Hi, Trashies! It’s that time of year again. We’ve got a new crop of stars (kind of) who will be dancing with our favorite pros (who are probably the bigger stars at this point). Shall we get to the judging? I think we shall!
Ryan Locthe dancing with Cheryl Burke
My God, is this guy insufferable. I guess a spot on Dancing with the Stars is sort of a consolation for losing just about every sponsor he ever had.
Amber Rose dancing with Maksim Chmerkovskiy
I make no secret that I kind of love Amber. She and Maks are either going to be an awesome team or tear each other apart. Either way, it will be fun to watch. Also, YAY! MAKS IS BACK! He and Peta are going to have the world’s most beautiful baby, aren’t they?
Terra Jolé dancing with Sasha Farber
So, Terra is on the show Little Women. I have literally never heard of that show before. It will be kind of nice for Sasha to be the taller one in a pairing. I’m sure he appreciates that.
Vanilla Ice dancing with Witney Carson
We get to check out the hook while his DJ revolves it! So, fun story. I actually own two copies of Vanilla Ice’s book Ice By Ice. I found it on Amazon for $.01, so I bought it. A few months later, a good friend of mine got me another copy for my birthday. I think this officially makes the biggest Vanilla ice fan in the world.
Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds and Allison Hoker
I remember listening to his music in the 90s, but for the life of me, I can’t remember a single one of his songs.
Jake T. Austin dancing with Jenna Johnson
I guess he’s on the show The Fosters. In other words, he’s already on ABC’s payroll, so they threw him on the show and called him a star.
Laurie Hernandez dancing with Val Chmerkovskiy
Yeah, so the Olympics just ended. That means this show gets as many Olympians as they can. This happens every few years.
Maureen McCormick dancing with Artem Chigvintsev
Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! OK, that’s out of my system. The part of our nostalgia contestant will be played by Maureen McCormick this season.
Marilu Henner dancing with Derek Hough
And here we have our second nostalgia contestant. Marilu knew Andy Kaufman, so I immediately like her more than Maureen.
Calvin Johnson dancing with Lindsay Arnold
Calvin used to play for the Detroit Lions. I follow very few sports ball teams, so I can only tell you as much as Google tells me.
Jana Kramer dancing with Gleb Savchenko
Jana was on One Tree Hill. Google also tells me that she’s had three very short marriages. OK, then.
Rick Perry and Emma Slater
I don’t want to bring politics into this, but I’m just wondering how many “oops!” moments he’ll have while on this show. I guess someone has to go home first.
Yeah, I guess I’m rooting for Vanilla Ice. What does it say about a show when he and Marcia Brady are the biggest “stars” they could get? Anyway, the show starts on 12 September 2016! See you then, Trashies!
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