Got MILF?
Welcome K-fans to the most boring episode yet of this very boring season! Even with the producers trying to introduce drama (Kanye vs. Taylor Swift) nothing could save this episode from the snoozefest that it is. Regardless, let’s get started. Miss Ellis says: “Got VODKA?”
Kim and Malika are on a private plane (Air Kardashian?) to Las Vegas. Upon arrival Kim declares she is SO tired. And she complains that she shouldn’t be doing appearances because she still has 25 pounds to lose. This will be her first appearance since giving birth to Baby Saint. People have given her grief about her selfies between babies and her focus on her body, which is usually naked. Piers Morgan wrote a whole blog about why can’t she try to be successful with her clothes on. She retorts back, why can’t he try to be successful with his clothes off? She says it’s actually really hard to be successful while naked. Then she tells reporters that she reads the kids bedtime stores, puts them to bed, and then goes out to have fun and is home before they wake up. Yeah, sure.
Between pregnancies
Yes, children, Mommy flies to Vegas, parties, and is home by breakfast.
Laura Pippen, Kourtney, and Kris are at Kylie’s. Everyone is making fun of Kourtney because she is having a pop tart. She says Kylie has no healthier snacks although there are bowls of fresh fruit all over the place.
The fruit is hiding on the counter
Kris asks Kylie about Kylie’s stalker, who is out of the psychiatric ward. But Kris says he didn’t get released, he escaped. Kris thinks it’s crazy that he can get access to Kylie whenever, who doesn’t even seem concerned. Laura suggests a Forbes-trained German shepherd dog for protection. Kylie’s response is how cool her photos would be with that kind of a dog. She is obviously not taking this seriously.
“My selfies would look so dope with a German shepherd in them”
Kris’s house – Scott and Kim are there. She tells them that Kanye will be shooting a video for his song “Famous” – Amber Rose, Rihanna, Ray J, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift, and Caitlyn Jenner and others will be in it. There will be nudity. Kris asks why Caitlyn? Kim says that Kanye is obsessed with Caitlyn.
Then she brings up the feud with Taylor Swift. Apparently at some point there was a phone call between Kanye and Taylor Swift about his song “Famous” in which he rapped: “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex. Why? I made that bitch famous.”
Whenever Kanye does a video he has videographers around 24/7. The camera crew got the whole conversation between them and it went viral and was very controversial. Supposedly Kanye cared about how she felt and she even agreed initially that he had made her famous. But then she flipped over the reaction – it took her by surprise.
Jonathon is at Kim’s house. There is an insane amount of clothes in a house-sized closet. Kim says those are just the ones that fit her now. She complains of being tired — again.
Holy closet Batman!
She talks about Fergie’s video about MILF’s. She and Fergie have been friends forever. Kim loved the song “MILF $” so Fergie asked her to be in the video. Kim is so honored, but she wishes she had a few more months to lose weight.
BFF
Jonathan says she looks great, and then asks if her butt shrinks when she loves weight. She says yes. She measured it today. Jonathan says how – with watermelons?
“Is this about the size of your ass?”
Khloe is at Kourtney’s house and Kim calls. They are all upset that Kylie is posting constantly and including her locations. The stalker will be able to better stalk her. The police told her to stop posting. The sisters want her to stop doing this – they need to terrify her to make her realize how serious a matter this is. Whenever they tell her anything she does the opposite. Khloe suggests holding her up at gunpoint. (Khloe: not too bright.)
ASS shot
Kim is at Khloe’s house and she gets a call from Kanye’s publicist. Kanye calls at the same time. Kim tells him that someone recorded him when he was upset about Taylor Swift and the audio is “out there.” He says he doesn’t care. But Kim cares what people think. She feels like her fulltime job is as his publicist. Because he speaks his mind without a filter he has a bad-boy reputation.
Back to the Big Coats
Kim goes to visit B. Akerlund, a Fashion Activist. Kim calls her an amazing stylist and creative director — she is doing the Fergie video. Kim is excited to see what her vision for Kim will be for the video. Kim’s motto – she became sexier after becoming a mom. That’s what the video is all about. (Kim being sexy?)
Lovechild between KISS and a Kardashian
Kourtney and Khloe are talking in the car going to lunch – they are planning a prank to teach Kylie a lesson because she has been too casual about her security issues.
They all have big salads for lunch. Kylie is snapchatting and letting her location be known.
Shake some of the horny goat weed enhancer on your lunch to see how your Big Salads grow.
They leave the restaurant and Kylie’s car is littered with pink balloons with her face on them. She is freaking out. Then she accuses the sisters of doing this. And she’s pissed because there are a ton of paparazzi’s and they will be releasing these photos. She calls it embarrassing.
Khloe’s house – Kourtney there. They are getting gussied up to go out for an appearance at 12:30 am. What happens if they run into Taylor Swift? They call Kim to ask her. Kim explains that the line that Kanye says in the video (“I made her more famous”) about Taylor Swift is totally true and even Taylor admitted it. Khloe hates that Kanye gets a bad rap for everything. And she asks Taylor Swift fans not to hate her.
Kim is obsessively trying to get in shape for the MILK video. She joins Kourtney and Khloe for their workout with Don. If Chrissy can do it two weeks after giving birth, Kim can do it in four months.
Look at that fleet of children’s vehicles!
Kris is over at Kourtney’s. Baby Reign makes a funny face on demand.
Kris asks Kourtney what they did to Kylie because Kylie is upset and never wants to go to lunch with the sisters again – she felt disrespected. Kris defends Kylie – who is only 18 — she’s had change her whole computer system, up her security, hire more bodyguards, and get a new phone. Kris says there was a better way for Kourtney and Khloe and Kim to show Kylie how to be serious about security.
Kim is at Khloe’s — Khloe says Kim is getting so skinny. She says she looks better than before she had kids. Kim says it’s empowering to have kids and still be a hot, sexy woman – this is what the MILF video is all about. They both agree that at first Kourtney was a “mommy-mom” but after Reign she has become a MILF
Kim is getting ready for the video shoot. Kanye is there and dictates how she should look. Chrissy is doing it with natural hair and makeup. Kanye says Kim needs to be her own brand – which is over the top. But, he doesn’t like the platinum blond hair and red lips.
For the video – Kim has blondish hair and muted lips. Fergie and Chrissy Teigen there – at the MILF spa. Kim is all about the message in the video: MILFs can do it all.
ASS MILF Shot
Kourtney’s house – Kim is there. Kourtney says she is nervous about an upcoming Cosmo interview. Kim says she just shot GQ. They asked her about Rob and Blak Chyna, the OJ movie, and how does she feel when Kanye raps about having sex with other girls. She defended Kanye about everything and says that Taylor Swift always plays the victim. Taylor got a lot of attention initially, but Kanye should not be punished after all this time. Kim has had it with people treating Kanye a certain way. He is so honest and speaks his mind, but he always has her back. She will do whatever to protect her husband.
Kris’ house – Kourtney and Kylie – Kourtney apologizes for the prank gone bad. They shouldn’t have done it when so many people where there. But she wants Kylie to take it seriously with the snapchatting – for instance, take the photo in airplane mode and post it later. Kylie says she always does it that way. She says she takes it seriously. Kourtney says Kylie is very mature for her age and she deserves credit for being cautious.
Kim is at Kris’s – Kris is flying to London for a day because Kendall has had a panic attack and anxiety. Kim talks about the Taylor Swift stuff. Kris says Kim should call Taylor and talk to her – how did this get so bad? Kris says Taylor probably just took it the wrong way.
Only Kim would have a phone cover telling her to send nudes!
Kim says she is just over it. She knows the truth, it is what it is, and there’s nothing they can do about it. Kris again advises Kim to give Taylor a call and try to make amends. Kim says she will not be taking that advice.
Next time: Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe go to Kuba! Kris is acting crazy with everyone gone and is bugging Kylie. Khloe cannot reach Lamar.
Well K-fans, what did you think? Did anyone make it through the entire episode? Does anyone care anymore? What on earth can they do to make this more exciting? Sound off in the comments below.
Meanwhile:
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