Hello my loves,
Sorry for the delay. My computer was hacked by the Chinese mafia. OK, that may be a bit of an embellishment. Let’s put all discussion of technical difficulties aside and jump right into recapping the second episode. We open on Skinny Spacek (thanks, Sunny Day) reliving her recent humiliation in the bottom 3. It felt like a “punch in the face,” “kick in the gut,” and like she was “bent over for another upper cut in the face.” And the only one who gets to inflict that kind of abuse on her is Piper Laurie. Also, way to take the judges’ advice and keep it positive, Skinny Spacek.
In the FNS kitchen, Giada “Big Head” continues to baffle with her fashion choices.
Food Network is no longer trying to pretend it has anything to do with cooking. That’s why there’s a food network and a cooking channel. No, it’s mostly challenge shows (which is excellent for Caribbean Barbie if their recent lineup is any indication) and travel shows. And this week, we’re tackling the travel shows. Bobby tells them that now a FNS is often called upon to go on the road and show people interesting far off food destinations. That’s why they’re getting in their cars and going to L.A.’s Grand Central Market. Exotic…
To stir up some drama, they’ll have to pair up and shoot team report videos on one unique vendor. And… go. Thrown for a loop, everyone turns around a tries to not snag a loser. People pair up quickly, except for Mel, Monterey, Jernard, and Ana.
God, so much to unpack. So little time.
As you can see, Skinny Spacek is desperate to make a friend and like an improperly socialized shut in, she’s running right past the smiley Monterey “Not A Top Model” towards Ana who’s body language just screams “don’t touch me.” Oh, poor Skinny Spacek. In her TH (talking head) Ana says she didn’t want to hurt Skinny’s feelings so she just went with it. It’s OK to just say NO, ladies.
Because’s Ana’s a shrinking violet and too considerate to be rude to someone (pfft, I know, I’m hilarious) our teams are… Rob and Aaron, Monterey and Jernard, Erin and Martita, Yaku and Tregaye, Joy and Damiano, and Melissa and Ana. God, I’m ready to cut some dead weight. I can’t be responsible to remembering all these ridiculous names every week. In typical Ana fashion, she can’t really keep her mouth shut and so before they send them off she just blurts out “yeah, not sure how this is going to work out.” LOL. She has no filter. Yaku charms everyone by sweeping Tregaye off her feet and out the door. (It actually looks kind of uncomfortable because he’s so much bigger than her that she’s bent in half.)
Once they get to their locations in Grand Central Market, they have 30 minutes to rehearse and shoot a one minute video. On the one hand, talking like a normal human being for a minute should not be that difficult. On the other hand, I have residual animosity about ridiculous time constraints from years of watching Project Runway.
Yaku and Tregaye end up at Belcampo Meat Co. It’s a butcher shop that serves grass fed meat from the farm. A bit like Rue last season, I find Tregaye’s lipstick more interesting than her personality. They start off well speaking in unison but Yaku keeps stumbling over his lines. I have no idea why they don’t just switch their parts of the script if he can’t get over the word “sustainability” but logic and reason have no place on FNS.
Rob the Lunch Lady and Aaron, who I’ve decided to call “Meathead,” are at Wexler’s Deli where they sell… meat. Rob’s having fun with Aaron because he reminds him of the kids who traipse into the cafeteria to eat the state-provided reheated cardboard and fruits and vegetables that fell off the back of a truck. “It’s like I adopted a 5-year-old hyperactive kid. I think I’m going to keep him.” There’s a little discomfort in Meathead’s eyes when he looks into the camera but overall they do a good job. They don’t get to try the food in their one minute but they think that take was so good, they won’t jinx it. I’m sure this won’t come back to bite them.
Jernard (whose name I really want to change to Jerel or Jerry or anything I recognize as an actual name) and Monterey “NATM” are assigned Olio Wood Fire Pizza. They jump pretty quickly into shooting their video which consists of Ruben Studdard shouting all his lines so NATM doesn’t outshine him. If that doesn’t shout insecurity, I’m not sure what does. NATM is too non-confrontational to tell him that he’s deafening her so she sucks it up and hopes he’ll take a hint from the blood slowly leaking out of her ears. He doesn’t.