition process, where you will very rarely see the women misbehaving in any shape or form. It’s the director and choreographer who are what many viewers consider the enemy. This show is going to expose the dancers who are villains, on and off the dance floor.
These eyebrows do not belong on an NBA dance team.
We arrive in L.A. on audition day, which was last July. The first wannabe we meet is Athena Perample (just had to mention her shizz last name), a vapid blonde in a Victoria’s Secret sports bra and black booty shorts. Right now she’s in her apartment, preening in front of the mirror. She’s from Michigan and has been dancing since she was eleven. Hell if I know how old she is. My guess is 26. All I can tell from her dance pics is that she’s definitely had her ears pinned somewhere along the way, along with a few other things I haven’t identified yet. This woman has put some serious cash into her current face.
Athena tells us she is auditioning because dancing for an NBA team is a dream of hers. She’s known forever that she wanted a career in dance. When she finishes gazing admiringly at her arse in the mirror, she calls her mom for a pep talk. The conversation is not as much about the audition as it is about squeezing in brag time. Her mother eggs her on, and tells her how amazing her body looks. NO. I do not want any fame whore mothers on this show. Athena’s excited about the hot guys who will be watching her if she makes the team. She never got that when she was working on Glee, because guys never watched the show. They are into sports. Her words. Um, what? I couldn’t deal with Lea Michele’s nose long enough to watch more than a few episodes, but I’ve never heard of this woman. She’s acting like she was a regular cast member. And WTF on the idea that guys did not watch the show? Don’t blame that show’s run on women, space cadet. Naturally, I check into this GLEE business. She was in all of one episode back in 2011. One, with no character name and no lines. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve met the show’s biggest fame whore and we’re not even ten minutes in.
We are now in a kitchen somewhere in L.A. with another newbie, Blair, and her family. She is naturally pretty, mellow and looks like she’s fresh out of high school, although she’s 21. Unfortunately, she lives with her mother, who is an overbearing sourpuss with a bad weave. Blair doesn’t seem to mind her too much. She patiently explains to her mother that the L.A. Clippers are not NFL team, but an NBA team so she won’t get any pom poms. The NFL has cheerleading teams. The NBA has dance teams. Her mother informs her that there will be no twerking or hanging with hoochies.
Let me clear up any confusion here. The NFL cheerleaders are also dancers. Thank you very much. Now go back to being pleasant so I will continue to like you.
While Blair shows promise as a fan favorite, I’m holding off on her for now. She’s in an all-girl band, so she may have some claws:
E! wants you to know Blair is biracial, just because.
She’s auditioning because she needs the exposure. She also loves to dance and has trained her entire life. Her mother informs her that she is to befriend only wholesome girls. No hoochies or twerkers. Okay, this is a little too much BS. I gave her a pass for the pretend NBA/NFL confusion. I will not give her another. I KNOW she’s seen some of the moves this team does. Just. Stop.