Hey there, Trashies! Here we are, only at week two of Vanderpump Rules’ season 4, and things are seriously heating up. This week we meet the new girls, Lala and Brittany — wow, Bravo Casting has really outdone themselves! Let’s just jump right in, shall we?
But first — so I did check out The Vanderpump Rules After Show, and the only stand-out item was that Lisa thought James was just boinking Kristen to get on TV. Personally, I think he was into her at first, but after awhile he lost his marbles. Apparently, being used as a revenge boink isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. That being said, Lisa is way harsh on our Favorite Crazy Lady, which makes me wonder.
As we open, Lisa arrives at Sur to find her new hostess at the door. “You look lovely,” she says.
“Do I? Am I up to standard with the dress code? I usually get in trouble for it.” Get in trouble for what… dressing?
Lisa interviews that she replaced Vail with Lala, because she wants the Sur staff to be on notice that tiresome newbies are replaceable, especially when Jax takes a pass on them.
She says Lala has definitely been “embraced by the boys”. (*Snork*) We flash back to her interview two weeks ago, during which Jax comes up and introduces himself, and she says, “Nice to see you again.”
“I’m sorry, have we met?” he replies. “Yeah, like the time you texted me,” she starts.
Lisa laughs, “How quickly we forget.”
Hahaha! As Jax’s busted ass slinks away, Lala says to Lisa, “He’s not really my type.” Lisa says, “You’re definitely HIS type.” Says Lala, “Well, I’m everybody’s type” — HA, this girl is no shrinking village bicycle, is she!
Lisa says, “The other girls are gonna just LOVE Lala… or not.”
Now we meet Faith, who we hope isn’t another Boring Minority One-note Character (BMOC), but we’re not holding our breath, because she hasn’t been featured in the promos. Faith is being trained by Katie to wait tables.
Katie says Faith is doing a good job learning tables, so Lisa asks her where Table 7 is. She totally messes up, but then promises Lisa she won’t let her down.
“Okay don’t,” says Lisa.
Katie explains to us how waiting tables at Sur really IS rocket science, being that there are multiple tables, and a menu for drinks as well as dinner — but most of all, there’s Lisa to contend with, who is “the most intimidating person in the world, besides Beyoncé.”
“Fucking put a RING on it, Boo!”
Scheannannna arrives to tell Katie and BMOC Jesse — who are performing the very delicate operation of placing sweeteners into porcelain caddies — that James spent the night with her friend Jenna, the proof being an emailed receipt for an Uber to Jenna’s place at 6 in the morning (as revealed by Kristen’s expert reconnaissance). “We’re calling this the ‘Smoking Uber Gun’,” says Scheanna.
And now, she says, Kristen is texting and calling her, and basically blaming her for the whole thing. Scheanna is nauseous and sick over it.
Sur manager Diana is serving Lisa tea when Lala waltzes in to announce she has an Emergency Modeling Gig in Venice, so she’ll be out Thursday. She interviews, “I’ve been modeling since I was 12, and Sur is my first real job. So to me, to answer to someone — it kills me.”
Lisa sighs and says, “Well, okay, but I expect you to take your job seriously moving forward.”
Lala says, “Sure thing.” Then she interviews, “I take the job as seriously as it deserves. I’m seating people at tables, not performing brain surgery.”
“… and I’m THIS guy’s type, and…”
As Lala excuses herself, Lisa says to Diana, “Why aren’t I just going off to Venice?” Diana contemplates drawing up a flow chart for Lisa, but decides to just let it go.
…