TMZ – Jared Fogle: Subway Diet Made Him a Sex Fiend…Expert Claims
I think we can all agree that this is the best headline EVER. I mean, what?? It must’ve been ordering all those toasty foot longs (hot) and asking for extra pickles (mmmmm…yeah, baby) that made Jared horny. Don’t even mention the double meat (oh oh OHHHHH), or he’ll beat out his own special sauce. Nice try, pedo, but the only sandwich you’ll be enjoying in prison will be the one between Bubba and Spike in jail.
Perez Hilton – Morrissey’s Debut Novel Nominated For the “Bad Sex in Fiction” Award
Heaven knows I’d be miserable now if I had sex as described by Moz. This is why people that are celibate, or have never had good sex (cough E.L. James cough) should probably stick to writing what they know, subjects like, misery, Sundays, comas and being hit by double-decker buses.
Pop Sugar – Adam Levine’s Mermaid Back Tattoo
Adam Levine is soooo hardcore, he just flipped through a coffee table book of Sailor Jerry tattoos, and decided that he was going to be super original and copy some gruff dockworker circa 1946 and get a mermaid holding a skull. HAWT. After, he got his super awesome tat, Adam went for a shopping spree at Hot Topic where he bought all the knit beanies, because this guy knows cool.
E! Online – If Charlie Sheen Was a Victim of Extortion, What Are the Chances He’ll Get Any Of That Money Back?
Victim and Charlie Sheen are two things that don’t belong together in the same sentence. Sure, he may have gotten shaken down, but…bust out the tiniest violin. Also, the excuse that these women are taking money away from his children is, well, laughable. Good luck getting your money back, Upchuck, because you’ll probably end up shelling out more to the people you exposed without their consent or knowledge. It amazes me that HE still even has money considering how much he spends on drugs and porn stars. I imagine a Scrooge McDuck style money room filled with a pool of gold coins (and used hypodermic needles).