Previously on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Brandi and Yoyce rubbed bones and tried to put all past beefs aside forever. And future beefs, and future breads, and any future solids at all. Careful girls, don’t spark a fire.Also, Carlton tried to convince us yet again that she has a working vagina by licking a sad pole covered in countless ghosts of dried up housewife twats trying to prove that they worked.Circle of LifelessAlso, Kyle showed another waxer her chacha. Basically, there was vagina all over the place. The audience is slipping this year, and that’s the only thing slippery left having to do with these women. Sad old dilapidated out of order meat sack horns.We open at Carl’s. Her friend Tara is over. Carlton hasn’t had one episode yet that wasn’t trying to prove something about her sexuality, so my guess is Tara is an old friend from the pole and they will be making out awkwardly later. Kiss on the lips. Ugh.AC is the next friend through the door with a seductive lip kiss. AC. The only thing able to actually get turned on in this house.Do us all a favor and get the house as chilly as your friend’s used up womanhood. Summer sucks out here.More hos follow. It’s a pole party! No, not a pool party. A pole party. Today are auditions. Lots of people will be at the party, so this isn’t just an audition for a catering gig. It’s auditions for controlling old homely dudes with money. Basically, it’s Carl’s way of giving back. AW!This scene turns into three leathery hags watching 15 year olds prance around in bikinis. Parents, make sure your kids stay in school. Also, a few hundred extra calories a day couldn’t hurt. At least they won’t get stuck naked in front of the “Dark Crystal” cast.Enjoy your youth, because it’s about to be served for dinner.Has anyone checked these faces against missing person’s reports? Cuz I have a feeling this won’t end well. You know they’re gonna be put into a blender and consumed. Carlton explains that this is a celebration of women. I am not sure about that, but anyone who calls today’s youth untalented isn’t paying attention. These girls can dance. On a pole, but still.Brandi is hanging out with her old living dog and her new dog from the shelter who pees on beds. You guys, there are a reason dogs are in shelters. Cuz they pissed someone off. WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED? I’m not saying you shouldn’t save dogs. I’m just saying….yeah I’m saying don’t save dogs. Or at least don’t be shocked that they’re broken in some deep way. It’s your payment for that feeling of superiority you have when you look down on thousand dollar Frenchies.Lisa comes over and Brandi immediately bitches about the dog. You wanna talk about droppings in bed with Lisa? Really? She’s got decades of Ken stories for you. Brace yourself.Brandi is going to Sacramento for her book […]
Previously on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Brandi and Yoyce rubbed bones and tried to put all past beefs aside forever. And future beefs, and future breads, and any future solids at all. Careful girls, don’t spark a fire.Also, Carlton tried to convince us yet again that she has a working vagina by licking a sad pole covered in countless ghosts of dried up housewife twats trying to prove that they worked.Circle of LifelessAlso, Kyle showed another waxer her chacha. Basically, there was vagina all over the place. The audience is slipping this year, and that’s the only thing slippery left having to do with these women. Sad old dilapidated out of order meat sack horns.We open at Carl’s. Her friend Tara is over. Carlton hasn’t had one episode yet that wasn’t trying to prove something about her sexuality, so my guess is Tara is an old friend from the pole and they will be making out awkwardly later. Kiss on the lips. Ugh.AC is the next friend through the door with a seductive lip kiss. AC. The only thing able to actually get turned on in this house.Do us all a favor and get the house as chilly as your friend’s used up womanhood. Summer sucks out here.More hos follow. It’s a pole party! No, not a pool party. A pole party. Today are auditions. Lots of people will be at the party, so this isn’t just an audition for a catering gig. It’s auditions for controlling old homely dudes with money. Basically, it’s Carl’s way of giving back. AW!This scene turns into three leathery hags watching 15 year olds prance around in bikinis. Parents, make sure your kids stay in school. Also, a few hundred extra calories a day couldn’t hurt. At least they won’t get stuck naked in front of the “Dark Crystal” cast.Enjoy your youth, because it’s about to be served for dinner.Has anyone checked these faces against missing person’s reports? Cuz I have a feeling this won’t end well. You know they’re gonna be put into a blender and consumed. Carlton explains that this is a celebration of women. I am not sure about that, but anyone who calls today’s youth untalented isn’t paying attention. These girls can dance. On a pole, but still.Brandi is hanging out with her old living dog and her new dog from the shelter who pees on beds. You guys, there are a reason dogs are in shelters. Cuz they pissed someone off. WHY ARE YOU SURPRISED? I’m not saying you shouldn’t save dogs. I’m just saying….yeah I’m saying don’t save dogs. Or at least don’t be shocked that they’re broken in some deep way. It’s your payment for that feeling of superiority you have when you look down on thousand dollar Frenchies.Lisa comes over and Brandi immediately bitches about the dog. You wanna talk about droppings in bed with Lisa? Really? She’s got decades of Ken stories for you. Brace yourself.Brandi is going to Sacramento for her book […]