Hey there trash bags! Love you guys. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I am thankful to all 7 of you who read these things. You guys are the BEST! We made it to the mid-season finale. I was pretty optimistic about this episode and it started out great, with everyone running around killing zombies. Unfortunately, after 2.5 seconds of this, they all went inside their houses to be boring. Also, NO DARYL! So, I was a little bit disappointed but I thought it was still decent. For the last time in 2015, let’s make fun of it together, shall we?
We open with my homie Sam, just spending a nice day relaxing. He is coloring a horrific picture of himself tied to a tree, getting attacked by zombies (like in the story Aunt Carol told him).
I love how even in the drawing his hair is terrible. At least the dude is self-aware.
Oh, and also he is listening to the creepiest song ever on his record player, Tiptoe through the Tulips. AS YOU DO.
THIS guy sings this song. I’m serious.
Anyway, as he works on his shitty drawing, the camera pans to show us a colony of ants climbing in through the window to eat the rest of Sam’s cookie. Like, really dude? Clean your room. Shit’s nasty. It’s a blatant metaphor for the zombies getting inside the community.
It’s a metaphor for “We think the audience are dumbasses”
Out in the common area, the Leaning Tower of Contrivance has just fallen, letting in the horde. Rick helpfully yells at everyone to “Get back!”. Honestly, I just don’t know what they would do without his guidance.
Carol and Morgan are running for some reason, even though at the end of the last episode she was right outside his door. Carol trips, and some bullets fall out of her pocket (Morgan notices this). Rick is fucking zombs up left and right, as he does. Deanna runs out to “help” him, and she falls onto a saw and cuts her leg. Maggie and her embryo narrowly escape getting eaten by zombies, and she makes it onto the top of the sniper tower. Unfortunately for her, the ladder has fallen so she is stuck up there. Tara, Rosita, and Eugene make it safely into a garage. Eugene tells Daryl to “Help” over the CB. Jessie helps Rick, Deanna, Michonne, Carl, Ron and Father Gabe to get safely inside her house. Lil’ Shane is already inside with weirdo Sam. From this point on, this episode is pretty boring.
Maybe if we are super lame, the zombies will just go away
Outside the walls, Glenn is trying to convince Enid to go inside with him to help the others. Of course she is being all emo and shit because she sucks. Glenn plays the pregnant wife card and calls her out for being scared. She seems to relent, but no one cares anyway.
If you come with me, I’ll get you a Jack Skellington poster
At Jessie’s house, Sam is STILL listening to that weird song. It’s a record. Dude must keep replaying it. He’s such a freak. Seriously though, watch this video. Please? For me. You’re welcome.
Jessie tells Sam to turn the music off and shut the blinds. Behind her, Sam sees Rick carry in a bloodied Deanna. Sam seems to be in shock. Jessie tells him to just pretend he isn’t afraid.
Just pretend you’re not a bitch with a bowl cut
At Morgan’s house (I think), Carol tells Morgan that she doesn’t trust him. HAHAHA! She is the best! She tries to go and see who Morgan has locked up, but he stops her. He tells her that she probably has a concussion and that whatever they need to settle can wait. Okay, how did Carol get a concussion? That one tiny fall? Did I miss something? Anyway, Denise is IN THE ROOM with the Wolf dude. She is telling him that he can change. C’mon Denise, what the fuck?! This is just stupid. Plus, you are a shitty doctor and probably an even shitter psychiatrist. You think you’re gonna talk some sense into a dude that clearly has not brushed his teeth EVER. Like, that’s not It’s an apocalypse and I have no toothbrush gingivitis, that is some never brushed my teeth in my life type shit. Sigh.
Michonne is patching up Deanna when she notices that Deanna has been bitten. Deanna just says “Well……shit”. It was pretty funny. That was the first time I’ve found her likable. Oh well. Someone had to die in the midseason finale, and it wasn’t gonna be a main character. For whatever reason, they decide not to stab her in the face. Instead, Michonne has a deep convo with her. Michonne says that she thinks Deanna’s hastily rendered blueprints for Alexandria were good, and that all of that is still possible. Deanna tells Michonne to figure out what she wants and go get it. This scene was actually kind of sweet, but I still think Michonne should chop her head off immediately.