Hey y’all! Welp, apparently I am as dumb as Maeve is terrifying, as this is not the season finale of what can only be described as the most riveting holiday baking competition reality show ever created. I guess after last season’s massive success, they decided six episodes just wasn’t enough to air all of the quality material of this season, so they are giving us a whopping eight episodes this season! I am not sure if that means we were naughty or nice?
The highlight reel from last week’s episode shows Maeve’s struggle to “win one”, Melody’s cookie success and Padua’s two dough mess up. This week, Bobby has decided that a purple, shiny, oversized suit is the look of the day, and the addition of the pink button up just completes another incredible ensemble for Bobby Deen.
When I saw this reflected in the mirror all I could think was … damn I look good.
With just five bakers left, it really is anybody’s competition, as all of the bakers articulate. Well, except Steve, who is a fan of his dancing white boy privilege and says he should be the winner. This does not sit well with Maeve who will def be hiding with a cleaver in Steve’s hotel room later to straighten that attitude out.
This weeks challenge is bringing it back to the Jews, which is Duff’s cue to get his ass out on stage and be the token Jew for the Food Network, since the racist lawsuits are just piling up. Duff clearly got the 1950’s blazer memo Bobby feverishly texted him while taking his pre-show shit, but Duff upped the game with his velvet lapels. Quality menswear.
Hey guys! Did ya hear? I’m Jewish!
Bobby and Duff let the bakers know their challenge will be to update and modernize two Jewish dessert favourites – rugelach and coconut macaroons. Duff explains what each dessert typically tastes like, and warns the bakers they can’t make em the traditional ways, but they also can’t make em taste like shit, so good luck with that. This group has really impressed with their innovation thus far, so I have super high hopes.
The bakers have an hour and fifteen minutes, and with no ingredients to grab with a Padua sauntering and complaining in the background, the challenge is underway. Bobby and Duff share their hebrew shampoo humour, and the music guy is loving his chance to use hokey music. The bakers get down to baking, and Haley interviews that she needs to show the judges a wow factor, because it’s week 238 and she has yet to do so.
Wanna hear something funny?
Sure do bro, what you got?
I’m bald!
Dude you slay me. We are the best.
Haley claims that being from Kentucky she doesn’t have rugelach on the menu at her bakery, because clearly there is not a single Jewish person in the entire state of Kentucky. Ignorance at it’s finest, always the ideal excuse. Especially if you throw in a child of the corn eyed giggle after the fact.
Haley is making her desserts for her dad who has some serious eating issues as dude got most of the food ON his face, not IN his mouth. But dude ain’t too bright as he calls Haley his favourite youngest daughter, which Haley thinks is a cute way to call all of his daughters his favourites, but really dad just thinks they are both the youngest. Logic is hard y’all.
I am also my father’s favourite first cousin’s sister’s second niece’s mother in law.
Haley is updating her macaroons by adding condensed milk, because girl is obsessed with condensed milk, and keeping it basic. Haley also thinks it is necessary to Mazel Tov everyone, as if she has any idea what that means. Girl is from Kentucky after all. The other bakers love the shout out, since Bobby is seriously flaking on his hosting duties and reducing each bakers’ camera time.
Over in Melody’s kitchen, Melody is also a Jewish newbie, but she is going to just roll with it and make some rolls. Melody is also going to keep showing us photos from 20 years ago, since any current photos are either irrelevant or unflattering. Most likely the latter. I feel yah girl. Don’t instagram that shit if you ain’t gotta. That’s what the throwback is for.
Tanned. Thin. Super blond. Yup, this photo is from last week.
Melody slow talks us through her baking process, which apparently requires a wrist support. Steve is taking the challenge elbow pad serious, and decides to bake his rugelach as a tart to modernize the dish, and just hopes that none of the other bakers will think of it. With this group, you needn’t worry Steve. Haley only just thought to tie her shoes, and that was mainly because she got her shoelace stuck in the oven and lit her apron strings on fire.