Previously on Teen Mom 2:
- Adam is still a deadbeat dad.
- Nathan “kidnaps” his son to Boston, where his new lady is from.
- Kailyn, Jo, and Vee agree to be on the same team (for the moment).
- Vee has her baby.
- Leah vastly overestimates how devastated her daughter would be if she loses custody.
- Leah loses custody, but she doesn’t know it yet.
Hi, Trashiis! So, I’m super mad at Teen Mom 2 right now. I had a whole plan, where I was going to do another two-episode recap and then finally get caught up with the show, then go back to just one episode a week. Well, the show decided to air two episodes this past week instead of one, so I’m behind again. I’m still trying to figure out the schedule on this thing, because the show keeps tripping it up. So for now, I don’t have a set day to expect recaps by, but I will continue to bring the regular snark despite the irregular schedule. Lucky for you, this week you get two episodes at once again. Anyway, on to the recap!
Chelsea
Chelsea is at her engaged friend Britnee’s house, and Britnee has cute puppies. Do you think Chelsea was inspired by Britnee’s spelling of her name when naming Aubree? Who am I kidding, Chelsea barely knows this lady. Chelsea is shocked by a social media post of Adam’s, which she thinks contains an inappropriate picture of Aubree. I mean, we’ve seen (and been mentally scarred by) Adam’s idea of a good picture so I don’t even want to imagine what the picture of Aubree involved. She texts Adam about it, and he thinks she’s overreacting. Chelsea is mad that Adam has zero paternal instinct. I wish she had figured that out before she had sex with him (however cute Aubree is).
I look like shit. Let’s take a selfie!
Adam has both Aubree and Paislee (who I hope the cameraman is watching, because Adam sure isn’t), and he is on his phone the whole time and paying no attention to either of his daughters. Meanwhile, Chelsea and Chelsey talk about Adam’s post and how inappropriate it is. Chelsea tells her she’s getting a lawyer to resolve the child support issue. She also wants to discuss visitation, but she wants it to be mediated by lawyers. She thinks the courts will be on her side in this case.
Hey man, what’s up? Nothing, just hanging out with my kid. Total drag.
Chelsea met with her new lawyer about Adam, and she says there is nothing they can do about the picture of Aubree he posted, but that they can fight him for sole custody. Cole is eating one of Aubree’s snacks. Chelsea calls Papa Randlicious, and talks more about Adam. She doesn’t think he’s spending much time with Aubree, since she says her dad spends the whole time on his phone and is noticing a lot more. She wants to focus on child support before any visitation talks happen.
I’m an adult!
Chelsea and Cole are baby-talking at each other. I guess I see why these two get along so well. Adam’s parents are not into being filmed, because we only get to see their headlights. Chelsea asks Aubree if she saw her dad a lot, but Aubree replies that she only saw him once. Chelsea tells Aubree to go brush her teeth, and Aubree is not really having it. She starts throwing a tantrum, and Chelsea sends her to bed. Cole is super unhelpful, and starts blowing raspberries at Aubree. Dude, I get that she’s not your kid, but you have been living with her for at least a year. This is not rocket science. Chelsea ends up dragging Aubree to bed.
Ah. The beauty of parenting.
Chelsea and Cole are planning a trip to Florida sans Aubree. Aubree is staying with Chelsea’s mom and doesn’t seem too bothered by her mom’s impending absence. Chelsea is very nervous about the trip and tells Cole that traveling together is a true relationship test. Laying it on a little thick with Cole there, Chels. Later, Cole takes Chelsea to one of his favorite places and proposes to her. It’s pretty cute that he included Aubree. Cole and Chelsea are disgusting together, but they seem like a good match in their baby talk and overly cutesy ways. They meet Chelsea’s mom Mary, and she’s super excited about the engagement. Aubree responds to the whole marriage idea with an “ew.” Apparently, Cole made the ring himself.
Can someone tell Mary to stop eye-fucking her future son-in-law?
Chelsea asks Cole if he planned everything with the engagement or just winged it, and he says something so perfect could not have been improvised. See what I mean about how disgusting they are? She asks if he asked Papa Randlicious for permission, which he did after a practice round with himself in the car (that’s what he said?). No, Chelsea! You are a grown-ass woman. There is no reason for Cole to ask anyone for permission to marry you. They decide to post it on social media to make things official. Cole attempts a selfie, and Chelsea whips the phone out of his hand at lightning speed, as she’s clearly the selfie expert.
Look more spontaneous, Cole!
Adam’s parents have Aubree for the weekend, which means we get to see him ignore her and Paislee again. Adam is at some Chuck E Cheese kind of place with buddies who he must know from AA or the gym (it could go either way). He explains to them that he has visitation with Aubree and custody of Paislee, which he describes as 50/50 even though he only gets her every other weekend. See, working out destroys brain cells, y’all. Adam and his bros bro out about what a horrible person Chelsea is for keeping Aubree away from a father who neglects her. She’s calling for him during the conversation but he still ignores her.
Quality dad time with Adam.
Meanwhile, Chelsea is with her dad, who is impressed by her engagement ring. Papa Randlicious thinks she’s too young, but he’s cool with Cole. He warns her not to take the ring with her snorkeling when she’s in Florida. They reminisce about when Chelsea used to call her dad at 3 am complaining that she would never find someone. Man, I’m so glad I have never even had anywhere close to that conversation with my dad ever, let alone at 3 am.
Papa Randlicious, I’m gonna have to ask you never to smile again.
Kailyn
Kailyn is lounging on the couch with her fucking tennis shoes on. Javi is all excited about how he got to eat lunch with Isaac at school. He shows Kail a selfie with Isaac, and she notices that he was wearing a “pajama-like top.” Javi adds that he had bed-head and was scratching his head a lot. Kail is irate, saying that how Isaac dresses at school reflects on them as parents. She is more sensitive to that because she’s such a young parent for a six-year-old, but I don’t know if I would judge them based on what’s shown in the picture. She texts Jo to ask him about it, which I’m sure is a great idea. From the brief glimpse we get, here’s how the conversation goes:
Jo: Ohhh lord Isaac looks soooooo terrible.
Kail: Don’t get sarcastic with me jo. I want my son to look put together when he goes to school.
Jo: I’m sure he’d say anything to make me look bad… He needs to take his ass home and worry about his own kid.
The selfie that starts it all.
Kail and Javi show up early to pick up Isaac, and Jo blows up at her. She narrates that she decided to film the fight in case she needed to take legal action, but nothing happens that would require any. I mean, yeah, Jo’s pissed and insulting them, but he’s not aggressive, maybe cranky at worst (you know, because he hasn’t slept much since he has a newborn in the house?). She criticizes his sweats at 4:30 on a Sunday. Girl, at 4:30 on a Sunday, the RedHandedJill household is lucky if I am wearing pants. Unless I have to go somewhere, Sunday’s might even be a PJs all day sort of thing. I don’t blame Jo for his sweats. Kail is upset because Isaac overheard the argument. Javi decides to get involved, but his arguments boil down to, “Take care of your shit, dog,” which he repeats at least three times in 10 seconds.
I’m yelling from behind my car, but I ain’t afraid of you, man.
Kail is having a very special talk with Isaac about what to expect when your parents are exes who argue all the time. She tells him she loves him and she doesn’t want him to talk to anyone like Jo talked to her. Yeah, I’m sure Jo wasn’t the only one talking in a way Isaac shouldn’t repeat. At Jo and Vee’s, Vee says she’s not even sure what happened, since she was nursing the baby. Jo says she showed up early and started complaining that Isaac wasn’t ready. Jo’s version of the story isn’t much more sympathetic, since he seems to think it’s okay to just curse people out in front of his kid. Vee seems to agree with me. #TeamVee.
Fuck. I just had a baby with this guy.
Kailyn and Javi finally seem to be getting along for the first time this season, because they are both talking shit about Jo. They get all Mean Girls about his clothes, and that he’s being neglectful of Isaac. Kail says Isaac has no role model to look up to in Jo, because he doesn’t work. Javi says cursing Kail out is not the way a “man talks to a female.” Ugh, Javi. Can we not with the “female?” Kail hopes that Jo looks back and regrets what he did. She says he doesn’t or go to school or keep his house together, so why is he getting mad at her? Wait a minute, Kail. Have you forgotten that Jo has a rap career?