E! Online – The Most Right-Swiped Olympic Sports on Tinder During the 2016 Rio Games Might Surprise You
Ladies who know how to whack around small balls, and handle big sticks, and dudes that can lift you up and throw you down on a mat are the hottest people in the Olympic village. If the parallel bars are a rocking, don’t come a knockin (the judges give that a difficulty score of “10”)
Perez Hilton – Luann De Lesseps Clears Up Her Wedding Guest List Drama: “I’m Still Working On My Invites”
Looks like most of the RHONY ladies won’t have to worry about springing for that margarita machine on Luann’s Bed, Bath and Beyond wedding registry. Can you blame a gal for not wanting her wedding guests to toast the happy couple, and suggest that Luann get regular STD checks because of her fiance’s dirty, wandering peen? I mean, cousin Agatha is embarrassing enough what with her ridiculous hats, and doing a drunken “worm” on the dance floor. Save the drama for Andy Cohen (he lives for that shit. Seriously. He will die without it).
Celebitchy – Rio police Say They’ve “Found No Evidence” That Ryan Lochte Was Mugged
Jeah right, Rio. Whatever. I think we all know that this is the IOC and Rio’s hilariously transparent attempt to try and cover shit up. I love that Ryan Lochte is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Never mind that Rio is in the midst of political unrest, wild animals are storming the golf courses, people have been getting robbed left and right (which is a regular occurrence in Rio btw), and Japanese pole vaulters are breaking their penii – Ryan Lochte must be lying. It doesn’t matter that there a pet rocks with more brain power than Lochte, and he can’t even decide between a bag of Cool Ranch or Nacho Doritos…he is a lying mastermind who is trying to do what exactly? Make the Rio Olympics look bad? Uh, Rio and the IOC have got that covered.
Starcasm – The Game Claims He’s Slept With 3 Kardashians
The family that whores for E! together, well I think we know what else they do together. Let’s just say, most of us are lucky enough to not have attended a family reunion where you compare sexual positions, and discuss whether or not The Game is a generous lover over potato salad.
Pajiba – Jared Leto Was Tricked Into Doing Suicide Squad
Somebody call the wahmbulance, because Hot Topic’s August Pin-Up is crying dark emo tears about Suicide Squad’s shit performance. Apparently, Leto thought he was making some great art film, and instead he ended up in a bloated studio mess. That’s weird, because when I think of comic book films, my first thought is, which indie film festival will this tiny budget film premiere? Just admit that you’re butt hurt that your pretentious method nonsense and awful acting got your role cut, Jared. Go consult with a Ouija board, and see what the spirits have to say about your career choices. Emo bitch.