Well, here we are in November. Or, if you’re a purist, December, and it’s New Year’s Eve.
Whee.
That was fun. Now let’s get to our reason for being here Trash Talkers. Have a safe and happy evening. We need all of us here tomorrow.
Ceejay on VPump White: I know! The Royals without Ari would be like Sonny without Cher. I can’t wait …
Chicken Lips on Sister Wives Party: I’ll bet Janelle just *said* that some of them were gluten free… She may never leave, but she’ll at least try to get her kicks in while she can. Free Janelle!
NWMTV on Sister Wives Party: Christine had friends, but they wanted to play hide and seek. When Christine closed her eyes and started counting, all her friends moved to other countries.
[sad horns]
AuntD on Botched Wildd: I can’t believe all these silly women like Brandy Glanville who think they need to get their cootch surgically tightened. They do know it’s a muscle, right?
Chicken Lips on Amazing Incompetence: I’m surprised that old French lady didn’t refuse to give them the clues with their piss poor pronounciation. I mean seriously – have they never seen Pepe Le Pew? Stick an “a” on the end of everything! 7.5 times out of 10 you’ll be right!
Redmeph on Reign Performance: I think the fact this show makes ‘Braveheart’ look like a scrupulously well researched historical documentary speaks for itself.
Chicken Lips on Coach Charming Crown: I’d like to say that the reason she had to go be Miss High School Michigan is because we don’t do stupid crap like this in Ohio, but unfortunately that isn’t true. There’s whole gaggles of people here that parade their 3 year olds around in more makeup than I wear in a month with their hair all jacked up to Jesus.
NWMTV on (off-topic) Survivor Second: Nobody in Boston would be caught DEAD using a signalling device of ANY KIND.
The prevailing belief seems to be that if other drivers don’t already know when you’re going to turn–and how could they, when YOU YOURSELF don’t even know when you might suddenly bang a huey–they can just ponder my upraised middle finger and then go eat a bag of dicks.
I got my Christmas fuckin’ spirit early this year. Yay.
Aunt (Welcome back—again) Dorsey on VPump White: Our resident fame whore’s entire story line is going to be her silent partner’s, *sob*, addiction story. So in honor of her married lady status, I’ll give her the same respect the ’50s treated married ladies with—they erased your identity entirely and gave you your husbands. Scheannnnanananbanananafofanna *POOF* from now on until the end of eternity, you are Mrs. Mike Shay.
AuntD on Botched Wildd: I was never a fan of the glamorous Elizabeth Taylor but eons ago when Elizabeth Taylor Hilton Wilder Todd Fisher Burton Burton was going through a brief incarnation as doting wife of Senator John Warner and doing her best to become a doppelgänger for the Michelin Man by eating ALL her feelings, Joan Rivers’ entire comedy schtick was viciously ridiculing the woman for being enormously fat. The cheapest kind of humor of all. I totally lost any respect I had for Joan Rivers’ comedy chops.
TNGal on RHOA Most: Lisa carrying that swan down Sunset cracked me up. Only in L.A. do swans get depressed.
Lola del Rio TTCeleb Josh: I just CAN’T with the duggards anymore!
why can’t we swap them for some Syrians?
MissKittyTTTV on VPump Hanky: GOD I love these morons. I was hoping you would have screen grabbed Ariana’s face when Eric bragged that the Pump-tini is Jennifer Lawrence’s favorite drink there–she did this awesome sarcastic double finger waving gesture like “ooOoOooo!” It was hilarious.
Ari Safari on VPump Hanky: Uh yeah — “I’ve thought about this a LOT. So. Buy me a big, honking expensive, elaborately-set diamond you can’t afford — only make sure it doesn’t LOOK like a diamond, ok?”
Demp on VPump Hanky: I’m assuming she wants a chocolate diamond to be “unique and different” …….whelp Katie congratulations you’ve picked the farthest possible thing from that and to top it off it may just be a trademarked synthetic stone. I’m seriously dying over here.
And pay 7 grand for literally the most worthless of the diamonds. Ahhhhahhhahha this ring really symbolizes their entire relationship.
AuntD on Survivor Second: Well, if you’re going to get auf’ed, at least it’s some consolation that it’s during a freezing deluge and the bastards who voted you out have to walk their shivering asses back to a soggy camp—while you get to head to the four-star luxury of Camp Ponderosa and a hot shower.
Added bonus being the free entertainment provided by two idiot attorneys who flip each other off, like two pre-pubescent boys playing light sabers.