Last week, Bethenny called Luann names. Luann finally stopped changing her blouse. Carole moped, Sonja got her vagina tightened and Dorinda yelled a little less than normal. Ramona was actually kinda reasonable and Jules chased everyone around the house.
They’re still using timestamps but that’s so last week. In case you were wondering, it’s now 7:35 and Luann has been caught talking about Bethenny in the kitchen. They go back and forth some more with Luann denying that she ever took credit for SkinnyGirl. Bethenny says she’s not honest. Dorinda is tugging her ear like she’s hoping to channel Carole Burnett and make this show end.
Bethenny finally acknowledges that she treated Luann like crap because of Carole. Luann also talked crap about Bethenny over the summer but we don’t get any more detail than that. Luann says it was a long time ago but the way my calendar works, the summer was just a few months before this was shot. Bethenny says she’s not being cool because she criticizes Carole for dating younger guys when she does the same. Luann says she doesn’t give a flying leap what Carole does but she will give a flying leap to any man who owns an apartment on the UES.
Dorinda is running around the house escaping rooms while Jules brings up the rear. It’s like The Shining but scarier. Jules is wearing her winter coat and I don’t blame her. Can you imagine the heat bill in that house? Dorinda probably has it set on Sonja degrees. Dorinda and Jules play Twister while Ramona is on her phone probably sending anonymous boob pics to Mario.
Back in the kitchen, Bethenny tells Luann that women don’t want their men around her. Even Sonja says she’s slept with half her boyfriends.
Luann reflexively attemtps to clutch her pearls.
Did someone say Sonja in the city…alone? Sonja is begrudgingly packing a care package for her daughter. She’s complaining about it because she wants Amazon Prime to raise her child. She probably thinks that’s a Transformer. The stylist explains that her daughter will like opening a package along with all of the other kids. Maybe he should rethink letting this happen because everything she’s packing looks like it came from the clearance section of a bankrupt dollar store. Sonja can’t even see but refuses to wear glasses because Ramona says boys won’t like her. Feminism Forevs! She also simulates sex acts with one of the items before telling us that she’s been wearing the same clothes for days on end. She says she’s going to stop drinking and start showering. That’s not really gonna help since she’s probably fermented.
Back at the house, I can’t do this anymore. They just keep calling Luann a bad friend and Luann denies it. Luann tries to bring Dorinda into it but she plays dumb because she wants to burn her house down. So do I. I haven’t seen one rooster or white cabinet. This is not the house of a real housewife. Luann says she’s Teflon but isn’t even sure what it means. I think it means nothing sticks to her but she might kill you.
They finally start to bring it down and Luann starts crying and saying that she’s worried about Sonja. They’re all worried that a man is going to kill her. I think they’re trying to tell Bethenny to lighten up on her but she will not give in on the Tipsy Girl thing becuase she had to deal with phone calls and investors.
“I’d rather eat what’s in Dorinda’s sink than be nice to Sonja.”
Dorinda presents the group with two lasagnas, one Kosher, for Jules who seems to keep Kosher based on whether there’s caviar or not. While they’re eating, Santa arrives and sounds like Sonja in a Mrs. Doubtfire suit. Dorinda dotes like a 60’s housewife while Jules is standing in an ANTM pose circa 2003. I can’t get the pic. Just rewind it and enjoy. Carole leaves the table after they get their gifts. She’s my kind of freeloader. Luann says she thought Santa was John and Dorinda says it was her sister. Luann is just on a roll with Dorinda’s family members today.
Bethenny seems like she’s put her heart in the microwave and says she’s beating herself up for what she said to Luann. Somehow it goes right back into her calling Luann crafty and cunning. OMG and they’re going at it again! Ramona accuses Luann of moving in on their men and Luann throws it back at her. When will they all admit that beneath their strong, independent, woman surface, they all just want a rich man? I love that Luann starts speaking in the third person. Does Luann like to flirt? Yes. Does Luann like the younger men? Yes. Bethenny stops her because it’s crazy to sit and interview yourself.
“What do you think this is? My talk show?”
The crazier they get the more sane Ramona gets. She even used the word encroached. Bethenny tells Luann to check herself into an institution and then apologizes for calling her names. Bethenny, again, claims that she is going to bed. Dorinda and Luann sit together. Luann calls the night a sh*t show and wishes she never came. Pretty much what every host wants to hear.