Hey peanuts,
It’s the second to last episode and I just now figured out that it’s called Project Runway JUNIOR, not Project Runway Juniors. My bad. On the plus side, I’ve cooled off after all the shenanigans last week. On the negative side, this weeks’ episode is an hour and 30 minutes long. Ninety minutes. The things I do for you…
Hannah comes out this week wearing a jumpsuit. I don’t know if it looks that great but her figure looks amazing in it. I mean if you’re whole life is going to be about fitting into a very specific aesthetic mold and not eating and exercising all the time… at least be good at it, right? Anyway, the hamsters are told they will now be making their six look collection for New York Fashion Week. That’s around half of a typical PR OG collection but let’s be honest, we all know they’ll have to make a last minute look, right? They always have to make a last minute look. You don’t show up for the finale not prepared with one last design and the materials to make it. The winner will be getting a full scholarship to FIDM. I’m not really sure how that’ll work when the oldest contestants are only 16, but, sure. They have four weeks and a $4000 budget. $4000 sounds fair for 6 (or really 7) looks but 4 weeks is a bit crazy since they’re not going to be devoting every second of that four weeks to these collections. Remember, these are children. Four weeks is not even enough time for Tim to go on home visits, which is something he tells them. But he truly cares. Pinky swear.
Because the Project Runway franchise has no decency, they force me to endure Amanda Valentine once we get back into the workroom. Credit to her, she does look good. Her brilliant advice is to “follow your instincts” and “be true to yourselves.” Unless that doesn’t work and then come back in a season with a bunch of fringe and fugly doorstop jewelry. Amanda’s here because there’s an added Visionworks sponsor challenge. The hamsters will each have to accessorize one of their six models with a pair of glasses. And the winner will get a Visionworks shopping spree. As far as I know they all have perfect vision, but cool… I guess?
The mini-designers prepare to go home and return in 3 weeks for their check in. It’s actually kind of sweet. It feels a bit like the end of camp. Samantha disappears into the subway while the other three pile into a taxi to the airport. Also, Maya is wearing rocks around her neck for some reason.
There’s a transition bit here in lieu of Tim’s home visits. Zachary is in Berkeley, CA. Peytie is in Carlsbad, CA. Maya is in Toledo, Ohio and Samantha is in Queens, NY. This footage is a combination of home videos and personal vlogs. I’m sparing you all this because nothing of any interest happens and because I’M A GOOD PERSON. And also because we have eight more pages of notes to get through and this is only part one of a two part finale.
Three weeks later we’re back in New York where the hamsters have individual check ins in the workroom with Tim. I don’t know why we’re doing it this way but I’m going to assume… logistics. I’m also going to assume that all the filming that is taking place is eating into the paltry four weeks they were given to make a NY Fashion Week worthy collection. Once again, great job, Project Runway Junior.
Peytie is up first. Her looks seem quite cheap. They remind me of the things hanging in the windows of stores in the fashion district. It’s either bolts of fabric swaddled around a mannequin or wholesale garbage made for even less than the sweatshop fashion you get at the mall. So yeah, I’m not paying her a compliment.
She says her little sister added the gold hand-painted designs on some of her fabrics. That’s the only spark of creativity or beauty I really see in this collection. Tim complains that she used the same fabric in three looks. The coral chokers she added to her dresses look heavy and hideous. Tim comments that “as a concern, it’s the construction.” I don’t think that sentence made sense. Just say it looks shitty, Tim.
Turns out we won’t be cheated out of home visits after all. If Tim can’t go to the designers’ families, the designers’ families will have to come to Tim. Peytie brought her sister Zoe, her mom Jen, and her dad Evan. She calls Jen her “momager” seemingly unaware of the negative Kris Jenner implications of that. Jen says that Peytie “only started sewing a couple years ago” and that she’s had “no proper classes.” That might be impressive if I hadn’t just seen the crap she produced for her final collection. And that mop dress. And the floppy pink napkin thing. Thinking back, Peytie hasn’t had a great track record. Evan says Peytie begged them for a sewing room for so long that they finally gave in and let her have the guest bedroom. And then she “locked herself in there for 10 hours a day.” That seems healthy… Well, no time to dwell over a teenager’s emotional and mental health. It’s time for Tim to fail at ping pong!
Aw, we have fun, don’t we?
OK, next up is Maya. Maya’s collection is black and white with a bit of yellow. It’s more polished and basic than I was expecting from Maya. It’s very… Ann Taylor. I was expecting something a bit more cool and goth from Maya but I don’t hate this. She admits to Tim that she “did start over a lot” and “stayed up until three AM.” Again, these are children. I feel like someone should be worried about this. One of her outfits looks like a kimono and there’s definitely an Asian influence. She says her inspiration was a “warrior in spring time.” I would have liked more Xena and less Crouching Tiger Hidden dragon filtered down into the department stores. She points to her mix of “floral and black leather.” I think there are some pretty shapes and smart lines here but I wish there was… more. I’ve seen better from Maya. Tim tells her to “limit the number of different textiles” and points out the construction issues. So… is that what you’re going to stick to for everyone? Peytie used too few fabrics. Now, Maya apparently used too many. And everyone needs to watch their construction. Why did you even show up for work today, Tim Gunn?
Maya brought her mom Tracy and her sister Sonia. By the way, where the hell is this room? Is it in Parsons? It doesn’t look like any place Tim had a hand in decorating. Tracy says that when Maya was young she played soccer but she ran away from the ball. Then she asked for a sewing machine and learned how to make clothes from youtube. This is actually quite touching. Maya’s mom is so supportive. I’m still not sure what the point of all this is. It’s giving me a parent/teacher night vibe except it’s happening during the day and for some reason I feel like people usually meet here and watch football. What is this room?
There a two wine racks, a Foosball table, and a chess set. Also, I think saw a ghost walking around.
Next we join Samantha in the workroom. She started late, both designing and making her collection, so she doesn’t have enough pieces to show Tim. She says she was inspired by “military uniforms.” My immediate impression is that these clothes look BIG. One of her jackets looks like a straight up bulletproof vest. I get androgyny and oversized silhouettes but this is really not attractive. Samantha points out her use of mesh neoprene and canvas. She says the teal fabric she used was limited but she just bought it all anyway.
Great choice…
Tim tells her to look at one of her pairs of pants. He says that the double neoprene on the top and bottom will make her model look like the Michelin man. Ha, good one. “Head to toe neoprene… I don’t think this is how people would wear it.” Samantha stares back like she cannot comprehend that Tim is not over the moon about her fugly uniforms. “What about the fit?” he asks her. He points out the “scale of the pleats.”Samantha suddenly claims that the final version won’t be as long or wide. They engage in a war of silent stubbornness until Tim just shakes his head at her neoprene pants and tells her she needs to make cigarette pants to balance out the volume on top. I’m shaking my head too. Why does Samantha want everyone to look fat? I will never understand teenagers.
Pictured: Not how pants should fit
Tim tells her that two of her looks are redundant because the only thing that separates them is sleeves. I feel like Samantha has made ALL of these things before.
We don’t revisit the weird room again. Samantha’s parents are waiting for them outside on a park bench. Candida, her mom, says that they used to go to every store in the mall. Samantha didn’t like anything and “I would be very frustrated.” She says she didn’t get it at the time but now she realizes that Samantha had a vision of what she wanted as a designer. Uh… I think she just sounds like a brat. Samantha’s dad is much more supportive. He’s got a vibe about him. He seems more ambitious for Samantha and I get the feeling he practiced what he says to Tim.
Zachary’s the last one to meet Tim in the workroom. His outfits are very pretty. They’re not perfect but I feel like I’m finally looking at something interesting. His inspiration is bullshit. He says something about light… light colors… duality… contrast. How is there contrast in light and light? Is that some kind of KKK nonsense? His works feels more couture and old-fashioned but I’m into it. It’s still unfinished at this point but if he can get it together, I’m very hopeful. Tim makes him count his fabrics. There are seven. Tim warns him against putting together something not coherent. Shut up, Tim. If the number of fabrics was this important why didn’t you tell them that before they left three weeks ago? Nonsense… I love Zachary’s finale look, or at least where it’s going right now. Tim says it could go prom dress. I think Tim can go eat a bag of quarters.
Zachary’s mom Camille came. Aw, I remember her. She was his assistant on Threads. She is immediately intense and teary (kind of how she was on Threads). She says “Thank you for giving my baby this opportunity” and makes Tim uncomfortable thanking him for his save and touching his face. It’s great. See, this is what you get for engaging in stupid shenanigans, Tim. Middle-aged women touching your face. I hope you’re happy with yourself.
Worst rom com ever
Camille says that when Zachary was 2 or 3 she already knew he had a future as a designer. He’d wrap his blankets around himself. She says “I was put on this earth to be his mom,” which again, is very intense, but kind of sweet, too.
One more terrible screengrab… just ’cause I can
And… then they went home? We’re losing a lot of time with travel. There are more home videos/vlogs. Zachary uses a bunch of words and I don’t think they mean what he thinks they mean. Then it’s a week later and we’re back in the workroom. Everyone unzips their garment bags. Samantha is still behind. They all fuss over each others’ collections. Three of them are having fun and playing around and I remind myself that we’re watching children. And then there’s Samantha…
“I’m behind because I decided to go hard with all of my detail work.” For real, Samantha? Are you shitting me? Did you forget how you told us that you started late because you were relaxing at home? Shut up. Just shut up.
Tim comes in and tells them to use the Just Fab accessories wall wisely. By the way, I feel like we’ve been saved a lot of sponsorship BS this season because I totes forgot who all the sponsors are. He also tells them that in two hours they’ll have to present two of their six looks to the judges. Nothing happens in this two hours except that everyone is a mess. No one really has anything perfectly finished. It’s to the point where Zachary’s model has to lay on the ironing board in her dress while he irons part of it.
Jesus Christ.
It almost makes me wish they’d bring that Heidi Klum hosted show about the Project Runway models show back. Jk, nothing would make me wish for that. Also, Samantha makes last minute shorts.
And we’re back on the runway! Hannah looks great. Really professional and polished but cute. Tim has an additional job this week of taking notes for the designers in a little notebook. Wow…
Peytie is up first. Her first design is cute but simple. There are some shapes going on but it’s not interesting and I feel like her sister deserves most of the credit for painting the fabric. The orange dress is UGLY. It looks super cheap and reminds me of Santino’s final runway where it seemed like he saved half his budget for rent money.
Maya is next. Her first look is fine. I kind of hate the skirt. Her second look is better but it reads a bit old and I’m conflicted over how I feel about the faux-kimono.
Samantha’s looks are totally Samantha. They’re bulky and unflattering. She thinks she took masculine military gear and made it feminine. Well, have of that is true. Please don’t let Samantha win. It’s always the same goddamned thing.
Zachary’s looks are admittedly unfinished but I like where I think they’re going.
Ultimately no one’s quite there yet. Time for the judges to tear them apart for not producing perfect collections in three weeks (that’s not really three weeks because they had to travel and apparently were still going to school… seriously, what the fuck, Project Runway Junior?)
Before the judges say anything, Peytie reaches over and adjusts her model’s skirt. Apparently it was aligned incorrectly. Christian comments that he thought it worked better as an asymmetrical skirt. Then Peytie explains her concept about “stamps on a girl’s passport” and a mix of different countries. Well, it certainly seems like cultural tourism and the cheapest shit you could buy at a tourist trap bazaar so… mission accomplished? She also points out the mirrors and her sister’s (who is 13) work painting the black leather.
Christian says the top needs darts because there is way too much side boob going on. He says the orange dress looks like a shower curtain. Hannah loves the colors but she thinks Peytie needs to get it to move more. Aya says it looks like upholstery fabric or curtains and isn’t flattering. Hannah says she couldn’t see the beading on the collars and it just looked like textured fabric. She tells Peytie she needs to do something more fun and flashy. Kelly says everything might not work together but the individual pieces are good. Christian wants her to go farther into the crazy. For the most part I don’t disagree with any of this. It’s not good. I think they’re being too kind if anything.
Zachary launches into a confusing spiel about softer nature and crystals and trees and I worry that he kidnapped by hippies when he was in California. You know, guys, there’s just this duality so he juxtaposed black and cream… Dafuq are you talking about, Zachary? None of that made any sense.
Kelly likes that it’s more youthful than some of his other stuff. It’s expensive and sophisticated, but she says parts of him are missing. Christian commends him on the difficulty of the bubble hem. Hannah says the purple dress seems heavy. Christian loves the cut of the drop waist and the textile choice but says it feels disconnected now, like two different women. Hannah likes the mix of pastels and black which seems more youthful. Kelly tells him to pop the collar of the straw jacket and says it improves things. Hannah says that purple dress might need a black belt. She loves the fit but says a young girl would not wear it. Christian tells him to add pockets. In general it’s just a lot of nitpicking and little suggestions. I find the micromanaging tedious which is why my notes are so boring. Aya cuts in finally to say “the Zachary woman is a bit more of a mature woman. Just because he’s a young designer, doesn’t mean he has to design for young people. That has never been Zachary’s POV.” YES, AYA! They would never say that on PR OG. Not with Nina and Heidi and formerly the desiccated orange that is Michael Kors clinging to youth and relevance like the vampiric leeches they are.
Maya once again trots out her “warrior standing in a field of yellow flowers” line and says there’s also a Japanese vibe. The problem is that these warriors are real basic. And this time I mean it in the urban dictionary way. Hannah likes the see through fabric and the movement. Aya loves the two looks with the illusion of being seen and not seen and the ways the models’ limbs move under the sheer fabric. Christian likes the piping on the sheer cape. Kelly says Maya needs to watch her construction because there’s no room for error with white. Christian says there’s not enough yellow if there’s going to be yellow. More yellow! Hannah says it’s sophisticated and mature and wants it to be a little younger. Christian says it’s the flower print that’s making it too mature. Aya says it still has a youthful, sport element but wishes there were also day looks. I mean, ultimately, I think the problem is that Maya has been better during the competition. These looks are fine but I wonder how many times she started over because I think she can do better than this.
And then we have Samantha. She explains her inspiration of tactical military uniforms and bulletproof vests like we don’t have eyes. NO DUH. You didn’t “design” anything. You just made shitty homemade versions of those things. She tells them about all her last minute elements and how this is not finished and how she’s going to work on that and Christian cuts in saying “you got a lot of work, girl.” Everyone laughs but come on now, she’s not going to get it done.
Christian still says her girls are so cool. He advises her to fuse the silk faille fabric to make it stronger. Aya says tomboy style needs more than cargo pockets and culottes and bermuda shorts. Damn. It’s lines like that every so often that make me appreciate having Aya around. Nina would just make a sourpuss face and use the vocabulary of a twelve-year-old on twitter. Christian says it needs more color and something bold. Kelly says Samantha can’t get away with the raw finishing and needs to focus on the details. Aya says she’d be wise to put in 1-2 evening looks. They want to see the next generation of Samantha. LOL. There is no Sam 2.0. This is it. This is what you’re getting, lady. Kelly asks what Samantha’s “wow factor” is. Hannah says she loves the color palette. Christian says she did a good job but the finishing is holding her back. Oh, come off it. This is a mess.
THERE ARE TWO DAYS LEFT UNTIL NEW YORK FASHION WEEK. I’ll say it again. Drink if you’re playing along. What the fuck, Project Runway Junior? What the actual fuck?
Back in that little lounge where they sit waiting to see who gets eliminated, Tim reads from his little notebook in case they were too emotionally scarred to retain what the judges were saying. Peytie decides to get rid of her orange dress which they hated. The others muster up some ideas but I don’t see a lot of progress being made. They have 2 days to fix EVERYTHING. Tim tells them to “take risks” and “calibrate and adjust your ambitions according to the time frame.” He tells them they do well under pressure and they need to make it work. They don’t show Tim’s face during some of this and my sense is that this was ADR voiceover. I like to think what Tim actually said was “Hahahaha, you’re fucked.”
We’ve got one more episode to go and then we can finally put this first seasons of Project Runway Junior to bed. Who will win? Will it be Samantha? Hopefully not, because I like my TV and I don’t want to throw it out the window. It’s heavy. See you then! Thanks for sticking with me, darlings!
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