We’re back Trashies! Let’s ride this finale train to Canceled Town! Mame’s stupid picture got best picture because Tyra is a Mame apologist. Mame talks about how this is her dream and she is here to win. Her TyTyTip: she needs to take it to the next level and let it go. I’m so glad we have this feature, overused Disney lyrics and all.
I’m sorry, I’m too distracted by that giant poster of Tyra to pay attention to this scene.
Mikey was so close to being eliminated, but then Tyra pulled the rug from under our feet. We were so close to being rid of this douchebag. Now the guys and girls have to present their life plans for one of two spots in the final runway. Nyle says he was really proud of how his mother looked in the photo. He feels that the other models think he’s only still in the competition because he is deaf.
I’m starting to feel personally victimized by Mikey’s hairstyles.
Mikey gets on Lacey’s case for being in the bottom 2 with him. Whatever, Mikey, you should have gone home. She and Nyle feel like they are competing together against Mame and Mikey. She says she’s growing more and more attracted to Nyle (difficult not to), but they have only been with each other, while Mikey has tried to hook up with every girl in the competition. She thinks Mikey and Mame are very distracted by their situation. I’m not sure what she means by “been with Nyle,” but I’m going to assume she means cuddling.
Lacey’s “Get fucked, Mikey” expression.
Since the night in the cabin, Mame has decided that she wants to be with Justin. Uh, girl, I doubt Justin is waiting around for your cheating ass. She thinks Devin is going to tell Justin about the whole thing. The next day, New Mr. Jay greets the models for their spread for Nylon magazine. If they win, this is what will be used for their prize. It won’t be scored like a challenge. The photographer, who I shit you not is called the Cobrasnake, looks like Mario on his Hawaiian vacation. Nyle feels great about breaking down barriers for deaf models.
It’s-a me, Mario! I’m-a gonna take-a your picture!
Their photoshoot features the models breaking into a school pool. Since Mikey has a lot of experience breaking and entering, he gets good feedback. Nyle struggles a little more with the motion.
Mikey reminisces on his Florida B&E days.
You can break into my pool anytime…
The guys’ second scene involves Mikey holding a red solo cup, and New MR. Jay says he’s giving them too much cockiness. Nyle’s struggle is that the photographer doesn’t understand how to work with the interpreter. Funny that they are only bringing this up now. He hasn’t obviously struggled with the interpreter in any other shoot, including the fucking music video they did a few episodes ago.
I just got really interested in the show. Can’t pinpoint why.
New Mr. Jay says that Lacey broke out of her shell, and now there’s a fire under her butt. She’s being too sleazy in her pictures. New Mr. Jay calls her a porn star, a pole dancer, and a stripper multiple times throughout the shoot. When Mame starts her pictures, she is in kind of masculine clothing and seems to pull it off. Then Lacey grabs a dog (where did it even come from?) and starts stealing Mame’s shots! I don’t know if I am shocked or impressed. Way to play the game, Miss Virginal Baby from the South! Mame just sulks.
Mame’s been spending too much time with Mikey, it seems.
Yeah, I got a dog! What are you going to do now, bitch?
The next few poses involve them pretending to play the game chicken fight, which is so weird and over the top. I hate the pictures of the guys with the female model’s crotch literally framing their heads.
Way to ruin chicken fight for me forever, ANTM.
After the photoshoot, the models hang out in the hot tub. Nyle says they’re not really sure what to do with themselves since Devin left, because the house is finally quiet. Heyo! Mikey is worried that Justin will come back for final runway and punch him in his very punchable face.
I think I figured out why Tyra likes Mame so much. (Hint: It’s in the eyes.)
The next day, the models meet New Mr. Jay at the Four Aces Motel for their ad for Zappos Couture. I still think that name is an oxymoron, but whatever. Mame feels pretty confident after winning the Zappos challenge. Since Mame won best photo, she gets another gift from Zappos Couture.
Mikey or Marcia Marcia Marcia?
Lacey is first. She is dressed like a flight attendant. Her persona is an innocent girl who finds her inner sexiness in the hotel. They criticize her over the top sexiness again. Melissa likes how Lacey emulates the time period being portrayed, while Mame has more versatility. New Mr. Jay is more impressed with Mame.
Fish or steak?
Mame looks like she wants to murder the photographer.
Nyle is a little nervous, but trying to own his self-confidence. He looks dooooope in his first look. Melissa says she has “butterflies” in her “stomach.” Me too, girl. Melissa thinks Mikey looks dangerous. I guess, if you think members of the Brady Bunch are dangerous. Mikey struggles through her first scene, so New Mr. Jay gets Melissa to stand behind the camera so Mikey can flirt with her during his shoot. Since Mikey is driven by his penis, he does better after that. Lacey says she thinks Nyle will win because everybody wants him, girls and boys. Melissa says that she is extremely impressed by all of the models.
Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
Looks like Cruella DeVil is a Zappos Couture designer.
The models get out all of the craft supplies from the Fierce-a-preneur challenge to come up with their presentations on why they should become America’s Next Top Model. Mame is trying to pander to the judges by saying she wants to be a “business mogul.” Nyle thinks getting this far is pretty revolutionary for a deaf person, since they rarely make it to this point in a competition against hearing people. Lacey pulls out her journal to come up with her presentation, which bodes not at all well for her piece. Mikey practices his and sounds like a street preacher.
Nyle’s Plan: Step 1) ?? Step 2) ?? Step 3) Profit
Because this show is trying to drag this shit out for eternity, instead of having the models do their presentation and get eliminated, they are taking us to the final runway directly. Kelly and Ms. Jay meet all of the models, including the ones that were eliminated. Justin looks pissed. The runway was designed as a curve to emulate the building’s curve, and will be accompanied by a live string quintet.
Oh shit! The runway is curved?! How are they going to walk this?
They head to hair and make-up. Mikey and Mame look guilty as hell as they greet the eliminated models. Ashley says she wanted to shoot Mikey when she first saw him. Get in line, Ashley. Hadassah asks Mame what happened, and Mame asks if Devin told people. Devin told them he didn’t know what happened exactly. Mame gets upset, saying that Devin is misconstruing what happened. Does she not know she was filmed on a reality show? Mame confronts Devin, and he says Justin had him up against a wall and confronted him. How the hell would he know, Devin, if you didn’t volunteer the information?
Can’t say I missed this clown.
Justin heads over to hug Mame and congratulates her. She says they have a lot to talk about, and that she and Mikey just cuddled. He says, “I don’t think so. That’s not what I heard.” Get her, dude! Nyle calls Justin his homeboy, and now I really wish he would teach me how to say homeboy in ASL. Justin is upset because “Mikey is a piece of shit.” He wishes she had slept with Nyle or even Devin before Mikey. He doesn’t trust her anymore.
Did Justin make himself even sexier for this conversation? Looks like it.
Mikey knows his fling with Mame is over and immediately starts making a pass at Hadassah. I just can’t with this fucking guy. Hadassah says she is rooting for Mame. Mame is now worried about losing Justin right before final runway. Way to be late, girl.
Nyle or Khal Drogo?
Mikey asks Ashley is she is “Team Mikey,” and she looks murderous. He says that all the women are mad at him, but he’s used to this at home. Of course he is. Keith Carlos, Cycle 21 winner, shows up and gives the models a pep talk. He gets them into a group hug. Dustin is rooting for his mancrush Nyle. Stefano inexplicably is rooting for Lacey, because they “have a lot in common.” Okay, Stefano. Who even are you?
Lacey and Hadassah are into Keith Carlos.
Dustin is into Nyle.
Ms. Jay coaches the eliminated models on their walks. It is 40 minutes before show time, and Tyra walks up to the mic in her underwear. She announces the final 2 will be competing for the title. Seems like that announcement was pretty obvious and unnecessary. New Mr. Jay tells the models that their moms are back (or still here to save money). Tyra walks in and gives them a pep talk. She announces they are making an elimination right before they walk out on the runway. I’m sure that won’t overload their nerves at all. There’s a glitch in the editing, though, because Tyra specifically says they will review their presentations, while Lacey’s talking head refers to being nervous about the presentation. For a show this boring, they should try to keep these things straight.
Tyra forgot to change out of her pajamas for the runway show.
Oh and did you think we would find out who the finalists are? Nope! Tyra is dragging this piece of shit show as long as humanly possible. I sure am glad we wasted all that time on the Mame vs. Justin play-by-play. My point from last week still stands. Mikey better not beat Nyle.