Well look at us. We made it. This week was Part 1 of the 2 Part Reunion Special for Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood, and it was even more wretched than I could have expected. Before this episode even started, we were treated to about a minute and a half preview of what was to come. The most alarming thing to me, was Hazel E’s newly inflated face.
I’m not sure if she’s using fillers, or if she had an allergic reaction to a bee sting, but whatever it is, it ain’t good.
After watching the preview intro, I knew I was in for an absolute garbage fest.
Let’s get started!
So, this year, the reunion is being hosted by Nina Parker.
Should I know who this is?
Anyways, before I even get into the “storylines” of this episode, I first just want to point out some of my observations.
First, Shanda may have only said about 4 words this week, but she was throwing side eye every single time the camera was on her.
I loved it.
Also, why did so many of the guys have sunglasses, that they weren’t even wearing?
At least the audience members had their sunglasses on, but that was probably because they were blinded by everything that was Brandi.
We’ll get to that later.
One last thing. Did anyone else notice how bored everyone seemed to be? These people were literally falling asleep in front of my eyes.
I was positive Ray J was gonna slide right off his couch onto the floor.
Speaking of Ray J, he and Princess Love confirmed that they are in fact engaged. In order to see the journey of how they got here, we get some clips of them discussing the drama in New Orleans, and Ray leasing, I mean buying(?), their new home.
So, the story with New Orleans was that Princess was up in the hotel room waiting for Ray to bring her some food, but instead of bringing back food, Ray decided to hit up the strip club, and ended up being there all night. When he finally made it back, there of course was an argument, and because Princess was acting like a fool a.k.a. herself, she was taken into custody. Thankfully, those charges were dropped.
Then we get to the drama between Teairra and Princess, and this VERY mysterious party at Drake’s house. Now, I can only assume they’re talking about the man who owns Drake Coffee Cake, because I cannot fathom a world where Teairra Mari is being invited to Aubrey Graham’s house to party. Ray J essentially confirmed what Princess said, which was that Teairra said she was going to get Princess out of his life, so she could hop back in it.
Then we have some strange “clapback” segment, where Moniece says it’s obvious Ray J wants nothing to do with Princess, which is why he’s been trying to keep her locked away in the house for 2 year. Then Princess comes back at Moniece, and says she has no place to talk, since she doesn’t even have a place to live. Then we get our first, and I am sure not our last, walkout of the evening, when Moniece storms off set. Then Rich comes out of nowhere trying to defend Moniece, and Fizz confirms that she does have a place to live.
#NotAmused
Then they announce some hashtag battle on Twitter, basically for who is the most garbage person out of Ray J, Max Luxx, and Soulja Boy. Not sure how we would get these results since this special was taped, like over a month ago, but sure.
Once Moniece makes it back to the couch, we’re joined by her mother, Marla.
Things between Rich and Moniece have been “rocky” for a while, but according to Rich, they’re no longer in a relationship, which was apparently news to Moniece. Marla does a pretty good job of defending her actions when it comes to her interrogating of Rich, a certified member of the Creep Squad. Then Rich decides to inform us all that he pays $3,000/week in child support.
Then, something happened that I will never be able to forget. Our lovely host Nina, decides to transition to the Moniece/Fizz/Nikki storyline, but mentioning that when Nikki found out Moniece wanted a dab of Fizz’s good lotion, she pumped that information right back to Rich.
Okay. Let me just stop, because I don’t think I have ever laughed so hard in my entire God given life. I think I laughed out loud for a solid 10 minutes at that line alone. I need that to somehow be formed into a bumper sticker, or a t-shirt line.
Anyways, Moniece fake cries about always having love for Fizz, and Nikki drops the bomb that Rich emailed Fizz, saying this could be his way out of his relationship with Moniece, which Fizz basically confirmed(?)
I’m still not 100% clear on that, but what I do know, is that Rich and Moniece are no longer a couple, but her loves her(?)
Alright. Let’s talk about it. The most fraudulent storyline to ever be presented on reality television: Miles, Milan, and Amber.
Before I even get into all this nonsense, go ahead and watch Miles’ and Milan’s separate interviews with The Breakfast Club.
First of all, Milan needs to invest in some good chapstick, because this man licks his lips more often than I take a breath.
Basically, what I was able to grasp from this conversation, in-between my massive eye rolls, was that as his best friend, Amber wished Miles had been honest with her about that fact that he was gay. Miles pretends to cry, and there is some discussion about the difficulties of being a minority and being a homosexual.
Then Amber hits 100 when she starts talking about her daughter, and how her baby’s father was murdered, and I was afraid for everyone in the room.
Max and Brandi are up next, but they’re basically good now. The funniest line was when Princess said Ray J was a bad influence. The same man she is engaged to be married to.
Then, I guess they thought we cared about Kamiah, because she was back after visiting with Nas’ wig maker, and basically admits that there wasn’t a relationship between she and Fizz, but she just felt a way about being called an appetizer.
When Nikki is asked about the status of she and Fizz’s relationship, we find out that she hasn’t been emotionally available, because her bother died recently, and she’s been dealing with a lot. When she walks off to collect herself, we get a more full view of Brandi’s wardrobe.
I don’t even have a comment.
Finally, we get to Fizz, Moniece, and Moniece’s lack of parenting. I think Moniece said about 3.5 words, before Amber, Brandi, and Shanda started going off about how your child should alway come first. Moniece promptly told them to shut up, and of course everyone jumped out of their seats, and then we were hit with the credits.
Next week it looks like there are 2 major fights, and Soulja boy throws around his money.
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