Greetings, Trashies! Welcome to TTTV’s recap coverage of VPR’s season 4 finale. As we wrap up this amazing season, the gang holds their pee at Villa Rosa, so Jax and James can have one final pissing match later at Sur. Lala ratchets it up, and Ariana unleashes forbidden desires, thereby cleansing her tortured soul.
Before we start — holla to my two new Trashie BFFs, @stevenweiser and @ethorne, who give me sweet friendship gifts and tell me when my baubles look like boogers. Right back atcha, friends!
And cheers to ALL you wonderful Trashies and lurkers, alike — thanks for joining us, it’s been amazing! <3
Okay! Let’s get to it, shall we?
As we open, Jax comes home and shit-tests the living crap out of KFC. There’s construction outside, and a pile on the closet floor, and she’s totally a slob — I don’t care what her excuse is — because she’s frantically washing dishes as he enters, a la the finale scene from The Cat in the Hat. You know there’s a pink ring in the bathtub waiting for Jax’s return from his post-travel greaseball shift at Sur.
In court, Jax got in and got out — which is another thing he’s good at. His charges were dropped from felony to misdemeanor, and he got probation. And if he gets through that, they’ll wipe his record clean. (WTF, Hawaii?!) Jax says, “Basically all I gotta do now is keep my nose clean.” — which is no easy task for a cokehead like him.
“Feels funny!”
He laughs when she wonders if he’s happy to see her, then she starts crying. Then they get into a spat about her slacking on the apartment hunt, and how he’s not supporting her boob-convalescence, nor taking into account her newness in town.
Meanwhile, Stassi scored the Bravo lease cosign and is moving into her new apartment! She says she’s really particular about where she squats — she needs sky blue walls and crown molding. Now that she’s got her own place, she says, “I feel I’ve got my mojo back.”
Kristen arrives with yellow flowers. “Yellow flowers mean friendships and new beginnings,” she says. Then she christens the floor of Stassi’s kitchen with champagne.
Yellow floors mean the Drunk Maid is on the job
They reminisce about the good old days, when Stassi and a younger, less twitchy and bloated Jax were making a home together, and having little lovers spats featuring Vegas-spawned bastard babies and such.
Back to Jax and Brit. “I can’t take this anymore. I can’t escape you,” says Jax. “This is a relationship. It’s 50-50… I gotta get something out of it, too. It’s a partnership.” She says she hates it when he’s in a bad mood and takes it out on her. After all, she drove across country and left her family, and is working at Hooters (with her brand new hooters) — and that’s what HE wanted. Ok-ay Brit, keep telling yourself that…
He says, “There you go, making it about you, again!” Then he tells her that sitting in a jail cell in Hawaii was the most peace and quiet he’s had in awhile. “Honest to God, keep the jail door shut, I’ll stay in here,” he says.
Brutal! Yet somehow, the fact that this is all okay with Brit causes us to not care so much, either.
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