Hi, Trashies. We’re down to the final four and you know what that means! That’s right, it’s time to meet the people who are ashamed to admit they’re related to these losers! With that, let’s get right to the hometown dates, shall we?
First up, we’re going to meet Chase’s family in Highlands Ranch, CO. I guess we’re going to see the factor where robot Chase was assembled. He tells us that his parents are divorced, so she’s scared of a relationship because of that. He and JoJo start out the day sitting on the ground and talking about Chase coming from a broken family. JoJo will be meeting Chase’s dad separately because their families don’t get along. Why does Chase say “lawsuits” when he talks about how bad the divorce was? A divorce, by definition, is a lawsuit. You literally sue the other person for divorce.
At least the scenery is pretty.
After that brief chat, they go back to Chase’s house and his dad arrives. The conversation is pretty awkward. Chase praises JoJo, JoJo praises Chase, they both praise dad.
Just as animated as his son.
Why is Chase asking questions about the divorce? This does not seem like the time or the place to do that. At least Chase admits that it’s hard for him to be expressive. Hear that? That’s the entirety of Bachelor Nation saying, “well, fucking duh!” After that, Chase and his father go off to talk alone. Chase’s dad tries to praise JoJo by saying, “She’s got a head on her shoulders.” Not a good head on her shoulders, but it’s nice that he’s established that JoJo has not be decapitated. Other than that, it’s the same ol’ “What if she picks one of the other guys?” conversation.
And then we end the most awkward and pointless visit ever.
And it’s off to meet the rest of Chase’s (likely boring) family.
Chase and JoJo spice it up by making out at the dinner table.
Chase’s mom, Sandy, pulls JoJo aside to chat. JoJo immediately tells Sandy that Chase talks about her a lot. Have we seen that? I remember literally zero mention of Chase’s mom other than a brief discussion about his parents being divorced. While that’s going on, Chase is talking to his sister whose name I completely forget. I think it was Brittany. I’m calling her Brittany now. They talk about the divorce some more and I’m just sick of hearing about it. Brittany says that Chase and JoJo are the only two people can relate to the experience they’re going through.
Brittany has no idea how long this show has been on the air.
And now Chase is going to talk to his mom and he seems a little drunk. Seriously, he’s slurring his words. Sandy tells us the first thing we actually know about JoJo – she loves dogs and hates fish. Simply, Sandy just wants her son to be happy.
Chase comes dangerously close to short circuiting as a single tear falls.
At the end of the night, Chase walks JoJo out to the car and admits that he’s falling in love. You know, as most people do at this point in the season because it’s part of the script.
The next day, we’re off to Chico, CA to meet Jordan’s family (except Aaron). JoJo gets ridiculously excited by deer.
Do these not exist in Texas?
Can someone please get Jordan some larger pants?
Their day sounds kind of pathetic. Jordan is taking JoJo to his high school. I guess that makes sense. If you want to impress someone, you’d probably take them to the place where you peaked in life. We all know it’s been down hill from high school for Jordan.
Your tax dollars at work, residents of Chico.
So, yeah, class is still in session and JoJo and Jordan go visit his JV football coach as he’s teaching phys ed. Jordan then makes a joke about his coach refusing to start him in any games.
This man has a lot in common with a few NFL coaches.
After talking to some teachers and making out in the library, Jordan takes JoJo to his coach’s office (I assume that’s what it is).
And we learn that Jordan has always had terrible hair.
JoJo notices a photo of Aaron Rodgers (you know, the famous one) and Jordan just kind of brushes it off. JoJo tells us that she really wants to know what went wrong with Aaron and Jordan. When the two go to sit on the bleachers, Jordan just lets JoJo know that the subject of Aaron won’t come up. Then they talk about Jordan’s last girlfriend and how he hasn’t brought a woman home to meet his family in two years.
After that, they go to the Rodgers’ house and Jordan reminds us that Jordan’s brother – Aaron Rodgers – won’t be there. Did you know that Jordan was related to Aaron Rodgers? I thought that was just a rumor. We find out that Jordan’s mom, Darla, refers to him as the “spicy child.” That nickname makes me really uncomfortable.
Please rethink your son’s nickname, Darla.
JoJo feels so comfortable with Jordan’s family, but she notices two empty seats.
Subtle.
Luke pulls JoJo away to talk first. The first thing JoJo does is bring up Aaron. Seriously, how many times is she going to say that name? We get it, Jordan is Aaron Rodgers’ brother. I’m sure JoJo just wants to be able to be photographed with an NFL quarterback and his actress girlfriend.
And Luke can see right through this bullshit.
After that, Luke talks to Jordan and it’s just “Are you ready to be engaged?” and “I just want you to be happy.” While that’s happening, JoJo talks to Jordan’s father. It’s just a lot of nice things said about Jordan. JoJo gives good sound bite when she says of Jordan, “I know who he is to me. He is nobody’s brother.” That would be way more believable had she not brought up Aaron constantly during this visit.
When Jordan talks to his mom, it’s just a lot of praise for JoJo. His mom seems really sedated. It’s creepy. Did she just eat a bunch of painkillers before this conversation? Holy shit!
When Jordan and JoJo sit outside by themselves for a bit, JoJo explains that she’s afraid that Jordan won’t wan this forever. She then interviews that she wants to tell Jordan she loves him too, but she remembers how badly it hurt when Ben told her the same thing before choosing someone else. We got 33:01 into this episode before JoJo mentioned Ben. That’s gotta be a record.
Ugh, gross. We have to go hang out with Robby in St. Augustine, FL. He says that he’s excited to see his girlfriend. Is he referring to JoJo or the girlfriend he dumped to come on the show?
Or a literally Barbie Doll to his Ken.
When JoJo arrives, Robby tells her he can’t whistle and asks her to. It’s the most obviously dubbed in noise I’ve ever heard on any show. However, it still brings in the horse drawn carriage.
Just pointing out the way Robby crosses his legs.
Anyway, JoJo wants to hear more about Robby’s relationship. She’s still concerned that it only ended in December. Once again, she got dumped by Ben in November. It just seems like she’s being a little hypocritical.
After that conversation gets waved away, it’s time to meet Robby’s family. Robby talks to his brothers first and they all love JoJo. During that boredom, JoJo is talking to Robby’s mom. It’s all about how Robby wears his emotions on his sleeve. Of course this conversation comes back to Robby’s ex. All Jordan talks about is relationships. Eh, it just ends simply when Robby’s mom says, “Well, you can get hurt in anything you do” and JoJo admits she’s falling in love with Robby.
And now for some drama! Robby’s mom comes to him with some news that his ex’s roommate has made it look like Robby ended the relationship to go on the show. Robby tells us how upset and pissed off he is to hear that.
But his facial expression is the same as when he told us how excited he was to see JoJo.
Robby interrupts JoJo’s time with his sisters to talk about the whole situation. JoJo wants to know how the roommate would even benefit from this if it’s not true. JoJo is understandably upset and she demands to know the truth about the situation. Robby just says that his relationship with Hope (his ex) was over nine months before it actually ended. He thought changes would be made and they weren’t. Instead, they had a blow up and she slapped him. This discussion doesn’t last long and soon the two are making out.
Last up, it’s Luke’s hometown date in Burnet, TX. He just keeps telling JoJo that things are a surprise whenever she asks what they’re doing for the day. They drive out to the middle of nowhere and meet…
Literally everyone Luke knows.
A surprise like this would be my personal hell. My boyfriend has a really large family and I met them all over Christmas. However, I didn’t go into it think I’d just be meeting his dad and a few of his buddies. I knew that there would be a big crowd there and I could prepare myself for it. This is kind of a dick move for Luke to pull. I guess JoJo doesn’t feel the same as we just see a montage of her socializing with everyone.
Luke’s mom heaps on the JoJo praise. Everyone really loves her, it seems. Luke’s dad pretty much just echos those sentiments and gives general relationship advice about following your heart.
Now we know where Luke gets his (lack of) personality.
After dinner, JoJo and Luke head out because he has one more surprise. It’s nothing big. It’s just a couch made out of hay bales. JoJo tells us that she’s concerned because Luke is the only one who hasn’t told her that he’s in love with her. As if on cue, Luke tells JoJo that he wants a future with her and then they’re making out. I guess that’s close enough. JoJo even starts tearing up when she thinks about leaving Luke.
Oh, of course there is one more surprise. It’s just a trail to a heart made out of flower petals and Luke says that his heart belongs to her.
Lamest surprise ever.
The men arrive at an airport hanger for the rose ceremony. JoJo is tearful as she arrives and tells us that she thinks she needs to say goodbye to Luke. Anyway, it’s time to give out the roses. The men continuing on are…
…oh, never mind. Luke interrupts to talk to JoJo for a moment. He just wants to tell her that he loves her. After the conversation, Luke walks in by himself and JoJo breaks down crying and wondering if she’s going to make a mistake.
And this is where it ends.
So, there it is, Trashies. We’ve gone through hometowns. What do you think? We all know that Jordan is getting a rose (duh), but do you think Luke has been spared by his last minute “I love you”? Who do you think will go home at the beginning of next week’s episode. Sound off in the comments below and, as always, check out RonnieK with Stefanie Wilder Taylor on the Rose Pricks podcast.
Until next week, Trashies!
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