Well, not content with simply being the most boring thing on television anymore, The Masters golf tournament or whatever it is ran late, forcing CBS programming to have a 40 minute delay. So while I SHOULD have been finding out who won the HOH game, I’m watching something about global warming on 60 Minutes. Fun.
Why is this happeniiiiiiiing
CUT TO: 40 minutes later.
Welcome back to the ever-so-slowly picking up speed Biiiiiiiiiig Brother! When we left the house last week; Frank was unable to smooth talk his way out of an eviction, we (we being AMERICA, y’all) had the chance to send one houseguest a “care package” of never having to eat slop, Paul was getting on my LAST nerve (oh yeah, and I guess he found the secret room with the roundtrip ticket for one houseguest, but mostly he was just being annoying), and the houseguests were practicing underhand ball tosses to see who would be the new HOH. Just for the sake of mixing it up, I hope Bridgette wins this thing, but every time I harbor hope in my heart with this show it’s crushed – so I’m not hoping too hard. Here we go!
So, the Head of Household game that the houseguests were practicing last week involves rolling a ball, kind of skeeball style, down a curved ramp to get the highest score possible (21), or a perfect score by getting it in a tiny red box. They can practice as many times as they want to with a yellow ball, but get just one shot to make their score count with a red ball. Top score is HOH, lowest 4 are have-nots, consigned to slop and bumper car beds.
Everyone wants to win this thing for themselves; some (Mama Day) because they feel like they can’t trust anyone, and some (Bridgette) because the whole house is against them and life is very scary at this particular moment. The only player who outright says he doesn’t want to win is Paulie. He throws the contest – literally and figuratively – by just kind of tossing his ball off the side, becoming the frontrunner by default, since he’s the first to actually throw the red ball.
“Being HOH twice is enough. For now. Hey, have you seen the rest of my hair?”
Paul runs us through how like, this may LOOK easy, but it’s NOT because if you throw it too hard one thing happens, and if you throw it too soft another thing happens, and if you don’t constantly shake your head like you’re having a seizure no one can hear you talking (at least, I assume that’s why he does that head thing). Does he toss a friendship reference in there? OH YEAH.
He said the game is not friendship, if you were wondering. Ugh.
Michelle also lets us know the game is hard. I’m shocked! Why would a HOH competition be difficult? You guys are blowing my mind right now. Nicole’s strategy is to be consistent with her throws, but she’s doing the opposite. Then she decides that a better strategy is to have luck and confidence, so she decides she’ll just feel lucky and confident!
“I’ve got this!”
James coaches Natalie’s tosses by repeatedly advising “A little left. Now that’s too far left. A little left.” Okay, he has a few more actual technique tips, but Natalie mostly just tosses it while kicking her legs, and at one point the ball actually rolls backward. Nonetheless, having James’ support makes her feel really special, so surely that’s more valuable than winning HOH. Or $500,000.
The next person to actually go for it with the red ball is Victor, who gets a score of 14 – putting him in the lead. Paul decides to go for it next, and gives it a…oh man. He gives it a hell of a friendship push. He is killing me. But I guess maybe the power of friendship gave him a tangible reward, because his roll takes the ball all the way to the end and the 21 spot.
Friendship ball
Paul struts around saying “Boom!” approximately a million times, and I’m just praying that somehow someone gets a perfect shot, which is the only way to beat him now. Bridgette goes for it and gets a 10, so there’s one dream crushed (told you). At this point we learn that Paulie promised Frank that he’d take care of Bridgette (because she’s an orphan now), and Frank told Bridgette to work with Paulie too.
Michelle rolls next and gets a PERFECT SHOT! But it was just with the practice ball so it doesn’t count. Better luck next time (but not really, I’m still mad at you too, Michelle). Next Natalie gets THREE perfect shots in a row with practice balls, but then, surprise, when she uses the red ball she gets a two. This causes a kayaking squirrel to snicker and me to start getting really nervous that no one’s beating Paul.
The squirrels are kind of my favorite part.
Corey goes next and is sooooo close to getting a perfect shot, then it just flies off the edge and gets him a score of zero. Nicole and Day are among the last few left, and neither one trusts the other so it’s like a real face off situation (although I wish it was a Face/Off situation if you know what I mean. This show could use some Nic Cage). Anyway, Nicole gets a 19 so she’s definitely safe from being a have-not.