by eyediosmio
So here we are, four episodes into a show about the most uncomfortable situation you can imagine yourself in. Well at least for one couple. At this point. But I predict the eventual unravelling for all three relationships. Honestly, at this point the show resembles a blind date you can’t escape from. It’s nightmare sauce.
This week our couples are a few days into their honeymoon and two of the couples are doing great. Let’s begin our recap with the happiest of the three, Lilian and Tom.
Lilian and Tom knocked boots on the second night of their honeymoon and they are super happy and into each other. I don’t get it, but they seem to really dig each other. They keep talking about how alike they are and I’m like sure! A Hispanic realtor and a white dude who lives in a van down by the river – TWINSIES!
Honey – I’m home!
These two are in LOOOOOVE, or post-coital bliss. Tomato, tomahto. Anyway, there’s lots of interviews with the two of them talking about how much they have in common, how they get along, how they can see this really going somewhere. They go out to dinner, and the producers arrange for some actors at a table next to them to get engaged. Lilian interviews that she and Tom will never have that engagement, and that kind of makes her a little sad. She and Tom get into a discussion about who will make it in this marriage game, them or the actors being paid to pretend to eat next to them. Of course, Lilian thinks that because they have a team of people who worked to place them together – they’ll be together forever! Wow. Someone is really drinking the kool-aid. Poor Lilian. She’s in for a big disappointment if once she finds out her husband is a van dweller. (okay, bus – but still.)
The look of love
Tom interviews that he’s stressed about telling Lilian about said van, because that hasn’t worked out so well for his other relationships. Wonder why? Because you live in South Florida with crappy A/C unit duct taped to your stupid bus? I can’t with this guy. He’s really pious about the van thing, too.
I knew a guy who lived in a converted bus. But he was a pot dealing idiot. Tom may not deal pot, but he’s not the enlightened creative he’s pretending to be. You only live in a bus if you are out of options. He’s only creative with the bullshit reasons why he’s in the position he’s in. I’m just sayin’.
So, he tries to explain to Lilian that he’s a simple guy, and he doesn’t need a brand new nice car in order to be happy. Whoa, there buddy. Just a second. Lilian gets her back up because she says that Tom KNOWS she drives a brand new car, and she’s not shallow like he’s insinuating. Tom can’t believe she’s offended because OBVIOUSLY he’s not talking about her. Obviously. Because she knows you so well. There’s some backpedaling on his part, and because he boffed this so beautifully, he never tells her about the bus. Oh I really hope he doesn’t, and he just brings her to the bus. I’d love to see her reaction.
Our new home has a gorgeous view of the River, and the trailer park rec center! Win Win, baby!
Nik and Sonja
Nik and Sonja are kind of sweet, but I think Sonja is kind of insecure. We open up this episode with the two of them faking sleeping in bed that so pathetic you can see Sonja trying not to laugh. Plus, when Nik gets out of bed he’s fully clothed. They’re not even trying and I love it. Nik sweetly sets up an ironing board as an impromptu breakfast table and they giggle and eat their pastries while Nik tries to say “butter “ in Spanish. Then, they go horseback riding to a waterfall, and when he takes his shirt off Sonja has a heart attack. There’s some handholding and cuddling but no real heat to these two. They go paddleboarding and Sonja surfs the waves in while Nik faceplants into the ocean repeatedly. Heh. What I do like about him is he’s really gracious about how much better she was at paddleboarding then him. Some guys would be jerks.
These two cuddle into bed and start the “pillow talk” exercises that the producers/experts have texted them. Basically just asking questions, and working on communicating. Nik says he’s glad they’re taking things slow and he doesn’t want to rush it. Sonja immediately starts blaming herself and asking Nik if she’s pressuring him, and wow. It escalates so quickly. Nik is saying he’s just talking and Sonja refuses to believe that’s the case and insists he said it for a reason and it has to be her fault so why would he saaaay that? Then she gets really quiet and says to forget it, and Nik correctly sees that something else is bothering her. She won’t tell him. She starts crying. Nik is stunned, and leaves her alone for a little bit while she seethes/cries/goes crazy. Wow. She’s a sensitive one. Nik comes back and tells her to just let him know when she wants to talk.