TMZ – Raddest Pope Ever Spring Breaking in Mexico, Take a Shot
Dope Francis is going to Mexico, because that’s where all the slam pieces are this time of year, brah. Get your dicks wet and your brain stupid because this is going to be the dankest shit the Catholic Church has ever snarfed, yo.
People – OK Now It’s Getting Creepy
Bland, beautiful person Ryan Reynolds is just super fucking high on life, you guys. With a new superhero movie opening this weekend (“Pleasepleaseplease forget all about this, America.” -Ryan), he’s making the press rounds and talking about the squalling thing he created with fellow gorgeous person Blake Lively when they rubbed their plastic Barbie and Ken non-genitals together. Ryan said that he’s so stoked having a daughter (named JAMES, remember?) that he wouldn’t mind having eight more. Aw, what an adorable image. One big happy family: Ryan, Blake, James… and the eight little sisters: Steve, Carl, Mike, Jim, Rob, Pedro, Fred and Garry.
Us – Aspiring High Schooler Holds Fashion Show, Family Shows Up to Show Reluctant Support
Oh god Kanye West had a stupid fucking fashion show for his stupid fucking fashion line and the stupid fucking Kardashian army showed up in expensive white robes and contoured faces and puckered their faces seriously at the cameras, trying as hard as they could to look like arch angels of style. Caitlyn and Kylie wore the same dress. Lamar was there. I wonder what I should have for lunch.
Perez Hilton – Potato Log.
Human potato log Teresa Giudice teaches us how to make a potato log and shares other nifty correctional tips in this week’s edition of Are You Still Watching America?
Huffington Post – Oh My God Lady Gaga is Making a Doll
Tiny, cheerful alien Lady Gaga is teaming up with Mattel to release a celebrity doll in its Monster High line. Attention-hungry theater kids and little gay boys the world over will spend hours of fun with lil Lady Gaga, brushing her hair, dressing her in tiny prosciutto dresses, squeezing her midsection until she pukes on stage, covering her in blood, and slamming her naked form in puddles of finger paint upon the immediate but limited release of its Taylor Kinney play counterpart. What else do you think the Gaga doll will do? Leave your theories in the comments.
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