Welcome back, everyone! Last week we had some beautiful fights on this mess of a show. One resulted in a wife being called a dummy who is lucky she’s pretty because otherwise no one would hire you, honey. Another delayed months of father-son whorehouse trips until the wife stops being so damn suspicious. Yet another involved a bradult (brat/adult) refusing to go on her honeymoon and then dropping several grand on clothes to feel better about it. And Rob and Ro screamed loudly so that we would assume that they are definitely a couple.
This week bodes to be delicious and yelly. Yay!
Sure, that’ll solve it.
Before Ro tries to up and quit her job, Rob insists that they pay off at least two of their credit cards this very second.
This picture describes the relationship more than my words ever could.
Good choice dummies. What on earth are you doing racking up that much credit card debt on that many cards?? You are like 25 and work in the corporate world. Rob explains that their lifestyle “necessitates a certain type of income.” Correct, in part. Your lifestyle apparently necessitates a type of income that involves more money than you currently make. The only solution is to follow your wife to work everyday, ensure that she’s actually working, and tape her mouth shut if she starts to a get a quitty look on her face.
Who will buy my hair gel? WHO?
The debt tally: Her balance is 601 (in single dollars, I assume/hope) and his is over 3 grand.
Never tell your wife paying off debt getting you going. She will max out those cards SO FAST.
Rob finds money sexually attractive. And wears short pants. And marches around the house like a drum major announcing that he has both money and sex.
This cannot be a real human. It’s a hologram. The worst one.
Back in Cutesville, Brandon is in San Francisco working for a week, leaving Craig at home to destroy the apartment with filth do was he likes. Craig must clean the apartment before Brandon returns because the apartment is looking unnecessarily dirty.
Back in UGH-You-Again-?-vile, Rob sleeps holding Tara’s chest, his favorite possessions. He then makes her meditate, but first with a stern fatherly warning about no screen time until she finishes her homework and no laughing during dad speeches, it’s rude!
Being a kid is hard.
Part of the meditation includes a guided relaxation tape. That Rob has recorded himself.
Yeah I wouldn’t be able to hold back the laughing either.
Do it right, or no dessert tonight!
Rob helpfully blames Tara’s goofy behavior on the fact that she is just a kid and kids can’t be expected to act like grown-ups! They can, however, be married and boned daily, though.
Praise be to plastic chestal surgeons. Amen.
Part of Rob’s meditation involves living luxurious life. Because why pray/meditate if it won’t make you rich enough to buy big boobs attached to a young wife?
Brandon comes home! Craig brings the puppy to pick him up from the airport and they can’t wait to go at it. Aw. Side note: Thank you, editors, for peppering in this tiny cute scene in between the dummies so that my brain palate can cleanse slightly before the dummies take over.
Speaking of dummies… Adonis has given Erica a new level of commitment. Be this actual commitment? No, silly. It probably just means that the hoes are cut down to 6 days a week. This will serve a dual purpose because it will give Erica a day off of running his business for him.
Packaging internet streams that somehow involve keys. Seems legit and not like busy work to keep your wife busy while you go to the “strip club.”
Adonis shares with Erica what he told his best man about her. “All she likes to do is have sex and save money.”
Only right on the second account…
This dude is so unintentionally hurtful, I can’t imagine what he says when he’s trying to be mean or when the cameras are off. He is disrespectful and is so with a smile.
Erica: Leave him, girl. You have not “been through a lot with him.” The thing you have been through is that he is an ass and an idiot who thought he could skate around the law.
Adonis: Even if that was a thing you told your boy, it is not what you relay to the wife that you recently admitted to rampantly cheating on. Or any wife, really.
It’s time for the couple to go to counseling! Adonis does not want to go and is pissed that she doesn’t trust him after all he has done. Side note #2: What exactly has he done? Not answered a few paternal phone calls? Sounds like a serious life change to prove commitment.
What more does she want?? Because even less cheating is not an option.
Erica jokes that maybe Adonis will learn respect for women! Yay! Smiles!