Howdy, Trashmii! It’s really happening, Lovelies! This week, Schwartz steps up to the plate (as he is wont to do), and makes all of Katie’s dreams come true!! Okay, without further ado, let’s get to it…
As we open, Lisa is washing swan poop off her moat bridge when Schwartz shows up, asking for water and a Xanax. Lisa wonders where Tom1 is. “He should be here if you’re going to talk about sangria,” she scolds.
She gives him a little sangria test, which he fails, and he tells her he’s really there to show her something. “I think I really nailed it,” he says. “What have you nailed?” asks Lisa.
“Should I just pull it out?”
“Oh God,” says Lisa.
Tom pulls out the engagement ring! “Your opinion matters to me,” he says. “You’re not gonna ask me, are you?” says Lisa.
Since Lisa wants to play Prince Charming Proposes, he obliges her – “Lisa Vanderpump, you have a beautiful family, an amazing husband, I’m here today to ask you to forget about all that.” She’s giggling her head off — “Oh, stop being so stupid,” she laughs.
“I want you to run away with me.”
“Before I say yes, I need to look at the ring.” Schwartz whips it out, and Lisa dons the appropriate “whip it out” facial position:
“This ain’t easy with these PIG LIPS, Dahling!”
“This is gorgeous… this is really great!” she exclaims.
Lisa interviews “It’s so sweet, this ring, and it’s so Katie.” — because it’s a shiny object in a pretty package (but not quite shiny enough, because it doesn’t go to the gym), that’s a lot more trouble than it’s worth.
Lisa asks how he’s going to do it. When he says he wants to surprise her, she groans, “It’s getting too complicated.” Schwartz says he’s gotta “Schwartzify it”, make it his own. She says, “Why? Katie’s going to get a big dose of you for the rest of her life.”
Then Lisa does Schwartz a huge favor by planting doubt in his head. She says Katie might say no. “You get that ring on her finger and walk her down the aisle as soon as possible!” she says.
Next, Tom1 heads out to a tattoo removal parlor with Ariana. “It turns out I know the office manager,” says Tom. Well, of all the durned coinkydinks — this chick happens to be friends with none other than Kristen! Ah HA, the plot thickens…
“Excited?” she asks — with a big ol’ smirk on her face, as she senses Tom’s eager anticipation that his ass will be on Kristen’s lips at their next girls’ night out.
“Excited?! Who, ME?? NOooooo… tee hee-hee!”
Ariana says she’s excited, because she’s dominating her man — (like that’s any great feat with Sandoval). Tom interviews that he’s already cringing at the thought that Kristen’s going to find out about this tattoo — cringing with excitement!!!
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