Hello Trash Talkers! Last week, Big Ang staged a sit-down so the original mangy bitches of this show could finally put their shizz away. The ladies pledged undying loyalty and devotion to the reality TV sisterhood. That was only after ripping each other into shreds. No more gossiping, fighting, etc. etc. Nothing but honor, loyalty and spray tans. Meeting adjourned.
Certain crew members couldn’t even make it through the entire episode without breaking their own rules. Shocker.
Who hasn’t seen the video yet?
Now about the newest wannabes, Brittany and Marissa. The producers, who have already wasted enough of our time on those two, continued with their storyline, whatever the hell it is. Anything that will lead up to a fight. You can SMELL Jennifer Graziano’s desperation for a spin-off before Mob Wives is dead and buried. Marissa will be cast as the token old lady, Brittany the Drita and Karina will be thrown in, along with a couple of “friends” from modeling school. Karen will play the voice of reason. Sort of like Sharon Osbourne on Charm School. Only I actually like Karen’s daughter. I cannot say that for that stump of Sharon’s.
The episode ended with the original group meeting The Others at some beach bar so the two could talk things out. After a little pre-fight (Drita) and no fight counseling (Carla and Karen), Karen escorted the women to a “private table” close enough where they could see and hear everything. What might pass as a conversation started, Brittany stood up to fight and Marissa followed her lead. End of episode. What suspense!
Back to the crap beach bar where we left off. So, who got in the first punch? Farmer Brown Brittany or glamour model Marissa?
Fight scene or soap opera audition?
Marissa, draped in her florescent nightmare, gets the first swing in. Brittany makes a few lame attempts to hit back, but security steps in. Brittany trips all over herself, yelling at Marissa. If she doesn’t get at least one punch in, she’ll never make the reality TV D-list. Right now she’s tied with the guests on Jerry Springer. Drita suggests she take it to the parking lot, so they don’t disgrace themselves in front of the extras who are eating lunch. Hmm. Parking lots and spaces are clearly Drita’s fight triggers. Throughout the mess, she plays Brittany’s coach from the sidelines. It doesn’t help. The only successful swing comes from Marissa.
The saddest part of all of this is unlike Marissa, Brittany is actually TRYING to fight…and getting nowhere. Thanks to the shizz producers and security, nothing else happens. The girls are sent away to practice their lines for their upcoming scenes.
WHY can’t this Jenn Graziano bitch come up with something better for these wannabes than a half-assed fight? She better be freaking thankful that she has dealing to fall back on. That was not spin-off material. After our host Karen seated Brittany and Marissa for a truce, the two hissed back and forth like old tomcats. Then there was the “fight.” I am having Nat flashbacks. Rant over, for about five seconds.
Karen is pissed because Brittany did not take the direct order she gave her, which was to talk things out. Please, Karen. Your father was never The Boss and neither are you. Quit lecturing on violence. You just clocked your boyfriend with your phone two episodes ago! Brittany is angry because Karen did not let her jump Marissa. Now she’s back to loser status. Moving on to more important people…
Ang and Drita visit another “back in the day” place, a mobster strip club. This is supposed to be inspiration for Drita’s book. Sadly, it is now just another Chinese Buffet. Drita brags about how three women were always with Lee. Hello! This is a strip club. A farm animal could wave money and they’d be all over it like white on rice. Drita and Lee are still at odds over her book, but I don’t care. Ang says he’ll come around. I’m sure he will….after the first check comes in.
We drop in on Renee, where A.J. and his girlfriend are finally moving in, although it’s only part-time. Renee followed Ang’s advice and redecorated A.J.’s room. It no longer looks like a nursery, but like something appropriate for a twentysomething. That is, one who expects an allowance until his mother is six feet under. She informs him he is responsible for his laundry. He demands his favorite snacks in return. Same old A.J. He’ll be glued to his bed, buried in chips and dirty laundry, by next week’s episode.
Ang, who has more important things to do (like anything) is forced to meet Marissa for lunch. Contracts are such a bitch. She’s had more medical tests and looks completely drained. Marissa doesn’t notice and she immediately launches into her usual. Ang tells her she jumped Brittany first. Oh who cares. It was hardly a fight. Ang sides with Drita when Marissa tries to go on about her coaching Brittany. She wasn’t stirring the pot. Ang wants everyone to get along, or at least STFU. That will never happen. Sorry Big Ang.
Excuses, excuses.
Lunch time for Brittany, her mother and Drita. Her mother, Andrea Giovino, is terrifying. According to her autobiography, which I am going to be optimistic about and believe is moderately accurate, she and her family are hardened former (?!) criminals. I’m only halfway into it and she’s spent most of her time punching. Her most notorious scene so far is when she overheard a couple of women trashing her friend. After telling them to shut it a couple of times, they called her a C-NT. She flipped their table, broke a champagne bottle over one woman’s head and proceeded to beat the crap out of them with her fists. Supposedly, Gotti named her “Rocky.”
You see WHY I had such hope for Brittany?
Brittany’s mom is not pleased when she hears about how her fight with Marissa went down. Brittany didn’t make contact first. Marissa got the swing in. Yep, I’d be ashamed of my child too, Andrea. Brittany turns into Brattney and whines that Karen did not back her up. She wanted to fight but Karen wouldn’t let her. Andrea demands to know if Karen has called to check on her. WHERE IS THE LOYALTY? No loyalty and terrible etiquette. Andrea is going to do God knows what to Karen. I hope, because this episode is boring me out of my mind.
While lunch BS is going on, real life is happening. Ang and Neil meet with the doctor to review the results of her tests. He is concerned about a nodule on her lung. I am not posting any pics of her facial expressions. It is a very intense scene. First, she refuses to have anything done about it. She said she’d rather die than have any more surgery. Too bad, because the doctor is inspecting it and won’t let her give up. He is not taking any of her shit. Ang is going to fight this, whether she likes it or not. Good. Who else could wear this hat so well?
Carla somehow gets a scene with Karen. She’s stopped by Carla’s new house to whine. She’s jealous that Drita and Brittany are friends. Giraffe legs didn’t “respect” Karen enough to do as she was told either. She’s turning into Drita. Ultimate slam from Karen. Speaking of Drita, we get a scene with her yelling at Lee on the phone. He finally decides the book is okay. What an asshole.
Great. Karen is meeting with Brittany to talk things out. Quit with the act, Karen. The conversation goes about the same as I predicted. Both think they are right. They also disagree about loyalty. Boring azz scene and I am glad it’s over. Next!
Our final scene goes to Ang, Karen and Renee. She is meeting with them to tell them about the results of her medical tests. Her talking heads are incredibly heartbreaking, especially with her current situation. She’s crying and talks about how terrified she is. I wonder exactly how good Ang is with the doctor’s scene being shown on national television. When Ang shares what’s going on with Karen and Renee, Karen becomes teary. She lists all of the people she knows who are cancer survivors. This is not helping at the moment. Get your ass over there and hug her, bitches! Renee, who looks sad and shocked, doesn’t make a move either. Is this normal? Obviously they care. Maybe they are just huggaphobic. Karen cries in her talking head, and the episode ends on a depressingly real note.
Prayers for you Big Ang. We’d never survive reality TV without you!
Next week, Brittany walks the runway! It appears she’s just as bad at it as we thought. So what did you think of the latest? Anyone want to gossip about Drita’s fight video? Until next recap Trash Talkers, snark on….
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