Hello my babies,
What? No. Why would it be demoralizing to recap three hours of Comeback Kitchen to have the only person to comment be the woman who inexplicably loves Dom? I’m totally fine with it. I’m kidding. Obviously. I’m super needy. Please love me.
For those of you who are only here for the main competition, this year Bobby Flay and Giada de Laurentiis are back to sort through the 12, (+1 from Comeback Kitchen), so an unlucky baker’s dozen of thirteen, contestants who are competing to be the next Food Network Star. Everyone assembles on a Hollywood sound stage for their first challenge. Face the camera and film a 30 second cold open.
These two couldn’t be more excited to be here. Oh, not B&G. I mean Giada’s fun bags.
Never change, de Laurentiis.
First up is Erin, a chubby baker who’s wearing a top bun with a big flower and uses words like “smidgen.” She also has a bit of a Minnie Mouse voice. For now, I’ll call her Sookie. No, not Sookie as in True Blood. Sookie as in Gilmore Girls. Yup, she’s only the first to be shattering stereotypes this season. Sookie seems a bit chatty but she’s pretty good on camera. Bobby tells her that she needs to tell the viewer what they’re going to taste (you can’t taste anything. That’s the problem with food TV.) and Giada adds that she should be more specific.
Jernard, the self-proclaimed “chef of love” is up next. Let’s call him Ruben Studdard. Shut up. All your references are from the early 2000’s. Ruben’s entire presentation is about all the different kinds of chicken he’s going to cook. Thankfully, Bobby says “I like chicken too. It sounded good.” Giada concedes that it was a nice job for his first time. Ooh, with both TV host presentations and love, I’m not sure if that’s actually a compliment.
This is the best screengrab I could get because she moved around SO much.
My first reaction to Monterey is that she’s quite pretty and I like her pixie haircut. She says some nonsense about being a “global chef” (buzzz!), stumbles over her words, and then laughs madly. I’m oddly charmed by her until she says in her talking head that she should have mentioned that she’s a “musician, model, actor, and chef.” UGH. She’s also a magician considering how quickly she made my goodwill disappear. Throughout the episode I decide that she reminds me of a combination of Yoanna House (ANTM cycle 2) and Lauren Utter (ANTM cycle 10). Does anyone else see it? Just me? OK. Giada tells Monterey that global is a tough concept because you need something to make you really unique. Why should the viewer learn from you as opposed to anyone else. Huh, basic white girl? Answer that. Bobby tells her she can’t be nervous, which is fabulous advice. He’s a great mentor.
Next up is Tregaye. Tregaye is just a bundle of all the stereotypes of Southern black woman. She’s more memes and urban dictionary than an actual person. In the first few moments of her screen time she says “Yaaas!” and “Hey y’all” and that’s really all you need to know. She will not win. We know this. Her presentation is admittedly very polished and slick. But the Food Network already has women with her shtick who do it better and in a more natural way.
Dead eyes…
Damiano or “new Luca” fills our requisite Italian eye-candy for Giada slot this season. He has a very strong Italian accent and came to the US in 2009. He’s so much better than Dom as eye candy that it gives me hope that Martita was the one who won Comeback Kitchen. He says he opened 2 pastry shops in California selling pastries, gelato, and coffee. The editors and talking heads try to convince you that his presentation went better than it did. Sure, he doesn’t falter but he’s not that charismatic. He comes across very flat when he talks and the content is far from thrilling. Aside from his face, he’s not camera ready. However, he gets a big smile from Giada. Both she and Bobby are positive about his performance.
Yaku is a sous chef at a yacht club. He’s from San Francisco and he comes across as warm but with no specificity. All I know is that he’s 6’9. Bobby accuses him of holding back and not telling the viewer who he is. I have to agree. I also have to hope he never played basketball because I can’t deal with another Caribbean Barbie with no clear POV all season.
Aaron jumps into his cold open with “I love meat.” He rambles a lot and it’s hard to follow. He’s a stay at home dad… He’s vaguely good-looking in a personal trainer kind of way. He pings my gaydar which could be a good angle. Basically Aaron is “cool dad” but without the charm of Phil Dunphy. You don’t root for Aaron. Giada says he was not a disaster but he also wasn’t great. But overall he came across as charming.