Last week, Porsha and Phaedra cleaned out the land that time forgot, but Kordell remembers fondly. Cynthia told Peter that she’s ready to dump him and his hobo stick behind Sheree’s house. Kenya launched her hair care line and buried the hot comb with Sheree.
Kenya is at her new house and decides to pay Sheree a visit. Those neighbor complaints must have been real because Sheree is sweeping out front like she has 60 hours of community service. Kenya ambushes Sheree and tries to run into the house but it was locked. I imagine the inside is just one large helipad with a bound and gagged party planner in the center who told her it couldn’t be done. Kenya then runs to the back door with Sheree in tow but that’s locked too. Kenya settles for inviting Sheree to Cynthia’s “bachelorette” party because every married woman in crisis needs to relive her last night of financial freedom. Sheree and Kenya then compare notes on what they don’t have yet: kitchens, self-awareness, steady employment. They bet that their houses will be done by Christmas and the one who finishes last will have to clean the other’s house. That’ll be easy since neither one will have furniture.
Porsha needs lingerie for a sexy Skype session with Duke. Phaedra accompanies her even though she thinks to herself that Porsha is giving him more than he deserves. If I conceived my first kid on a project air mattress, I’d probably keep my thoughts to myself too.
Cynthia visits Kandi’s house to check on her. Kandi and Cynthia both had fibroids and there’s concern about them coming back with the pregnancy. Despite orders to slow down, she reveals that she and Todd have made an offer on a property in which they plan to open a restaurant. It was mostly Todd’s idea. Read: Todd wants to give Kandi’s family busy work by giving them a spinoff. Cynthia acknowledges how hard the restaurant business is but she supports Peter’s descent into poverty so she can’t say anything about Kandi and Todd. Cynthia shares her marriage troubles and blatantly says that she needs to get herself out of the marriage. Cynthia is pulling what we call “a reverse Kelsey Grammer”. It consists of making oneself a housewife and buying your husband a career so you can slink away quietly. Kandi votes against them breaking up because Cynthia doesn’t want to be old and lonely. Cynthia counters that she doesn’t want to be 50 and alone in bed. See? Cynthia always had a backbone. It was just hiding under Peter’s alleged infidelity.
Phaedra’s kids are having a swim date with Kim Field’s two sons. Kim must be a legitimately nice person because she’s so good about the Tootie references. Someone brings this up every episode yet she still smiles and acknowledges that the character has been good to her.
“So y’all just gonna act like Living Single never happened?”
Kim believes that class is in and Phaedra agrees wholeheartedly. Looks Like Kim isn’t the only actress. She doesn’t get her hair or nails done and looks forward to carpool and making lunch. Phaedra insists that she has to do things for herself and Kim starts crying because Phaedra has just made her see that she’s lost herself. Are you there God? It’s me, an unmarried woman. Can you please not let this show break up Kim’s marriage?
“Don’t cry. We’ll go out sometime and have some classy fun.”
“You ever heard of Redickulous?”
Porsha is at home getting made up for FaceTime with Duke. Porsha texts him repeatedly but he’s focused on “work” and “meetings”. In other words, Porsha’s check didn’t clear. After waiting an hour, she calls Phaedra who immediately says that the thrill is gone, it’s run it’s course and he’s a dead weight around her neck. She’s just going to run all of these relationships into the ground.
“Porsha, you ever heard of Redickulous?”
On the way to the bachelorette party, Kenya picks up Cynthia and her friend Tammy who’s a ballerina with ugly feet. Ever since they announced that there would be a transgender cast member I think that everyone they introduce is that person. What does it say about me, or them, that I’ve had to google both Shamea and Tammy to verify this? Anytrans, Tammy’s all “what does shade mean” and I’m all “gag me with a bunion”. Every freakin’ season they find someone to fill this role. Who doesn’t know what shade is at this point and why not just Google it? Tammy is best friends with Bob Whitfield who tells us that Sheree was only with him because he was in the NFL. Perhaps she’ll reveal other juicy tidbits like how raisins are dried grapes or how Clark Kent mysteriously disappears whenever Superman shows up or how Todd and Kandi are going to Snow White their kid so Momma Joyce can’t get to him.