Hello Trash Talkers! Last week, we met Wannabe Breakout Star Number 2, Marissa Jade. Supposedly she’s an actress, model and socialite. Her bragging went into overtime, which I didn’t appreciate. Marissa doesn’t care, because in her world (party of one), she is superior to everyone, including the viewers. Those who, unlike herself, have the common sense to know Jennifer Graziano is not part of, nor does she cast, the upper class. Unfortunately, Renee adores Marissa and hauled her pompous ass along with everyone else for an early “vacation” in the Hamptons.
The trip had a disappointing start, with Marissa making a lame attempt to start shizz by calling Brittany a lush. Unfortunately, that word was not in Brittany’s Hooked on Phonics kit, so Renee did the honors of looking up the exact definition and educating her. When her sloshy self realized she had been insulted, she didn’t even bother to leave her chair.
I have a feeling I am going to start hating Brittany very, very soon.
The new ep brings us to a dinner party in the Hamptons, hosted by Carla’s friend, Evan. This is the first time I have EVER seen Renee at a party without the girls dragging along behind her. Who the hell convinced her to cover up her prized puppies? Whoever you are, we the viewers thank you. She may not look classy, but at least she’s not polluting our screens with age spots. Did anyone else notice the tiny black clippy in her hair? It must be her idea of posh. Big Ang wins for best wardrobe in this scene, with her faded denim romper, a loaner from Karen’s thinner days.
Brittany and Marissa frantically grab allies as soon as they arrive, so they can trash each other. Ang and Brittany agree to be lushes together. Marissa finds Brittany so irrelevant that she can’t stop babbling about her to Renee. Things get a little more selfie worthy when the hags start knocking back the tequila. Marissa, who spent the last ep rambling about how she doesn’t even ALLOW herself to get tipsy, starts slamming it with the best of them:
The women are beyond sloppy, which may or may not be trashier than beating the hell out of each other at a dinner party in the Hamptons. The men don’t seem to mind, because with the right tequila goggles, Ang no longer looks like this:
After treating us to a night of trash, the women head back to the cabin and collapse. The next day, a yoga instructor arrives at the door, before anyone has a chance to do the necessary hangover heaving. Everyone follows the script and participates in the yoga, with the exception of Renee. They bond and finish the trip off with a toast. The Groupon getaway has ended.
Renee meets up with AJ and his girlfriend, Andrea, for lunch. While she finishes up her waitressing shift, Renee tells AJ she wants to talk to her about weddings. WTF? Lunatic. He just got her a promise ring last season, which was a complete joke. Who the hell gives a girl a promise ring at TWENTY?! When Andrea can avoid Renee no longer, she joins them. Renee immediately launches into their engagement and wedding plans. Shockingly, Andrea remains seated. She and AJ have talked about a wedding, but she isn’t ready. She is up for an engagement ring. That’s not in Renee’s budget, with the cancellation. So sorry. She wants to know why they don’t just live together at her house? Meaning poor Andrea would be stuck not only with AJ, but his crackass crazy mother as well.
Hmm. This is something new. I thought AJ was still living with Renee. So he’s got another woman to sponge off now, huh? Interesting.
Andrea gives AJ a look and tells Renee it’s not about her, but the house itself. They think a ghost lives in one of the closets. They are so convinced, that AJ is terrified of going to the second floor and showering by himself. God girl, you are dumb! Anything to get you to shower with him that works. Suckah. Renee finds this hilarious, and has the perfect solution. She’ll get Mob Wives to dig up a medium, like Andy Cohen does for the wealthy hags of Beverly Hills. Renee’s thrilled! Now she has even more company than she thought. She’ll never be alone again!
If only Alison Dubois lived nearby.
Renee and Karen meet to scream at each other. Karen is still upset about being called fake. She’s friends with Carla and that has nothing to do with Drita and Carla’s falling out. Drita doesn’t believe this sudden friendship with Carla, after all of the terrible things she and Renee have said about her. Fair enough. Karen puts it back on her, asking her what the difference is between she and Drita fighting, then making up. The problem we have here is that she considered Drita her friend when she let Love trash her at the parade. That’s not following Friend Code Basics 101.
This schifoso wants to educate everyone on the importance of fighting like a lady.
Karen says she does not know that Drita didn’t say those things about Carla to Love. After watching Love come an inch away from murdering Carla on television, I am done with this conversation. Love is obviously a nut job and a real friend would have stepped up. There are no excuses. When Drita refuses to let Karen worm her way out of that one, Karen threatens her by telling her she does not want to go back there. Drita keeps pressing her to clarify what she means, but Karen won’t. Typical, typical. Goodbye Karen. Drita says she will be cordial to her, but they are not friends. Her friends do not act like that. They do not fight her or threaten her. They wouldn’t wear a dress like that either. Someone has got to educate Karen on the difference between CURVES and ROLLS.