Hi all! Let’s kick off this messy show this week with Dom coming in hot from his fight with Richard on the previous episode. Mom is pretending like she wasn’t placed there by producers as Dom says he is upset that Richard won’t apologize for offending him and Lizzy. Dom motions that he is “over him,” but he moves his hands up, making Dom technically below him. Aww, poor guy, can’t figure out his hand directions.
Just don’t look up Dom. . .
Dom says Richard is lucky because normally, he’d fuck Richard up in France. But you can’t get those green cards with Richard’s blood on your record, so c’est la vie. We depart with a beautiful shot of the best character on this show: the gazebo.
This gazebo deserves an Emmy
Tina informs of us a pop up shop she is creating and she tries to get into her shop, but first she has to shake her jail cell barricades.
Behind those bars lay basic bitches to beat up . . .
Her business partner, Mykel, and her talk about what they want the store to look like and Tina informs us of how to create a store. You know, having lights, walls, ceilings, all shit we all probably didn’t know before. They head to the back of the store and we see this creepy as hell mural of Tina on the back wall and everyone tries to make like it doesn’t look like some half ass, party favor caricature.
What the eff am I looking at?
Tina throws a BBQ at her house and is wearing ripped up overalls and pasties. I mean, it’s less clothing that will smell like meat I guess?
Laundry day..?..
Her super model friend stops by and they are talking about love while butchering ribs. Her friend doesn’t understand how Tina can trust Wayne, but Tina says that he has been working hard lately to make things better. Tina tells us that no basic bitches can take her man and that she is cool enough to not care if Wayne cheats, he just has to tell her. . . I’m going to add that to my journal of good life tips.
We get a quick scene of the sisters throwing a bowl of flour on a sleeping Lizzy, and Lizzy wakes up and is disappointed when she realizes there wasn’t an actual cake to go along with it.
Preheat oven to 375 degrees…
Tina meets up with Mykel, rocking a wig she has named “Brooklyn” and she goes into the warehouse to check out the product for her clothing line. We see her friend, Lauren, rocking some dumpy ass mom jeans and we learn that she also has an unusually high butt crack. That was Lauren’s storyline arc for the season.
At Tina’s house, Tina and Lizzy speak in what can only be called “Turn up” language for about 3 minutes, until someone rings the door bell and Lizzy predicts it’ a murderer. I guess Tina and her family aren’t sure what neighbors are. A giant rose bouquet is dropped off and it contains 115 roses.
Umm, did anybody else notice the bondage pic of Tina in the background?! Hell of a picture for an office
Tina likes to think that it is 115 apologies from Wayne, but Lizzy says it’s 115 IOU’s. I’m surprised that Lizzy didn’t make a huge deal out of IOU having the same letters as OUI.
We head to a salon to watch Tina get her asshole waxed. . . because this is a notable moment in time clearly. Danielle is with Tina and says that her asshole will be as pink as her hot pink sweatpants when they are done. Sign. Me. Up. The waxer lady is super excited by the girls and says they are very pretty to look at. This sounds like a woman I want to bend over for.
Three’s company.
She says that Danielle can help bleach Tina’s bum hole and Tina says she does want it to be lighter for when she Face Times Wayne. . . why. . . WHY IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU FACE TIMING YOUR ASSHOLE? Nope, I am done with this scene before I throw my TV out my window.
Dom comes over to Tina’s house and they are looking at potential engagement rings for Lizzy. It’s all about the ring because you are going to have to look at each other’s hands for the rest of each other’s lives Tina says. Yes, the lifelong commitment part isn’t hard, it’s watching your loved one’s hands wrinkle that is the toughest challenge.