As a famous non convicted sex offender once sang, after the party it’s the after party, yes a little R Kells to kick it off because the crew has rolled right from Asa Kaftan (Sponsored by Subway) to Shervin’s house, I call it Shervin’s house but it is technically 3/4 property of Bank of America thanks that damn yacht, helicopter, red velvet cake birthday party. It is suddenly night time, although it really felt like we were at the fashion show at 10am and everyone is in different clothing, and no one is eating left over Subway, I tend to suspect this wasn’t really after Asa’s fashion show but what the heck, I love an opportunity to type lyrics from Ignition (Remix). MJ is regaling us with stories of things that Tommy did that were actually really annoying, as you may have remembered last week Tommy left MJ because she is starting to act a lot like Vida, booking three month long cruises, cheating in BINGO, oh no it was neither of those Vida qualities, it was actually just being mean and controlling, THOSE Vida qualities. MJ is clearly over it because she is wearing a camisole and complaining about his awful pillow habits, translation she is nowhere near over this. GG and her new sidekick Nima roll in and MJ asks GG for a hug in true GG fashion she says I’m not giving you a hug, I just saw you. You know what GG I respect that, I’m on a strict 6 times a year hugging policy with close family and friends, there is no need to be excessively hugging.
The crew gathers together on Shervin’s patio to discuss the fashion show. Reza feels badly that he missed so much of Asa’s show keep Mike calm from his massive Jessica fight and break down that was really causing delays for the gentleman working the valet line. I think what Reza means he feels badly he missed a photo opportunity with Latoya Jackson, come on that could have AT LEAST made the back issue of US Weekly, ya know where a panel of radio DJs make fun of outfits? Nevertheless Rez is worried about the make up of the group, and especially worried about Mike and his crumbling marriage. He insists they need a chance to really connect as a group and it has to be a real trip, not camping, to which GG is a little LEAVE CAMPING ALONE!!!!! I love that GG is passionate about like three things, knives, Titos vodka, and camping, like if that isn’t the formula for every unsolved murder in LA County I don’t know what is. The group throws out a few ideas of places to go and Shervin says hey you know what would be fun and kind of easy, Miami! To which Reza reacts as though he has just suggested they all take a vacation to Arta’s cat house. Poor Sherv, it was a very reasonable idea, and trying to keep your pals from any type of foreign legal system was a smart idea too. Instead Nima suggests Belize, which there is zero chance GG can find on a map, but they crew agrees it sounds perfect.
As the party continues Shervin pulls MJ aside for a quick break up recap, he worries that MJ is self sabotaging herself, which with a mom like Vida you could probably self sabotage like 90% of your day. MJ agrees and explains she has just sent an email to her therapist talking about just this. I’m sure her therapist loves getting stream of conscious emails from MJ when she has had about half a bottle Titos. How do they not text? If I were her therapist I would just set up a private twitter handle that she could just tweet at all day.
Reza, table for one, yes Reza is dining along at a restaurant with a menu that looks like my sophomore year Spanish book. Well it turns out Reza is actually waiting for Jessica which we find out as he calls Mike and tells him he has planned an exclusive sit down with Jessica to try and help him, and convince Jessica to come to Belize, much to Mike’s chagrin. I’m sure this will go well for all parties involved. Jessica arrives and her first question is, is there alcohol? She tells us how that is her first question any time she arrives anywhere, which I can only assumes applies to doctors office, the DMV, job interviews. Thankfully Julia the slightly too peppy waitress arrives to take their order of Tito’s vodka, I only use her Christian name because Reza is awkwardly on a first name basis with this waitress. He is hazy on Adam’s last name but the waitress at this tapas restaurant, oh yes know her well. Anyway, Jessica tells Reza that she may never be going back to Mike and Reza says “Why????” in a way that I think should really rival the Nancy Kerrigan “Whyyyyy”, it is said with such raw emotion, only furthering that Reza is much more invested in this relationship than the one he just made legal.