Last episode, the housewives landed in Jamaica with a series of guest stars that would put Jerry Lewis to shame. NeNe showed up and forced Kenya, Phaedra and Porsha to accept their place as the rejected members of Destiny’s Child. Kandi sat in her Edward Scissorhands inspired living room and lamented missing out on free food and Kenya chased Kim out of a restaurant. At least Kenya clapped while she did it. Kim can use this for her reel.
This week, Kenya is still upset that Cynthia denied being friends with her and Cynthia tells her version of the story to the rest of Brewster Place on their way to Kingston. Kim has finally left the kids behind at the hotel.
“I forgot to put the salt shaker in the safe!”
Cynthia claims that Kenya walked out on her and they “got into it”. I’m pretty sure they had a relatively civil conversation in which Cynthia lied to Kenya’s face, condescendingly asked if she was done talking and then proceeded to leave. Then she starts crying and claiming that they are really close and Kenya means so much to her. Basically, the girls teased Cynthia and in her embarrassment she denied Kenya. She feels bad now especially since she lied to cover up the denial even though she knows it will air soon and now she’s pulling out the tears so NeNe won’t make her choose between the two of them. NeNe knows that she’s got her puppet by the strings so she lets Cynthia off the hook by saying that she will talk to Kenya personally and allow them to braid each other’s hair.
Meanwhile, Matt and Kenya spend time in a bubble bath. Apparently he went to Stella Adler because he’s acting like he has no idea about this NeNe woman and her relationship with Cynthia. Kenya explains that she was really hurt and then slips him a twenty under the water. Hot tubs weren’t in the original contract.
The group finally gets to Peter’s family. They meet his aunt and her husband. We find out that Peter was called Elvis since he was a kid and he didn’t even know his real name until he was older. Ironically, Peter probably will end up bloated, divorced and shilling product no one wants. Cynthia reflects on how far he’s come. Isn’t it grand? He left a profitable and delicious seafood business to go to America where he can fail in snow.
After Kingston, the men drink while the women hang at the pool. The guys question Matt about his age, Gregg calls him Max then Mack and implies that he’s got ineffective sperm. That’s usually how I get to know strangers but Matt gets all uppity and challenges them to a duel or penis measuring contest or something. He invites them to take a walk outside but Gregg falls asleep mid-threat, Peter doesn’t want to aggravate his bursitis and Chris says he’s got jeans older than Matt.
Chris: I’m wearing them now. I’ll take them off and let you see.
NeNe pays Kenya a visit and explains that Cynthia spoke highly of her on the bus and even cried because she was so upset about lying and eventually getting caught when this airs. Kenya joins the rest of the women at the pool and accepts Cynthia’s apology. Kenya will now go to the commercial shoot so they can all go down in flames together. Speaking of flames, the women start discussing Kim’s husband Chris by paying him comments draped in innuendo. They all deny having opinions about Chris’ sexuality while looking at the camera with varying degrees of eye bulges and smirks. They’re proof consists of him being on Broadway, tap dancing and him supposedly being called Chrissy within the industry with the “industry” most likely being Miss Lawrence and/or Brandon. Cynthia will not participate in this conversation because she’s already had to lie her way out of one argument. Sheree laughs along but decides that she will not stand around and watch an opportunity to start trouble pass her by.
The next day, Kim is directing Cynthia in the commercial while the rest of the group travels to the location by bus.
Sebastian is left behind to read a book on the dangers of high blood pressure.
They review the call sheet while Gregg sleeps. At the beach, thunder begins and Kim, who set up everything anyone could ever think of, apparently forgot to check her weather app. Back on the bus, Gregg is still sleeping. The call sheet makes no mention of Kenya who feels Kim is being passive aggressive. Kim went to bed before Kenya decided to show up to the pool so it’s not as sinister as it may seem. What is sinister is the call sheet misspelling NeNe’s last name and not including any emergency contacts, makeup artists, hospitals, blood types and/or the periodic table.
“What call sheet doesn’t have the Magna Carta attached?!”
Back at the beach, Kim is busy filming footage that will actually make it into the commercial…
…in an outfit clearly borrowed from a Giudice or a Gorga.
The gang finally arrives, Gregg wakes up and they join the commercial shoot. NeNe brings “jew-ree” even though she doesn’t usually work without a “contrack”. Kenya promptly spots, boards and escapes the shoot via paddle boat with Matt. This is what I’d call passive aggressive. I get that she’s easily injured due to her mommy issues but she’s got to get into some serious counseling if she’s ever going to have a decent relationships. Meanwhile, the group makes a commercial that looks like a Black Benny Hill episode. They finally finish up and celebrate Kim while Kenya complains about the noise like the angry spinster she’s growing into each day. The cast is so happy for Kim because she’s in her element.
“And if you’d had a periodic table on the call sheet, you’d be able to name the element.”
Matt reveals that he didn’t get along too well with the guys last night because they teased him. Kenya is disappointed to hear that he tried to take it outside and he agrees that he “shouldn’t of” done that. I wish I hadn’t of heard that.
Oliver arrives just in time for blue ball season. Yes, he’s taken time off of work and used up a spot in his passport just to be put into a separate room and told that the only thing that will get worked out on this trip is his right arm.
At the commercial wrap party, everyone gathers round and congratulates Cynthia and Kim. Kenya shows up later and she and Matt are standoffish until they realize that no one is going to talk to them first. Kenya chats with the women and Matt makes up with the guys by walking over with a beer and playing pool. The women all congratulate Kim but I’ll hold my applause until I see what she does with that steaming pile. The women start going on and on about Chris being cool, a funny dude, a Renaissance Man etc…Sheree finally curses her inability to ever draw anything but the short straw in life and brings up the gay comments about Chris. She even threw the word fruity in there which says more about her age than her neck does. My heart is racing in anticipation of Kim’s response but it’ll have to race until next week because the episode ends there.
Next week, Kim walks out of yet another restaurant. They hike up a waterfall, Porsha tries to twerk and they confront Kenya about her general, agitating existence. What’d you think? Did you want to eat some of that Kingston food? Is Chris a sassy, Renaissance man? Will Oliver get anything borrowed or new or just go home with something old and blue? Will the commercial be less embarrassing than Life Twirls On? Love you for reading and commenting!
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