Lainey Gossip – Oscar Isaac Eats Cheetos With Chopsticks
There is so much horrible shit going on in the world right now, and this morning’s tragic and hateful attack in Belgium is another sobering reminder that there are people (Isis, I’m looking at you) that don’t want us to feel safe. The only way I know of to make things a bit better is through humor and Oscar Isaac being a fucking adorable weirdo, which are all things that terrorists hate so they can go ahead and fuck off.
Dlisted – Drunk Bitch Falls with Grace
Sure 99.9% of us trip and fall like a rampaging elephant with a broken toe while inebriated, but there is a small percentage of people that are able to show us that you can be drunk with dignity while taking a header down a steep flight of stairs. Behold the drunken majesty of this poor slag who should be receiving a call from the Joffrey Ballet’s Ketel One Dance Company any day now. Drink lots of water, Tipsy Ballerina.
TMZ – Tyga: I Need a Gun ‘Cause I’m a Baller
I refuse to believe that “PTA Creeper” Tyga is rocking $100k in jewelry. This is the guy that is being sued for not being able to pay his bills, so unless his child bride Kylie is giving him a jewelry allowance for Claire’s, I’m thinking that the only gun Tyga needs to be packing is a Super Soaker.
Jezebel – UK Research Vessel May Be Named “Boaty McBoatface” By Popular, Awesome Vote
Sure, you could name a research vessel something boring and classic, but all the cool ships at the docks like to party with Boaty McBoatface (he has the best weed).
E! Online – Joe Giudice Says Goodbye To His Friends and Family Before Prison
I’m sorry but are we supposed to feel bad that this sweaty, lawbreaking meatball is going to prison? Someone bring me the tiniest violin. There were tears at Joe’s “Slammer Bon Voyage” party, which was a super classy affair that involved a mechanical bull, and tears sponsored by Visine. Let’s hope that all the guests brought some soap on a rope and maybe the DVD box set of Oz so that Joe could mentally prepare for his new life as a Real Househusband of the Federal Penitentiary System.
Perez Hilton – Somebody Painted a Mural of Kanye West Making Out With Himself
It’s like the artist looked into the gaping maw that is Yeezy’s soul and created a narcissistic masterwork that captures just how up his own butt Kanye is.
Suspending the snark and sending support and love to the people of Belgium