Celebitchy – Kim Kardashian Would Be a “Forensic Investigator” If She Wasn’t Famous
I would totally buy Kim as a “forensic investigator” if she were starring in CSI: Butt-Play Squad. Oh Kim, just because Kanye likes to dress you up in body bag inspired dresses and you love wearing a white lab coat on “role-play Thursdays” doesn’t mean that you’re ready for the microscope. It’s sad, but Kim probably would feel really at home in the morgue. After all who better to relate to than other cold, dead stiffs devoid of personality?
Reality Tea – Kim Zolciak Launches Skincare Line “Kashmere”
Looks like we have another science-minded Kim. Apparently, Kim Z. has been mixing her youthful witches brew in her bathtub by melting barbie dolls and dropping in a few of Andy Cohen’s pubic hairs. Now women everywhere can look like heavily Photoshopped sex dolls. Gorgeous!
PopSugar – Jennifer Lawrence Once Punched Sophie Turner in the Vagina on the Set of X-Men
Man, the Starks cannot catch a break.
You had one job, Brienne. Time to kick J-Law in the Dorito box
TMZ – Kaley Cuoco Divorce: I Get $72 Million…You Get the Gift Certificates
Well, this is a black day for gold-diggers. It looks like that CBS payout that Ryan Sweeting was waiting his ex to Venmo into his account isn’t going to happen. The good news is, that Ryan might have a CVS gift card. It’s not millions of dollars, but free toilet paper, toothpaste and off-brand toys come in handy when you’re busy trying to hustle your next wealthy mark.
WWTDD – Hollywood Vegans Turn to Animal Flesh
When you commit to veganism, it’s for life. Live by the tofu, and die by the tofu.
All hail, Seitan!
Perez Hilton –Brandi Glanville and Dean Sheremet Team Up For Cooking Reality Show
All the dishes will be heavily seasoned with bitterness and booze. Mmmmmm…I love how each meal makes me feel empty and dead inside.