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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Hetero Norma Who?

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Howdy, Trashmii! It’s time for another installment of my VPR Term Paper, and I sincerely hope this week I earn a Bacon A. So Vegas happened, and as usual, we didn’t see the really interesting part on camera. Also, Kristen achieves sanity, causing Tom and Ariana to lose theirs.

Okay! Let’s get right to it, shall we?

It seems Ariana is lucky that Schwa policed her honey. He opens up this episode by telling Jax and Peter he almost lost Sandoval — “emotionally and physically” — on the strip last night. It turns out that while the Toms cavorted, Jax and Peter lay sleeping in bed, with visions of sugarplums and all that, and didn’t get into any trouble at all.

So, after Schwartz rescued Sandoval’s virtue, the two Toms managed to drag their drunken asses (and a camera crew) into a tattoo parlor, and get their butt cheeks branded. Schwa got “Bubba” on his right cheek, and Sandoval got a flaming letter “A” — which could double for a Tuchas Grade Rating on his next ‘trip to Miami’, if you catch our drift.

tom sandoval bacon a tattoo on right butt cheek vanderpump rules season 4 epiosode 9 bravoExhibit A – ​heretofore known as “Bacon A”

Speaking of drift, apparently the room stinks to high heaven — as do our intrepid young bucks, who must change into their Sur uniforms in the car, as they’re expected to work ASAP on their return.

vegas hotel floor vanderpump rules season 4 epiosode 9 bravoOk, WTF is that all over the floor?

Back at Sur, Katie tells Ariana she got a text from Schwartz — the boys are on their way!

Tom Sandoval’s mother is coming over the next day. “Great timing,” sniffs Ariana. She interviews, “I hope Tom doesn’t stumble off that struggle bus looking for any sympathy from me, cuz he’s not gonna get it.” Then she shares that she and Tom are going to perform at her friend’s diary reading event. She’s planning to read some entries from her college diary.

Ariana tells us she’s not a comic, per se, but she’s an actress who is funny — as evidenced by the fact that she’s done “a ton of shorts” for some popular comedic websites. Gee, I’m glad she told me that, because I never would have figured it out for myself.

Katie says she can’t imagine Sandoval keeping a diary. Ariana says he has notebooks full of original song lyrics he plans to read from. Then she drops her Cool GF front for a moment to stress about the boys’ behavior in Vegas — “What if Jax got somebody pregnant again?” she moans. “No, stop!” says Katie, “They were good, they were good, they were good!”


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