Hey guys! I’m so sorry I missed episode 1. Let me fill you in. There were 10 kids…now there are 7. Alright, so I watched Food Network Star for the first time this last season. My final thought was- this person gets a show?!?!?! I was a little scared to be honest. So, when I was asked to do the kids version, I, of course, thought they were kidding. Nope! It’s real…don’t worry, they get to be on the web or something and have a guest spot on some other show. We can collectively inhale and take a sigh of relief.
Alright, I’m already pissed at Cox Cable because they deleted my ENTIRE DVR, so I had to watch this live. Don’t worry…they gave me like $12.50 for deleting 25 shows and making me re-record every show I watch!…don’t get me started. I am beyond angry, so I apologize if I’m not super specific… let’s get into it…
So, there were 10, now there are 7. They actually kicked off a couple of my faves. Oh well…moving on. There are two hosts. The guy is super annoying and I guess he’s from Ireland? Never seen or heard of him, but he bugs the shiz out of me already. Never knew how much I missed the other one. Yes, that’s a Sister Sister reference. I THINK it’s Tia…whatever.
WE HATE YOUR STUPID FACES!
There is NO ONE I hate more than a Disney kid! Unless, of course, you grow up to be Justin Timberlake. I am soooo expecting a bunch of annoying child actors. I can’t do this today! Not with all my cable problems!! Wait…hold the phone. They’re kinda cute and super sweet?! There goes my recap!!
So they have to “test their creativity” by making brunch. They all cheer, and I’m thinking- what kid likes brunch? Amber reads my mind and says she never eats brunch. Uh…duh. What is it? Mother’s Day?
So, here’s the kicker…they have to use fresh squeezed orange juice! I’m like, perfect! Give me a little champagne…who wants a mimosa!?
Okay guys…we live in a world where EVERYONE gets a participation trophy. Not here buddy! I got all mine because I was awesome. Any who…I already have my faves. Sorry! I’m sure they’ll change…
My girl Lexi is making muffins and starts her new catchphrase with, “Boom! I love orange!”
LITTLE HELP HERE!!
They have 45 minutes to cook and my little Italian Woody Allen is freaking out…his name is Salvatore…and I’m in love.
Everyone is struggling, and one of the tiniest kids (Sammy with the good hair) has the biggest steak you’ve ever seen! Amber, who acts 25, is cooking salmon or something. Tyra is doing bacon and grits, blah blah.
OMG, so my boy Sal is panicking about his TIME! He’s losing his mind.
Guess what! The annoying judges add a second dish and it has to be served inside the orange. Everyone wants to tap out.
Okay, Liam is super annoying! He wears a stupid hat barely on his head and makes some random dish called shit stew. I apologize, but that’s what it sounded like.
So, Isaiah is having major probs with his potatoes. Whatever. Then what’s his name pours an S load of Cumin allllll over his shizz stew! He’s doomed.
Oh God, then Sammy with the good hair breaks his eggs…hence not really a BRUNCH! He’s fine. He say’s he’ll scratch that and everything else is “boss.” Who are you? Are you an alien from the 70’s? Weird.
They have some guest mentor that I’ve never heard of. I guess she was on “My Cupcake Addiction.” That sounds like a legit show.
They are supposed to act as if they are on a morning show.
First up: Sammy- He never thought in 1000 years to marinade steak with orange juice. I think everyone at my college did that, but whatever. Tia didn’t think it was “brunch.”
My girl Lexi- She baked muffins. Tia couldn’t taste the orange. She said she put juice and zest on…whatever B!
Amber- She’s a robot and she made salmon and goat cheese again…so they don’t care.
Isaiah- When he’s not cooking, he likes to cook! Great tag line! He puts too much cinnamon on and he cries. I’m not gonna lie…I got a little teary! As snarky as I am..I have a warm heart.
Tyra- never stops moving…forgettable
Liam….I hate his hat
Sal- Are they filming?! I love this kid
So, Lexi and Isaiah are safe.
Sal, Sammy and Amber are on the chopping block. If Sal goes home, I’m never watching again. I’m head over heels for this kid!
Well…too bad…Sammy with the good hair goes home.
I’m happy my faves didn’t go, but, still pissed at Cox Cable. My next recap will be better…I promise!