It’s the top 5 and the models are officially back at the house in LA. They look at Mame’s photo displayed on the screen, and her cleavage is mysteriously blurred out, even though it wasn’t in the last episode. Her TyTyTip: Mame gives just enough in her photos, but commands when she walks into the room. She needs to command during her photoshoots as well. Mikey tells us that he is the only person in his family who graduated high school and the only male who didn’t go to prison. Those are some high standards.
Why is Mame’s cleavage suddenly so indecent?
In the last episode, after elimination, Tyra told the remaining models that they needed to become business owners, because what the hell else would they be equipped to do after modeling? (Literally anything but that.) She thinks business skills are learned by osmosis, so she has now instilled all her “business-savvy” and dubbed them her “Fierce-a-preneurs.” I’m glad she picked a different word from entrepreneurs, since that wouldn’t be in any way accurate. They need to come up with an idea to bring to market.
Yes, Fierce-a-preneur. I’ve already trademarked that term.
The next day, Kelly Cutrone meets the models downstairs and tells them that they better have their pitches ready to go, because they have given them ample resources to have it together. They now need to put together a presentation for Kelly, Tyra, and huge, hugely successful entrepreneurs. I am not a hugely successful entrepreneur, but if I was, I would definitely not want to listen to half-baked presentations put together in less than one day. The winner of the challenge will receive $2,500 as seed money for their business idea, which will get them exactly nothing, since that is negative seed funding, not enough for them to sell that shit on the street. Mame is impressed with the prize, but I am not.
Devin is as unimpressed by $2,500 as I am.
While the models work on their presentations, Mikey brings up his lover’s quarrel with Devin. He says it’s not about his relationships with the other contestants, it’s about the competition itself.
Mikey is starting a business teaching lonely socks how to swim.
Challenge time. The Fierce-a-preneur panel includes Tyra, Kelly, Alli Webb (founder of dry bar), and Marie-Pier St. Hilaire (CEO of AFI Expertise and Tyra’s best friend). She pronounces sommelier as somalier, which shows me that Mari-Pier is not a good friend as she is not correcting Tyra’s crappy French.
This is Mari-Pier’s STFU Tyra expression.
Mikey is up first. He thinks he’s got this since he has a way with “older women.” Tyra may be a hot mess, but she is still banging. He presents Tocks, a clothing brand that shows his relaxed vibe. His poster looks like my 4th grade Science Fair booth. Tyra compliments his photography skills. She is easily impressed, as she also likes his silly logo idea. He wants to make things affordable, with shirts being $20 or less. Tyra is very proud of him for being inspired by Zappos.
Mikey should have called my 13-year-old niece to help him with his poster.
Next is Devin. I can already tell his presentation is going to be a hot mess. He came up with a fragrance named Emotions. His logo is an Egyptian eye. Kelly thinks the fragrance line all smells the same. Everyone is making horrified faces, so it must smell awful. Devin is basically a cartoon character throughout his presentation. Tyra likes how quirky he is, but she thinks his idea sucks. Nyle is not surprised that Devin tanked and neither am I.
Did I do that???
Lacey is next. She is pitching a book about her life, Small Town Girl Living in the Real World. It’s hard to tell whether it’s supposed to be fictional. She says she is 18 years old, from the South, and Christian, and saving herself from marriage. Yeah, Lacey, you and the entire Dallas Cowboys cheerleading squad. Get in line. Tyra tells her that her story is not grabbing people enough. I imagine Lacey can’t write at all, if Tyra is correcting her (anyone remember Modelland?). Kelly asks her how she will distribute the book. She says at coffee shops in her home town. Wow. Who the hell wants to read that who lives in your hometown? They already lived it.
Lacey is so boring she can’t even come up with a real plot.
Next is Nyle. Nyle presents his idea, Sign That. It’s an app that teaches people how to sign. I would download that app yesterday, so I hope Nyle wins the challenge. The women seem interested in the idea, but mostly want to look at Nyle. He would sell it for $1.99. He, like any other 25-year-old model, has no clue how much money it would cost to develop the app, and the judges criticize him for it.
Shut up and take my money!
Finally, it’s Mame’s turn. She is very nervous, which is surprising since she is a pageant girl. The show edits her to look really bad. Her idea is a jewelry line called Goddess Tribe that would be made by women in Africa, with a portion of the profits going back to the women who make it. This is a very popular model of social entrepreneurship, so it would definitely work if Mame weren’t sucking as a presenter. Kelly asks her if she is done. Tyra tells her she should have done better if she is a pageant girl. Kelly says she didn’t connect with the women in the panel.
All aboard the Hot Mess Express!
Results: Mikey wins the challenge. He gets $2,500 as a prize. I’m really excited to see his clothing line soon (aka never). Mame and Devin are in the bottom, with scores of 7 and 6, respectively.
That check is definitely compensating for something.
Their photoshoot will be out in the wild, so they’re going camping. Another sign the show is broke. The theme of the photoshoot is “night creatures.” The new Mr. Jay tells the models that he used to be a biologist. I can’t imagine why he is working for this dying show now. New Mr. Jay tells the model what is clearly a fake horror story. Supposedly, the families that lived in the cabin disappeared and their body parts would be found. This is just a precursor to his announcement that they will be shooting in the dark. Did the producers think this would air on Halloween? Oops.
I’ll give you one guess as to which of these people has never been camping before.
During hair and make-up, Mikey and Mame are flirting. Mikey says that if it gets cold, they will cuddle. Blech. Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a little. They put Mikey in these Viking braids that look super silly.
Get in line, ladies. He’s mine. *barf*
Lacey is up first. The clothes are super complicated. She seems to do okay, but complains a lot. The new Mr. Jay says she didn’t move enough. Next is Devin. He looks very scared. When he asks new Mr. Jay where the photographer is, new Mr. Jay answers and Devin gets confused. He is dressed like a Charles Dickens character. New Mr. Jay wants Devin to look beautiful and majestic. Devin proceeds to fall off the stand. Very majestic.
Tonight, the role of Jacob Marley will be played by Devin.
Mikey is up. He looks like a cross-dressing Anna from the movie Frozen. He gets lots of compliments from new Mr. Jay. Nyle is next. New Mr. Jay worries that this is too difficult for Nyle. The flashes are messing up his timing, so he is struggling. He looks really bummed about the photoshoot. Mame is last. New Mr. Jay points out her low challenge score and how important it is for her to do well. She does very well. They end at 2:45 am, and I feel bad for them for the first time.
It’s okay, Nyle. When I get upset, I like to do ballet, too.
Mikey and Mame head back to the cabin, and he is already putting the moves on her. Lacey and Nyle decided to cuddle “for warmth.” Mame invites Mikey to the corner, and they 100% hook up, despite her professed love for Justin. Devin covers himself up like he’s prepping for Armageddon. As soon as the models wake up, Devin runs away. Mame says that she did it because Mikey was there, but that he is not the one. Mikey says that he doesn’t feel bad about hooking up, because Justin would do the same thing.