People – The Song That Never Ends Might Finally Be Over
Nick Gordon, the late Bobbi Kristina Brown’s… whatever, was found civilly liable in Bobbi’s death just over a year after it happened. Failing to appear in court for the second time (god damn, not even Cher could get out of this one), Nick was deemed by the judge to “admit anything by omission.” So now he owes Bobbi’s estate $50 million, and everything is still terrible.
TMZ – RIP Hatchet-Face
Kim McGuire, who played the super fug one in Cry-Baby, passed away on Wednesday at the age of 60 after a bout of pneumonia. RIP, mama. I don’t remember much of your movie because my mom outlawed it from the house after one Thanksgiving when the grownups got drunk and planted it in the VCR so we’d stay out of their hair then tumbled back upstairs to watch all us insulated Catholic kids gawking at a scene of teenagers making out on a lawn in the rain. But anyway, yeah, sorry u died. 
Just Jared – I Love the 90s!
1998’s hottest Barely Legal, Sarah Michelle Gellar, has made it to the top, baby, and now hosts her very own Facebook Live talk show. We’re talkin’ big league, folks! Earlier this week, the Ellen Degeneres of Facebook Live – as she is most definitely now known – had her husband Hack E. Sack on as a surprise guest. He talked about their first date. Basically they drove around in a vintage low rider listening to Barenaked Ladies and LFO and went to see one of the Scream movies and then drank some Zima and made out on SMG’s inflatable couch. It was cherry. Or, I dunno, it probably went something like that. I didn’t watch the video.
E! – Because it’s Friday
Lo, let us observe the passage of time. The relentless march of the universe expanding, the mundane allegiance of mother earth to father sky. See as the earth dances round the sun, and the moon, in turn, pirouettes gaily nearby. Flowers sprout up, craning towards the heavens; a babe squirms and squalls towards his mother’s proffered breast. And at some glassy surface, in some dark and perfumed manse, someone takes a nude selfie.
It is her. It is Kim Kardashian.
Mirror – Oh Look, the Future of Our Civilization
We’re so proud of you, girls.
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